Dear Future Husband,

I know it's been a while since I wrote a letter to you like this here. I mean, I don't even know if you're reading this or not. But at the moment, I really don't care. I just want to let it out of me before I end up overthinking again. And from what I can remember, overthinking would only make me worry so much over things that I should never pay attention to. If that's cold of me to say (or in this case, write), then please forgive me. Like I said, I just need to let it out.

I hope you're not angry at me for doing that. Though I can't promise that this won't be the last, I will do my best to keep it to the minimum. If not, rare.

Sorry about that. My mind is a little messed up at the moment. I guess you could also say that I'm worried. Am I crazy? I know I can meet you in one way or another. I'm sure in my heart at some point that nothing will get in the way of us meeting and loving. But what am I worried about, to be honest? My heart has been pounding really strange for a while now and I don't know why. Would I meet you soon? Would I know it's you?

I don't know where this idea came from. But I can really feel that you're not from the country where I come from. Not from the place where I was born and raised. This strong feeling remains until now ever since I first thought about it back in high school. By the way, that's nearly two decades ago. I think I first thought about it back in third year high school. Why did I think of it that way, though? Was that something strange to think about?

I might be asking for something hard right now. But I hope you're a man who would never judge people just because of their race. I hope you're someone who wouldn't be easily swayed by the ways of the society and their way of thinking. You do know how sometimes their thoughts and rules were twisted. As I'd usually say it, society sucks. But that doesn't mean I should always stick to their rules.

I don't know how love would defy some of those twisted thinking and rules. But I think one of the ways we can deal with this was to remain true to each other. Remain true to what we believe in that doesn't involve hurting or defiling people. Remain true to our dreams of becoming the people we can be proud of.

I got dramatic again, huh? I'm sorry. But that's how my thoughts would usually go. I only release them while writing, so don't worry about me doing the same thing in person while we're talking. I'm not like that. 

Maybe when I become comfortable to tell you these things, I hope it wouldn't be too much for you to listen to. I know when to stop doing that, so don't worry. Of course, I also want you to be comfortable telling things to me. Things that you wouldn't sometimes mention to anyone else. I want us to be comfortable to each other that telling our thoughts and letting each other know how we feel would actually feel like home for both of us.

I love you and I love it when we actually feel like we're each other's home at the end of the tiring day. For now, I'll end this letter here. I do hope that next time, I would tell you some great things about my life. You can do that by reading my journal entries I'm placing in this blog. They are from my actual journal, after all, unless stated otherwise. Okay? So know that they are my actual daily happenings, even when most of them were mundane and boring.

Love you lots. Till the next letter I'd write for you. ❤️😊💕

Still waiting for you to finally come to my life,

Florence Joyce