How is it that whenever I close my eyes and force myself to forget you, your smile that was seared in my memory would always stop me from doing so? — Florence Joyce
xxxxxx
If one would deem him as crazy, maybe he would truly believe so. However, the only reason why he kept scratching his hair was due to his frustration. As per usual, he hadn't gotten enough sleep. This had already happened for two weeks in a row. Any more of this would truly hamper his health.
Then again, it wasn't like Banjou could do something about it until he finally got to the root of the problem.
Was there even something new about that, anyway? Maybe not. But these past weeks, it had been bothering him to the extent that he couldn't fall asleep. He wanted to make sure that she was okay even after they parted.
But there wasn't anything that he could use to figure out if it was out of danger or that she was living peacefully. He could only think of her, even when he said that he had to do otherwise.
"Then again... I think about what happened the last time we spoke... It's only making me stop forcing myself to forget her..." he uttered as he looked at the ceiling of the room that he was using at the moment.
To be honest, Banjou never even anticipated that this would happen. Yes, he had been in a relationship in the past. He lost that one, however. Even so, this was a new world already. There were occasional dangers here and there and both he and that girl were already destined to be fighters that deal with those dangers.
But he still couldn't help it. He still felt worried and scared. They weren't meant to stay together. That was what he would say to himself as soon as he made the decision to stop staying by her side.
And yet, deep down, he realized that he was only fooling himself on the matter.
"Your smile isn't really doing anything to make me forget you..." Soon after uttering those words, he chuckled --- albeit done so bitterly.
He didn't want to do that. He didn't want to show it to anyone, even to himself, that he regretted ever crossing paths with her. He... was too special to him to even feel that way.
But they both knew they couldn't stay together, especially when an incomprehensible danger became too apparent for any of them to ignore any longer.
"Even when I said that it's just for a while..." Banjou sighed in exasperation as he once again scratched his head with both hands.
Things got out of hand already that the words he promised, he might not be able to fulfill them any longer. And he couldn't help hating himself for it.
"Sorry for being such a person towards you, Fuuka..." At the moment, however, he could only whisper those words as he closed his eyes. Doing so was the only thing he could do to actually see him close to him.
Memories that he made with that active, ever smiling young woman whom he met in such an unexpected world. Closing his eyes was his only way of closing the vast distance between them at the moment, as cringey as that sounded.
But he didn't mind. He didn't mind stating the truth.
«"We'll meet again, right? Let's just believe that we will..."»
He frowned as soon as he heard that. Wait a minute... Where did that come from? What in the world was going on?
He looked around to see the source of that. He knew it was a recording of some sort. But he still couldn't believe it. Why would Fuuka's voice be recorded somewhere and now he was hearing it loud and clear?
Banjou's eyes landed on an open computer near where Sento was working earlier. Weird enough, it was the only open unit in that area. Why would it still be open, though? Did Sento forget to close it?
He stood up and went to the said still operating computer unit. And that was when he noticed an audio player open and perhaps still playing something. He frowned at the sight of about three MP3 files there. It was playing in a loop.
Wait a minute... Was this the one he had just heard earlier?
Even with shaking hands --- which rarely happened to him, mind you, he played each of them once again. They were only short messages, not even 15 seconds each. But each of them were enough for him to completely regret ever leaving her side, even when the lurking danger became imminent.
«"Have you been safe even when we're not together? I hope you always are, but I guess I'm asking for the impossible. Just don't forget to take care of yourself, okay? I'll be praying for that..."»
What in the world...? Why would she even leave this kind of message? And to think they would be saved in Sento's computer...
What was going on?
Despite the confusion he felt, he soon found himself clicking on the second message.
«"Things were never the same since that day. But I know I have to be patient and not let my sadness take over. It's hard, but I can only do this for the two of us. Don't forget to be careful, okay? I still care for you, no matter where you are..."»
Even with all that had happened between them, why does she still feel like this towards him? What did he do to deserve something like this from Fuuka?
He left her behind.
Even if it was done for a reason, he still left her. They both had some issues to finish, after all. They felt that being with each other would hinder the success of their own missions.
And yet... here she was, leaving things like this for him to hear.
How did Sento come in possession of these messages, anyway?
Despite more questions popping up in his head, Banjou proceeded to click the last message.
«"It's just the usual day for me. Or at least, it's supposed to be. But I'm still here, waiting for you to come back to my side again. No matter how long it takes, I will continue waiting. We'll meet again, right? Let's just believe that we will. So don't worry..."»
Why...? Why did she have to do all this? For him, it didn't make any sense. And yet, she was still doing it.
She just wanted to believe that good things between them could still happen. And she even told him not to worry...
A bitter laugh escaped his throat as he looked up, even though it was just the ceiling that he could see. Even with that, the image of the woman he left behind in order to fulfill another mission appeared in his mind.
At least, this time, it wasn't giving him a pain in his heart.
Maybe for now, that was enough as a start.
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