Hi, everyone!

For one, I don't know what to post here. Gosh, even the blog title sounds silly. I have various plans, but I kept putting them on hold, for some reason. There's book reviews, series reviews, love letters... The last one, though, was something I just thought about as I'm writing this entry.

Cringey, if you ask me. I mean... it's been a long time since I've written a love letter to the guy I liked. Well, it was more of a confession letter than an actual love letter to someone I liked. And I sort of a trauma for writing love letters (personal ones) after that. You can already guess what happened when I had someone hand him the letter for me. It was a disaster, in my opinion. So yes, you could say I strayed away from writing letters after that. I just didn't realize it until I graduated college and got flunked on the only two jobs I ever had.

my hidden dream

I was never the person who likes being filmed. And yet on the contrary, there is this hidden part of me that wanted to be in front of the camera. It's the one that struggles to come out whenever I'd declare to myself of my small dream about becoming an actress.

But... me? As an actress? Sounds like a far-fetched dream, right? Especially at my age, and also someone who has no experience in acting at all. In my opinion, it was possibly one of the craziest ideas I'd end up thinking of about my life. About my dream, I mean.

I mean, can a shy woman ever find that courage to actually act? Yes, woman. Not girl. I'm 32 years old, turning 33 this August. And in society's opinion, it's already too late to even start aiming to be an actress.

Silent vlogs may never be a way for me to achieve that. And I don't know if anything else will, if I don't learn how to get through my shyness. For now, all I can do is learn things by myself.

I'll have to film moments... memories... events... Things that could make me realize something much more about a hidden flame waiting to burn brighter, without hiding it from the world anymore.

Messy Journal

I'm posting this since I still haven't finished writing my last update for OMOTD. And also because I want to post something here.