It's okay even if I have to wait long, as long as I'll be able to have your heart in the end... ~ Florence Joyce
xxxxxx
April 3
Dear Sunrise,
Should
I call it a good day today? Because honestly speaking, I don't feel it
like that at all. I really couldn't understand why I felt it as such.
Not that I care, though. Wait... what am I saying? Of course, I care.
That's why it's frustrating the hell out of me. Do you want to know why
I'm frustrated right now? Maybe it was easy for the others to mention
the situation similar to mine to other people.
And
yet for some reason, there's no one I could confide my problem to.
Even though I'm trying to write about it now to you, it's still a
taxing thing to blurt this out to you this way. There's something that
has been keeping me up all night because of anxiety and... perhaps,
even fear. It's scaring me, if you want to know the truth.
But
you know I shouldn't let that show on my face. Not now that my
cousin's wedding is coming up. I don't want her to get affected by my
problem. I don't want her to worry about me, especially on the most
important day of her life. She's happy now. It would be too much if,
because of my problem, that happiness would be ruined. I've never seen
Miyo this happy before and I don't want to destroy that.
On
a side note related to that, I wonder if fate would do something about
the one that I've been asking for quite a while now. It might be
something you'd cringe at, now that I think about it. I mean, how many
years have I been wishing for that, to be honest? But then... why not?
So... do you think we'd be able to meet at the wedding?
Impossible,
I guess. But who knows? And if we do ever meet, do you think we'd be
able to recognize each other? My wishes are getting weirder and
weirder, huh? But then I guess you won't be able to know that. You
haven't arrived in my life yet. And I don't even know if you'd truly
come to my life to change it. But who am I to wish for a story similar
to that of my cousin who's experiencing such happiness right now? My
wishes keeps getting weirder and weirder, huh?
Here
I go with the questions once again. They keep piling up, you know,
though I haven't been able to find answers to all of them. Forgive me
for writing all these. I mean, I've always thought that--in one way or
another--we would possibly meet. I don't know how and I don't know
when. But one thing I do know is this.
In
my heart, there was this little voice saying that I'll know that it's
going to be you. There was a saying, "follow your heart wherever it
leads you", right? If you're someone from my past, or just someone I
happened to meet a long time ago but never really bothered, only my
heart could tell that to me.
I'm starting to become all dramatic here again. Sorry for that. Then again, I think you're already used to it, right?
Still waiting,
Miori
xxxxxx
April 8
Dear Sunrise,
It
was like this. It was supposed to be a peaceful day for me ever since
that talk I had with Miyo. I'm sure I once mentioned to you that she's
my cousin. The most beautiful one I have, by the way. Anyway, she did
come to our house all of a sudden, with no prior notice to me or even
my parents.
Oh, did I
mention that she came to our house just a few minutes after writing
that last letter to you? Funny, though. She acted as if we haven't seen
each other for a long time with the way she hugged me tight that day.
It's like she didn't even want to let me go with the way she did that. I
was happy, of course. And felt relieving, too, for some reason. It's
quite true that we didn't see each other for a long while, only because
she had her own set of troubles during those times. Not to mention
that it was about her future groom, Yuuya-kun.
But
it didn't happen. At least about me thinking peacefully after that
talk. I haven't had any peaceful thinking for quite a long time. The
reason? I just didn't feel it like that at all. I only mentioned to Miyo
about all that was troubling me over the past weeks that even my
parents didn't know. I couldn't tell them what was really wrong. So I
let it all out to my cousin who really listened to my complains and
fears. It's a good thing she really listened to me. And yet it still
didn't dissipate my fears enough as I wished it would. Something felt...
missing. And all this time, I kept on wondering why it felt that way.
I'm
scared. I have to admit that at least to myself. But how come I
couldn't even say it to my parents? They would listen to me, I'm sure of
it. They'd be willing to help me and I know it. And yet look what I'm
doing. I'm acting like a cornered rat who couldn't think of what to do
next in order to escape and get out alive. But you can't blame me. I
can't give any more worries to them than what I've been giving to them
right now just by becoming a hermit in my own house. It sucks, I know.
And I had a feeling that you would say the same thing if ever we do meet
and know all this.
Even
still, I'm writing this to you. I'm truly sorry for being a whiner
like this. But at least you wouldn't know this. If you'd come to
realize the possible danger because of the problem I'm dealing with a
certain stalker that's been plaguing my mind for a while now, would it
be too much of me to ask to you to come and save me?
Here
I go again, asking for too much. I'm really sorry. But you know, I'm
still here. I'm still asking for a miracle. And my heart knows, you're
the only one who can show that miracle to me. One way or another, I can
tell that you'd be able to do so.
Still waiting,
Miori
