Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis and its characters. In whatever situation, I'm not exactly born with the ability to create such irritatingly lovable characters. I can only imagine I could. :)
Author's notes:Okay… In case you're wondering, this is the sequel of the other one-shot called "How Could I Make You Believe Me?" which was Ryoma-centric. This story is now Sakuno-centric and I hate to say it but it would be something sad, no matter how much I hate writing dramatic story. Hehe! One information about this is that I wrote this story first before writing "How Could I Make You Believe Me?". Anyway, please leave your reviews if you have a lot to say about this. If you haven't read "How Could I Make You Believe Me?", you can read it so that you could understand this better… I think.
Enjoy reading, nevertheless! And please review!
Warning: Characters might not be in their usual selves. In other words, possible OOC
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HOW I WISH I BELIEVED YOU
It was the day after Christmas. The snow covered the whole area like a beautiful white blanket. Though it was cold, its wonders never failed to amaze anyone. A lot of kids were playing snowball fights, building snowman and creating snow angels. It was still a part of a Christmas season and as expected, the hype hasn't faded yet. It was supposed to be a beautiful day…
…but not to Ryuzaki Sakuno.
Memories she wanted to forget for two years now began invading her mind again. She was walking alone on a snow-scattered sidewalk, wondering for the umpteenth time. What if she really listened to him? What if she believed in him as least for the first time during that time? What if she hadn't failed him at all? A lot of what if's filled her mind. It was always this way ever since that regretful day. Her eyes never grew tired of crying every night.
She never realized that it would bring her this much pain. In seconds, everything around her changed.
She stopped walking and looked down to the ground. There it was again. Her eyes started to sting and tears formed at the brim of her eyes. She just wanted those tears to stop falling. But how? The person who could do that was long gone… He left me… He left me because I let him down. I thought he was just joking, that's why I didn't believe him. If I knew… If only I knew… That did it. With no care about the cold snow on the ground, she knelt down when she couldn't take it. Her silent cry turned to sobs as she covered her face with her hands.
It was a good thing that no one was walking on that sidewalk other than her. She didn't want anyone to pity her. It was enough that she was regretful because of her inability to believe the love of one person she loved secretly. That alone was enough to torture her heart endlessly for two years.
For minutes, all she did was to let those tears keep on falling. She couldn't stop it by herself, anyway. Maybe if she allowed it to fall down, it would eventually stop. And after a few more minutes, her eyes finally grew tired and stopped those tears from falling. It was at that time that she finally felt the sold snow on the ground. She slowly stood up and wiped the tears that streaked down her cheeks.
This is no time for me to cry. I have to go there. It's the least I can do. I want to say sorry that I failed him…
She continued to walk for several more minutes before she reached her destination. Her lips curved to a sad, bitter smile. The place was cold, quiet and most of all, lonely. Just like my heart… Yes, just like her heart. She took something from her jacket's pocket. But before she took it out, her hand quivered as she closed it to a fist. Every time she touched that item, her hand would instinctively close it to a fist. Her heart would feel the same feeling—as if a large hand would clench it tightly that made her unable to breathe properly.
I guess I deserve this torture. After all, it was my fault…
Heaving a heavy sigh, she continued walking until she reached the spot she was looking in that destination. As the snow continued to fall from the gloomy sky, Sakuno could feel her eyes was about to let another batch of tears fall. But she didn't allow it.
At least… not yet…
While standing in front of a gravestone with a familiar name inscribed on it, she looked around one more time. She could only see a few people visiting their respective relatives and loved ones whose remains were peacefully resting in that cemetery.
That's right. A cemetery. One tha she hadn't visited for two years, as well. But doing so only intensified the pain, grief and regret in her heart. Only her grandmother, Ryuzaki Sumire, and her best friend Tomoka knew what she really felt ever since he left her. It was her fault. She only has herself to blame for what had happened.
A lot of "if only's" ran into her mind. Those "if only's" had only magnified the feeling of loss to the point where it consumed her heart to a disturbing extent. It was becoming unbearable for her for two years.
Ifi had just believed you, Ryoma-kun… then you wouldn't leave me like this…
She faced the gravestone in front of her. This time, with a sad smile etched on her face as her tears started to fall once more. Funny. For two years, she could only muster sad—and a lot of times, bitter—smiles whenever she was thinking about a boy named Echizen Ryoma, the super rookie of the Seigaku tennis club. He was a tennis prince, as people regarded him.
He was the tennis prince who teased her about her braids and her stance. He was the tennis prince who would give his best in tennis despite being blunt (not to mention cocky without a care about anything except tennis) about his skills, since he once stated that nobody could beat him in tennis. He was the tennis prince she fell in love with secretly despite knowing those traits. He was the tennis prince who never failed to amaze her whenever he was playing. He was the tennis prince who blurted out the words "I love you" to her. He was the tennis prince who said those words that she didn't actually believe with the fear that he might have been joking and playing around.
Echizen Ryoma—the name of the tennis prince that she had failed for the first and last time. He was the tennis prince—annoyingly but sadly—became the reason why she blamed herself nonstop.
Echizen Ryoma
She stopped breathing for a while and tried to swallow the lump in her throat upon reading the inscription on the gravestone. Until now, she wished that losing Ryoma was just a nightmare. And when she woke up from it, she would see him again. He would tease her once more and he would make Seigaku proud again with his tennis skills.
But then she knew it was impossible.
She could still remember that dreadful day…
…the day that regret started consuming her heart…
Flashback…
"Ryuzaki, can I talk to you for a minute? I have something important to say to you," Ryoma said that made Sakuno puzzled and the regulars instantly curious. Who wouldn't be? It was rare for someone like Echizen Ryoma to ask something like that to anyone.
Okay… Ryuzaki Sakuno might not be just "anyone" for that matter. She was just Seigaku's coach's, Ryuzaki Sumire's, granddaughter.
"S-sure. But a-about what?" she asked. Oh great! Why does she have to stutter all the time whenever Ryoma was in front of her?
"Something important. Didn't I tell you that earlier?"
"Oh… Right."
And so Sakuno followed Ryoma to… wherever? Come to think of it, she has no idea where Ryoma would be taking her for them to have a talk. But she decided not to say anything. Though as each step took further away from the tennis court, it was weird for her to feel something foreboding. What could it be? This had never happened before.
It must be because she was nervous. Ryoma was quiet (which wasn't unusual, by the way) and frighteningly serious. She could see that expression from Tezuka most of the time. But not to Ryoma.
"We're here."
That snapped her out of her musings. She stopped walking and found herself standing in front of the school gate.
"Why are we here?" she uttered. "And do you really have to say it here?"
"I just don't want any distractions when I'm going to say something important to you. I only want you to hear it," he said without looking at her.
She frowned at that. Wait a minute! Did he just blush? She tried not to laugh because of it. When she looked at him, she knew she wasn't just hallucinating. He was really blushing.
"Well, we're here. And no one's around—" she paused and looked around the place. That was weird. No one was really around and the sky was cloudy—like rain was about to fall any minute. But she chose not to mind it. "—so I guess it's the perfect time for you to tell me that 'important thing' you want to say."
"Don't rush me, okay? It's not that easy!" he suddenly blurted out that surprised her. Another weird thing. But he too was surprised at that sudden outbrurst. "Sorry. It's just that I'm… a little nervous. I've never done something like this before."
"What do you mean?" she asked. But as each seconds passed, she was starting to have an idea about the situation. Could it be…?
Ryoma heaved a heavy sigh before facing her. For the first time, he was looking at her intently and her heart was beating wildly. She was having a hard time to breathe. She clutched her hand to her chest.
"Will you believe me if I tell you… I love you?"
Her eyes widened upon hearing that. What did he just say? He… loves me? She didn't know what to think. Though the uttered last three words were almost in a whisper, it seemed like the wind brought those words closer to her ears. She wasn't dreaming, right?
How long had she actually imagined and dreamed for Ryoma to say those words to her? Okay, she admitted that she liked him. And when her imaginations would go wild once in a while, she would imagine herself in a church wearing a beautiful wedding gown as she walked down the aisle towards her groom. It was weird, and she knew that. But the even weirder part was the groom in her imagination.
It was Ryoma with a happy smile—a smile that was meant for her and hers alone. At that time, she would blush when she realized what she was actually feeling towards Ryoma.
She loved him. So why? Why those words that he had spoken did make her feel… different? Like… It was as if she didn't like it. It wasn't supposed to be this way. It has to happen at the right place and at the right time.
Yeah… That might be the reason why everything felt… wrong.
"Ryuzaki?" he called out, breaking the silence between them.
But she couldn't think of what to say. It was as if her mind had shut down. The words weren't coming out. She wanted to answer him with what she really felt. Her heart wished for it for a long time, ever since she met him.
"What do you want me to say to that?" she managed to ask. Her face was devoid of any emotions which caught Ryoma off-guard.
"I just want to know if… if you will believe me when I tell you that." Though caught off-guard, he still said it despite his heart beating wildly. "I know I said it to you too soon but—" But he never managed to finish what he was going to say when he saw Sakuno suddenly ran away.
The rain started to fall, just as those dark clouds had completely loomed over the once blue sky. It fell harder but Sakuno didn't mind. She had no idea why she was running away. Ryoma was confessing to her—though she wasn't sure if it was a confession or just a joke—and yet she ran away in the middle of his explanation. Why did everything about all of this turn out confusing? She was supposed to be happy.
Why? Why did he suddenly—
"Ryuzaki, look out!" Ryoma shouted that made her abruptly stop from running.
She was about to look back when she felt something from her back. She was surprised when Ryoma knocked her over and as hard as he could, she was sure of it. The next thing she knew, she felt herself dropping to the ground, her head hitting it.
She tried to stand up and looked around when she managed to do so to see what was going on. She caught a glimpse of a body lying lifeless on the wet ground before she saw a truck that had hit a roadside tree. Her eyes roamed around one more time to look for Ryoma but what she saw only made her gasp in surprise and her eyes widened in shock.
This can't be true! No, this is not true! It's not him! Her mind screamed those words repeatedly as she stood up and stared at Ryoma. She felt her heart had stopped beating when she made sure that it was he now lying on the wet ground. The rain was continuously falling harder than how it was a while ago. But it didn't even matter. She rushed to Ryoma's side.
"Ryoma-kun? Ryoma-kun!" she called out; tears leaking down her face. He was so cold. Blood stained the ground—and worst, it was his blood. "Ryoma-kun… Please, wake up!"
"Hmm…" Ryoma moaned as he tried to open his eyes to have a look at the person who was calling his name. "R… R-Ryuzaki… I'm glad… you're safe…"
"You're really an idiot!" she blurted out before sobbing. "I can't believe you did that! You really didn't have to do that…"
But Ryoma didn't say anything. He was already too weak to do so. Still, he smiled a smile he could muster… at least for her… "S… S-Sakuno…"
Her eyes widened upon hearing that. She looked at him in disbelief. For the first time, he called her Sakuno. She wanted to be happy, but this wasn't the time for her to be. This must be it! This must be the reason why she felt a foreboding feeling a while ago. Oh, God! Please don't let him die!
"Ryoma-kun…"
"P… Please… believe me…" His breathing started to become uneven and his voice had gone softer. "I… love… you… Sakuno…" he said as emotionally as he could with her eyes starting to close. "Please… believe me… At least… once…" And then his eyes closed.
Completely.
After that, she clamped her mouth with her hands as she shook her head in denial. It was soon followed by a horrified scream that pierced the silence of that dreadful day.
The day that started everything—her regret and suffering…
End of flashback…
Her tears fell once more as she faced the gravestone.
"I guess I should be the one who was supposed to be called an idiot, Ryoma-kun. Not you. I'm sorry…" She heaved a heavy sigh and swallowed a lump in her throat. "I'm sorry that things turned out like this. It's my fault. I should be the one lying in that place. You don't deserve to be there. I'm the idiot between us."
She just allowed her tears to continuously fall. This was the only way, after all. It was enough she didn't come to that place for two years. Even during the funeral services, she didn't come. She didn't have the courage back then.
"It's not that… I don't believe you, Ryoma-kun," she continued. "I've always believed in you, though I know you would think otherwise because of me running away while you were confessing to me back then. Idiotic, I know. I was a coward. All this time, I was a coward who had failed you more often than not, especially for the last time. I was a coward who couldn't even believe to the love you said was meant for me. I was a coward who hid her feelings for the person who loved her the same way. I was a coward who let you suffer and die. And I will always be a coward who couldn't even say 'I love you' to you even before you died. You wouldn't want to be with a coward like me. I couldn't even visit you for the past two years even though I had a plenty of time to do so. But ever since you left, I turned into a pathetic person. Everything about me changed. I should blame you for it… but in the end, I couldn't."
She looked up to the gloomy sky. Despite that, it was a funny thing to say that she had seen a ray of hope. A ray of light that somehow made her believe that Ryoma was just right beside her. It was a scary thought but surprisingly, she felt calm now.
"This might be a little late—or I guess it's already two years too late. But I'm still hoping that… you would care to listen to me. I love you, too, Ryoma-kun. But it took me a while to realize that. I was afraid you would reject me, that's why I didn't tell you before. And I couldn't tell you personally now, as well. But at the very least, I still want you to hear it. Even though it's too late, I want you to hear it." She breathed heavily to calm her erratically beating heart. Though she clearly knew that the person lying under that spot wouldn't answer her in any way, it still felt like she was actually talking to the person face to face. "I love you… and I'm sorry I failed you. I never meant hurting you this way. Even if you forgive me from here on or not, it doesn't matter now. I'll always love you, that's why I want you to remember. If you do that, then I'll be able to continue living my life now without the regret that I've felt for two years straight since you died. Even if I would love someone else other than you, my love for you will never disappear. After all, you're my first love. And you're also my true love since you made me feel its pain because of your death. Pain is part of love, right? You don't have to worry about me. I'll be fine now."
And it was the truth. Now that she finally told him what was in her heart, she would be fine. She has her love for him, after all. For now, it was enough for her to go on with her life. She had finally accepted Ryoma's death. And for sure, he wouldn't want her to suffer from grief and regret anymore. Two years of suffering was enough. It was about time she faced reality.
She sighed after wiping her tears and smiled—a true smile, at last. "I have to go now. I'll visit you again some time. Maybe this coming New Year or during Valentine's. I'll start living my life again. I can do that now." She stood up and faced the gravestone for the last time. "I'll see you sson, Ryoma-kun. I hope you're happy to where you are now."
With the smile still on her face, she started walking away from that place. She couldn't feel any heaviness in her heart as she left the place. At last, she was free. Her heart was free from living in sorrow. It was about time she faced her life with a brand new start.
The snow all around the cemetery somehow brought her to a calming state. Everything around her now was filled with colors of life. A life that she must treasure from now on.
One day, she and Ryoma would meet again. When that time comes, love will never separate them.
That was what she knew and she was happy with it.
Until that day, please wait for me, Ryoma-kun…
THE END
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Reviews are appreciated. :)
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