journal entry #2024

I really don't know what to call this day, to be honest. Tiring. A lot tensed than usual. Thank goodness, no big argument or confrontation happened. Maybe my silent wish happened as I actually hated dealing with that. But honestly, I think even silent/calm scolding and confrontation is even scarier to deal with. Especially if it is my first sister who would do that. And to think she was a year and 3 1/2 months younger than me.

Thankfully, I'm able to distract myself from further overthinking as I watched more imagines and write episode comments on those episodes I watched. Mainly anime at this point. I would be posting them tomorrow. I'm falling behind, I know. But I also know I'd be able to finish them IF I JUST PAY ATTENTION to doing it. And yet, here I am, choosing to pay attention to something else.

i am seriously way late when it comes to watching and also commenting 😭😭

I don't really have much to say on this, to be honest. But I'm still watching. At least, that's a good thing. And I don't have the need to hurry or anything or else, I would only stress myself out. At least, I know I shouldn't be worrying too much and I can just do things on my own pace.

For now, these two episodes were the ones I managed to watch today.

journal entry #2022

It's sometimes scary when what my guts was telling me turns out to be right. Now we know why — and I honestly felt just numb about everything. I didn't even cry at all, even though it was really frustrating. I just kept sighing. Then again, even if I cry, I don't think I could provide any help at this point than assume. I have to keep doing that. But even with that, I don't think I could scold my own mother even if I want to because:

1. I don't have the money to even provide any help... yet; and
2. my three younger sisters had already done that.

I think my sisters were able to find a solution somehow. But yeah, I'm already expecting that the people in the house would treat her coldly or just ignore her until it all settle down. The only thing I can do right now is to lessen the tension a little bit by — maybe — acting as a go-between. Then again, I don't know. I'd actually prefer to not be included in the whole drama.

I just have runny nose and I'm definitely coughing. Not really happy about it, to be honest. Then again, who would be? I think I kind of expected this to happen because of what I did as soon as I would arrive home after going to town. And yes, it involved the electric fan. So yup, it was my fault I got this right now.

With the chaos that happened today, who would still be in their right mind and energy to even do anything at all? I don't really know what to make of everything right now. Confrontations here and there was already expected. Urgh! Let this be over soon.

journal entry #2021

Daddy's death anniversary. That's how we call my maternal grandfather, by the way. Mama ended up cooking vegetable tempura, pancit and lumpiang shanghai as an offering.

Because of that, I had to go out to buy ingredients for that. I also bought ingredients for two batches of ice candy — chocolate and mango-flavored.

We were able to make the two batches of ice candy when TP arrived home early.

I don't know why, but I really feel weird hearing and seeing my mom recite bible verses slightly loud as I was doing the dishes. She doesn't usually do this. And honestly, she would only start doing weird things/unusual things when the problems that she was facing could possibly be something she couldn't escape already. It doesn't happen often, but I sometimes hate that my guts would turn out to be right when it comes to these things. Here's to hoping I was wrong, though.

I deleted a lot of videos that were on my phone and so, in a way, there were more space there than before.

Haven't written anything — again! Urgh!

just doing my best to catch up

From Old Country Bumpkin To Master Swordsman Episode 3: This time, it was Surena's backstory. I mean, it was vaguely seen in the first episode. But they did an in depth of it in this one. I didn't realize that she had that kind of story, to be honest. Kind of made me sad for her. But thanks to Beryl, she found a purpose to move forward and use whatever she learned from him to become excellent in her chosen profession as an adventurer. Much like Allucia, Surena achieved the highest rank possible. I liked her specialty in terms of sword wielding, by the way. Two swords. By the way, I noticed that the spelling of her name in the light novel and the anime was different. So whenever I would post my episode comment, I think it's better if I should refer to the one used in the anime to avoid confusion or something. Another thing I noticed here was that this would be near the end of the light novel's first volume since I saw the named monster that attacked them. Yikes! This was going to be brutal, for sure.

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From Old Country Bumpkin To Master Swordsman Episode 4: First half was chaotic because of their battle with a monster. That was one heck of a battle and maybe Beryl's first exposure to such battle, given that he remained as an instructor in their village. Or I could be wrong since I did see him trying put adventuring in one of he flashbacks about him. And then the other half was calm. They actually had to use the monster's remains (or at least, one BIG part of it) as a core for the sword that Beryl would be using. In this, it looked like Surena won a point against Allucia in terms of impressing (or should I say, helping) their former instructor. Another of Beryl's former student appeared who was now a swordsmith. A change of pace to the usual mainly girls appearing as his former students. But near the end, it turned out that it was just a calm before the storm. The girl in the end appeared in the ending song as one of those close to Beryl. But it doesn't look like she was one of his former students. Then again, she used fire magic to distract him while pickpocketing. So could she be more attuned to magic than swordsmanship? I haven't read this part of the light novel's second volume, so I'm not sure. Maybe it's best for me to remain in the dark on this one or treat it as its own.

journal entry #2019

That's a lot of Youtube shorts to watch, if I'm being honest. And all of them were imagines — again. Why am I doing this, anyway?

Went out to go to the grocery. I was also supposed to head to the market to buy something else. But I decided not to since it was about to rain. And I was right.

Started adding divisions to that last blank journal. I think I reached half before I stopped.

I should really stop installing and uninstalling coloring apps on my phone if I'm not going to let it stay on my phone. I really can't settle my mind on this one.

This might be a crazy writing idea that I ended up thinking for "Letters To Sunrise". But can I actually write entries each day for that story? I mean, even though it would only contain 4-5 sentences per daily entry... How in the world would I write daily entries — regardless of the length — that's worth five years? Seriously! Gosh! This is just some craziness I ended up thinking as a writer that still can't write daily. What the heck?

But honestly, I really should start writing or I would completely lost the momentum. "Show up even if you don't feel like it." Was it really that hard to do? Urgh! I really feel like smacking my head a lot for failing to show up to any of my writings.

journal entry #2018

First Sunday of the month. On the next Sunday, it will be Mother's Day. And honestly, it looks like I won't have anything to give her again this year.

Just finished adding divisiona to that journal notebook. I know I should be using that as a journal. But I think I might have to switch to a smaller one once I filled up the other 3 blank ones. The last two would be used for the stories.

Went out to head to the market since we need to have some ingredients needed for dinner tonight and tomorrow.

It's like I didn't do a lot of writing this week, huh? That's just something I ended up realizing, for some reason.

Yup. Watched more imagines and some other random videos on Youtube. As if anything would change if I don't do anything about it. Urgh!

By the way, I might have to add divisions to that last blank journal notebook, as well. I still don't have a concrete plan on that journal notebook's usage. But I knew I have to use it, one way or another.

It actually rained hard today. Kind of crazy to see this when it's still supposed to be hot season. ☹️

(episode comment) from old country bumpkin to master swordsman episode 2

So this episode mainly focused on Allucia's backstory and how she became a student of Beryl and what happened after she left the dojo. Well, that was some story right there. But seriously, she noticed it. Even the instructor at the other dojo could tell the talent that Beryl has when it comes to swordsmanship. Allucia used his teachings that allowed her to rise to the rank of Knight Commander of the Liberion Order. How come he couldn't? And then he met another of his former student Ficelle who has now known for her sword magic. Funny that she really used what he taught her before to rise to the ranks, as well. But she seemed to have treasured her time in the dojo if it came to the point that she used the knowledge she gained there and incorporate it in her magic. And then there's Ficelle's boss who decided to test him, I think. Seriously now? Anyway, she sure looked like crazy enough to do something like that.

(silent vlog) just a short life update

I don't have much to say about this, to be honest. I even forgot to put on any music. Seriously, what the heck is going on with me? This is my first time in a while to post something here and this happened. Was this supposed to be a good thing? I don't know. But I won't think about it that much anymore. I just want to do this again. And maybe... Just maybe... Finally talk in front of the camera without feeling scared or anxious. I really want to do that.

continuing on ongoing ones and starting a new one

The Too-Perfect Saint Episode 3: Philia takes in new student. Not that she had one to begin with, of course. And it turned out that her student named Grace was related to the previous Saint of Parnacorta. Didn't know that. But maybe I just haven't read that part yet in the light novel. Anyway, at least she was doing well in that department. Now she had more people to communicate with other than the ones in the castle. She was learning a lot more about how life should be normally, even for her as a Saint. But because of the teachings and the treatment imposed on her, she never really realized anything like that at all. But what the heck? Now the kingdom that sold her wanted her back? It's obviously that jerk of a prince who was making this happen. Like what Prince Osvalt said, it was some kind of a joke. Now we'll see how Philia will take this.

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Shirohiyo: Reincarnated As A Neglected Noble Episode 3: Well, Ageha's parents were worst than I thought. Even that guy Sebastian. Like what the heck? Trying to even kill a kid who had no idea of what was going on. Gosh! Anyway, maybe it was for Ageha's advantage that he regained his past life's memories. Not to mention, I'm still questioning how did he realize that Regulus would kill him in the future --- possibly out of spite because of what their father would tell him over time. Then again, who knows what really transpired for that to possibly happen. Adults in that world were seriously manipulative. At least, Ageha have adults that he could trust in one way or another. One was even a Designated Imperial Hero, at that. Even a goddess was by his side just in case. So I think Ageha would be fine. Now let's see what would happen now that Ageha allowed Regulus to remain by his side to teach him things.

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From Old Country Bumpkin To Master Swordsman Episode 1: So basically, Beryl was never aware of his own capabilities as a swordsman to the point that when people point it out to him, he would just downplay it. But the people around him knew very well what his capabilities were. Especially the ones he taught before. At least he was given an opportunity to become someone he should be, as the others had always thought of. Now it's definitely up to him. Of course, he has to deal with his former students fighting and bickering just to get his attention and stuff. Honestly, that would be tough to deal with.