If I Could Say I Love You

Title: If I Could Say I Love You

Fandom: Prince of Tennis

Pairing: Kirihara/Sakuno

Genre: Romance/Drama

Rating: K+

Summary: He only had one chance to tell her everything. And tell her, he did… in his own way before it's too late… before it will be over for good.

This is the Kirihara/Sakuno fic that I mentioned before. I just typed this out of the blue while in front of the computer so I have no idea what I'm doing here. Anyway, please tell me what you think about this one. If you have questions, you can place it in your reviews or you could just PM me.

Standard disclaimer applies. You are warned that the characters might not be in their usual selves (in other words, possible OOCness).

-x-x-

I'm not someone who believes in fate, or destiny or anything related to that. I'm not such person who bothers myself in that topic at all. I only have my mind set on my goals in life. None of which has something to do with fate and destiny.

But everything changes when I met someone. I don't find anything extraordinary about that person at all. But inside of me, I find her special in some way. I can see that.

And I want you to know that you are that person, Ryuzaki Sakuno.

Can I believe in fate? What about destiny? Inevitability? What else is there for me to believe upon meeting you?

I know. I can't believe I'm saying this right now. But I believe that I'm saying the truth to you… that I want to find a way to know what to believe. You came to my life in a blur but with a speed so remarkable that I didn't know what to do. It was fast so I had no time to prepare myself for the effect that your presence could bring to me.

I hate you for that, you know? But why can't I tell you that? I want to hate you for making my life so confusing because of your arrival. I hate it how my heart beats fast whenever you're near me. I hate it how you make me so agitated in talking to you. I hate it when I think about you at night, making me miss you all the more. I hate all that… and yet I can't bring myself to tell you all this at all. They all felt this weird, as well. It's so confusing that it hurts, too. It hurts that I can't tell you the truth at all.

I can't do anything. I can't do anything at all. I want to hate you for this. I want to hate you for making it all distracting and confusing and irritating for me. I've never been like this my whole life. When you arrived, it all began. Everything I'm feeling right now was making it all… mind-wrecking. I'm not supposed to feel like this. But I can't help it. I have no control of my heart at all now. I can't do anything for all of this to stop or at least return to the way it was before.

Sakuno… you believe me, right? Please… believe me at least this once. I know my words are not that clear. But I'm telling the truth. This truth that I'm saying to you right now is something that I have hidden here in my poor heart for so long. I'm so pathetic for not realizing it earlier. I'm such a fool for denying it to myself for so long. I should've told you the truth a long time ago… when I finally assured to myself that I…

Can you forgive me for that, Sakuno? I'm sorry for holding this in, for keeping this to myself. I really don't know what to do at all. But I want to tell you that I love you. At least, I want you to know that even if it's the last time.

I don't have tomorrow to tell you this so I only have today. I can't stop time so now I want to spend every bit of chance and time I have, no matter how little it is. I don't want to lose it anymore. I don't want to lose you, most of all. But you're leaving me. And so it will be inevitable that I will lose you like this. I know you love someone else so I'll just stay like this. Missing you, longing for you, loving you…

I can only do that in shadows, though. After all, I'm just nothing but the shadow that follows. I'll follow you wherever you go. My love for you will be that shadow. Yes… at long last, I finally admit that to you. I love you… so much.

So thank you… for coming to my life and making it beautiful for me at least for once.

These are the words of the heart that had felt an emotion called love for once in this monotonous life I'm living for a long time. Do you think love can make life something technicolor? But I guess only you can make that happen to me. I only want you to do that to me. I don't want anyone else.

If ever you read this, tell me what you think about it.

One day, I want you to tell me that. Can you do that to me?

…

So I guess it's goodbye… for now…

But I want you to know that I love you… okay?

I just wish you could do something for me about it. Please tell me that—tell me those words… even for the last time.

Don't leave my heart hanging here…

Tell me what you feel about me, Sakuno… before I lose you for good…

…

Leaving the one I love hurt and broken will be my greatest sin. But leaving him hanging over something extremely important and has great value to him is something I can never do. I want him to know the answer… before it's over…

Akaya… I'm sorry if I only told you this just now. I hate it when I'm making you cry because of hurt over something that you're not supposed to feel. But this is the truth that has lived here in my heart for so long. And I want you to know all this before I lose the chance to do so. And I want you to believe every word here. Okay?

I love you too…

At least I want you to know that even though I'll be gone. I want you to know that. I don't want you to cry for me once I'm gone and can never talk to you or even be with you again. I can't be with you anymore so this is the only chance I have to do this.

I'm sorry for hurting you like this. I'm sorry… for not noticing your feelings for me.

I'm sorry… for everything I've done for you to suffer like this.

But I can't do anything now. I don't have strength left in me to fight any longer. So please be strong for me. Just do that for me, at the very least.

One day, we'll be able to meet again. Our paths will cross once again… somewhere, some place, some time… I don't know how will it happen but I have faith…

…in our intertwined fate…

…and our bonded destiny…

One day, we'll find each other again. Our hearts will be our guide all the way.

So please, don't cry anymore.

Wait for me, okay?

-x-x-

Reviews are very much appreciated. :)