Till It's Time To Let Go

For The Secret Santa 2012 Fic Exchange

Title: Till It's Time To Let Go

Written For: Girl-luvs-manga

Message: I'm not really sure about writing a NiouSaku fanfic, but this story is something I made for you as a gift. I hope you like it, considering that this is my first time writing a story about this pair. Forgive me if it's a bit (or maybe not just a bit) OOC in some parts. Merry Christmas!

Pairing: Niou/Sakuno

Rating: K+

Genre: Romance/Drama

Summary: Brokenhearted, she only finds consolation from the falling rain to shield her heart from more pain. But instead, a familiar face started patching up what was broken without her knowledge. One-shot NiouSaku pairing.

Standard disclaimer applies.

-x-

A long time ago, someone told me that pain is a part of falling in love. They said that if you never got hurt because of love, then you have never really loved at all. We should be prepared to face it no matter how much it stings—or hurt would have been the perfect word. We feel this pain if we are hurt by the one we love, if we hurt them for some reasons, intentionally or otherwise, if we lost them either because we left them, said something to them or maybe even the other way around. They said something hurtful to us or they left us. Or maybe because we let ourselves believe that love would last for us to cherish. In the end, it all comes down to one thing—it's always the heart that will always be the one which will suffer the most because of these reasons.

I should've known that all along. But then I guess I chose not to pain attention to it. Because of that, I ended up like this and I hated it big time. Hated it to the point of making me wish that I would rather feel the physical pain (you know, when you tripped or got beaten by some goons) than feel the emotional one. The hurt that I felt each time my heart throbbed was like hell.

It was a good thing that standing in the middle of the pouring rain helped me a lot in dealing with the hurt. Rain was a really good camouflage for those suffering in emotional pain. And right now, I was standing in front of the abandoned English house where we used to meet. That house was probably the embodiment of all that I feel for him. I could say that this house also represented what I've been going through right now—the same way my heart was really feeling.

Abandoned…

Broken…

Neglected…

I chuckled a bit when I thought about that. But I knew I could never hide the bitterness in it. Why would I? I've always been true to what I feel, that's why I used the rain to at least hide some of it. This way, no one would know I was suffering right now.

I don't have a family who would care to know what I feel. It has been a long time since a tragic accident claimed all of them from me—making me an orphan. But even though I have been an orphan for a long time, I guess they didn't leave me out in the dark. Their inheritance somehow helped me lived my life.

Of course, I also have some help with a few trusted neighbors who weren't after my inheritance. I knew a lot of my neighbors were like that, that's why I could only trust a few.

But there was no way I would disturb them for my pathetic broken heart. I didn't want to do that. It was enough that they were really nice to take care of me once in a while. It was more than I could ever thank for despite the tragedy in my life.

"You know, you'll easily get sick if you stay here for one more minute."

I was startled when I heard that. That familiar voice made me turn around and then I saw one of my next-door-neighbor who also happened to be my senpai, Niou Masaharu. But instead of smiling thankfully because of his concern for me (which, of course, I know it wasn't just for a show), I just looked at him sadly and faced the abandoned house once again.

"It wouldn't make any difference if I stay here or not, Masaharu-senpai," I said bitterly. "Sooner or later, I'll end up just like this house since no one would care. I'll end up empty and broken wherever you look at it." I couldn't hide the bitterness in my voice since Masaharu-senpai was one of those people who were good to me in few ways than one. He was one of my neighbors that I could really trust even though he played a few tricks to me or so. As a matter of fact, he was one of my friends that I really cherish—the same way I cherish my deceased family. I called him by his first name since he said that he didn't want me to call him by his family name, even though it was a formal way to address someone.

"You think I don't care? I know he left you for another girl who's as pathetic as he is. He left you and you're hurt, Sakuno. You don't have to deny that. Even from behind, I could tell if you're okay or not," Masaharu-senpai said to me seriously. He was lecturing me like a father.

But the funny thing was that I didn't feel annoyed or irritated at his lecture. Although I must admit, I found something surprising that he said to me. Even from behind, he could tell if I was okay or not? How did he do that? Yes, I knew he was a genius but would that include the part that he was a genius in reading people's emotions?

To be honest, I don't know and right now, I couldn't tell. But I guess it wouldn't hurt if I ask him how he could do such a thing.

"How can you do that?" I asked as I turned around and faced him. "How can you read me as easy as though you're just reading a simple book?"

But he never said anything for a few moments. Those few moments alone made me look at him. Despite his pestering attitude especially in doing tricks, I knew he was someone who many girls admire. Or I guess he was just good-looking in some ways. Wait… what? Oh great! What was I thinking right now? It was known to me all along that he was like that. But then, why was I seeing him in a different light? That my heart was reacting differently now that I was looking at him like this?

Never mind the cold rain… Wait! Maybe this was the reason. My mind was starting to have so many thoughts due to the cold rain. Without even knowing, I looked away before I could see something else—or maybe even feel something that I wouldn't be able to explain at all.

"What made you think I couldn't?" he asked instead of answering my question.

It had taken me aback when I heard that. It's like he was saying that he could read me effortlessly. It's like he was saying that only he could do it.

"I know…" he started that (finally) broke the silence surrounding us. "…you never showed your pain to other people. You're hiding under a mask that says 'Everything will be alright' even though you clearly know that some things will never be alright. And now you're using the rain to hide the pain he caused you because he abandoned you. You're saying to yourself that you're going to stay here since no one would care about your feelings anyway—the same way he never cared for you…" he said sternly at first then each words said softer and softer—something I wasn't used to hear from him.

I looked down even more so I could hide the tears that were about to escape from my eyes. I don't want him to see those tears. I don't want to burden him with my pathetic life because a worthless (yes, worthless and a jerk) guy left me. No matter how much it hurt me, I loved that jerk. Loved—which means it was already in past tense.

"But… you don't have to use the rain to do that all the time…" he added that made me look at him. "You don't have to hide everything—especially if it was becoming too unbearable to you. You don't have to use the rain to do that. You don't have to bear all of it by yourself. You probably don't have any idea at all but… there are people who still care for you and wouldn't want to see you suffering… just like what you're doing right now…" he said with such concerns in his eyes that I never failed to see now.

I could see those blue eyes looked at me intently and sincerely. It was the first time I saw him looked at me like that. Even before, he was good at hiding what he was feeling in a ways of tricks being pulled on her. Somehow, it didn't harm me in any way at all.

I could see those expressions in his eyes whenever he was talking to me seriously. But that, too, rarely happened. His eyes still hid emotions so I have no idea as to what he was thinking at all. Even still, I could really see how beautiful those eyes were.

I laughed for a bit with hints of sadness and bitterness in it that I never managed to hide even to Masaharu-senpai. I never realized that my senpai could really read me as easy as that. I couldn't do something like hiding what I was really feeling inside right now. I couldn't do that anymore—especially now that someone managed to read me easily.

But then, why was it that I didn't feel annoyed upon knowing that I could never hide my emotions to him? Why was it that I was touched by his concern about what I really feel even though the rain helped me hide my pain I was going through? Well, it wasn't actually the first time that he showed concern about me and my welfare, even though he has his own ways of showing it. But why did I feel like there was something more than just merely showing his concern towards me?

"Sakuno, you don't have to bear it all alone," he said as he approached towards me until we were just a few inches apart. I slightly looked up to face him since he was a little taller. The umbrella that he was using already shielded me from the falling rain even though it was clearly futile. "I'm still here for you… to give you the courage to go on with your life. He may have left you but it doesn't have to be the end. I'll be with you… until you finally forget about him..."

I couldn't believe I was hearing those words from him. Now that I thought about it, this was the first time I heard him say those words to me. It was like—

"…and I'll help you do it… if that would make you forget about him for good…" he added that surprised me so much, I couldn't move for a short while. But before I could recover from the surprise I felt, he did something even more surprising that I thought had stopped my heart from beating. I froze to my spot with my eyes opened wide as he let go of his umbrella and grabbed my hand before pulling me close to him and did it.

He kissed me! Masaharu-senpai kissed me!

Wait a minute! What the heck was going on? Was this really true? Was he really doing this to me? But we were just neighbors and he was my senpai. We were not supposed to kiss—not like this. Yes, we could kiss on the cheeks.

But on the lips? I didn't think sp.

But before I could do something about it, he gently released my lips as his hands cupped my face. I was looking at him with wide eyes while he looked at me with his blue eyes that had hints of apology and care. But why? Why did he do this? Why now?

"I know… I wouldn't be able to replace him from your heart that easy. But I'll do my best… to help you forget about him and the pain he inflicted on you. What I did to you… I know it'll change a lot between us and our relationship. But I couldn't just stand in one corner watching you drown yourself in suffering and sorrow. I just can't…" he said before he wrapped his arms around me. It was wrapping me tighter, as if he was afraid to let me go.

I couldn't understand why. I couldn't move my body to at least push him away. Or maybe just to return the gesture so warm and caring that it made me want to indulge myself to it for a long time. I just stood there, letting him do what he wanted to do. I didn't even know why I wouldn't find myself to be angry at him.

Or maybe there was no reason for me to be angry—especially at him. I couldn't find even one reason here in my heart to feel something like that.

"I won't force you to answer me right now. But please allow me to spend my moments with you like this. I'll do my best to ease the pain he inflicted in your heart. I'll wait if I have to… I'll wait for you until the time comes for you to let him go."

Why? Why were you saying this to me, Masaharu-senpai? Why were you so determined to help me like this? Why did I have a feeling that you want to replace him in my heart? Were you really in love with me?

I have a lot of questions in my mind. Right now, I must admit that I was eager to seek for their answers. But for some reason, it was weird enough for me to ask him about it. The rain fell harder than it ever did a while ago and I could feel it. Each drop felt like pebbles being dropped from above as it washed me and my pain away. Rain didn't hurt me—not once. Right now, rain made me realize something.

No matter how long, I would hold on to you, Masaharu-senpai. I would hold on to you as long as you wait for me to finally let it go. I would do that if it would help me keep you for so long. Don't let go… Don't let me go…

That was all I could ask of you.

"Till it's time for you to let him go, I'll be here waiting for you…" he said lovingly as he embraced me tight.

Until that time, please wait for my answer, Masaharu-senpai…

-x-

I hope this came out good as my first NiouSaku fic.

To Girl-luvs-manga, I'm not sure about this one but I still hope you like this as a Christmas gift. Since you're not exactly particular with the genre, I made it like this. You see, I'm more used to writing dramatic or angsty stories (I think) so I hope it's still good. I posted it earlier because I won't have time to do it on Christmas morning. I'm still busy with a lot of things, to be honest. More of them concern my projects in school.

As for those who will read this story, do you want to guess who broke Sakuno's heart? You can leave it on your reviews. Thanks for reading. :)