[Brent]
PAGKAHIGANG-PAGKAHIGA ko sa damuhan ay isang malalim na buntong-hininga ang naging tugon ko. I’d been doing a lot of that lately pero hindi ko na ipinagtataka kung bakit. Magulo ang takbo ng utak ko, iyon lang iyon. As in sobrang gulo, hindi ko na alam kung paano ko pa magagawang ayusin iyon.
Naroon ako sa tagong parte ng seaside park na malapit lang sa Oceanside dahil katatapos lang ng PE II subject namin – and thank goodness that the dreaded dance practicum was finally over. Ang parkeng iyon ang sanctuary ko, lalo na kapag samu’t saring isipin ang bumabagabag sa akin at kailangan ko talaga ng isang tahimik na lugar para mag-isip.
Habang ginagawa ko iyon, I couldn’t help it pero bigla ay napangiti ako nang maalala ko si Relaina.
Halatang nagulat ito nang sabihin ni Mrs. Castro sa amin na kami ni Relaina ang nakakuha ng pinakamataas na marka sa dance practicum naming iyon. Aaminin ko, ako man ay nagulat din pero may palagay na ako kung bakit ganoon ang nangyari.
Talagang pinaghandaan namin ni Relaina ang dance practicum. Somehow, we came up with a temporary truce – as she suggested, much to his disappointment – so we could do the practicum right. Is-in-et aside muna namin ang bangayan namin nito. Iyon lang naman ang paraan para magawa namin iyon. May isa’t kalahating linggo lang kami noon para mag-practice kaya naman talagang kinarir namin ang pag-eensayo – without even knowing that the past one and a half week would seriously change a lot between me and her.
Hindi lang kami ni Relaina ang pares na dapat magpe-perform ng waltz pero minabuti na lang naming hindi mag-practice kasabay ng ibang mga pareha. To be honest, I was glad about that dahil solo ko ang panahon at atensiyon ni Relaina kahit panandalian lang even though she was oddly civil to me.
That week and a half made me see things in a new light. Holding Relaina gently in my arms like that while we were dancing gracefully together felt so right. Hindi ko id-in-eny iyon kahit sa sarili ko. I even wished I could hold her like that forever. Pero dahil yata sa pang-aasar ko rito at sa sukdulan hanggang langit na inis nito sa akin, mukhang malabong matupad ang wish ko na iyon. Besides, the truce was over.
Iyon lang ang isang bagay na magpasahanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin matanggap… at hindi ko na naman alam kung bakit. Nakakainis!
Pero wala sa bokabularyo ng isang Brent Allen Rialande-Montreal ang agad panghinaan ng loob. In fact, I was up to that challenge laid out in front of me.
Relaina was the challenge I wouldn’t give up dealing with.
Ang dance practicum na iyon ang unang pagkakataon na nakita ko si Relaina na nakasuot ng gown dahil required ang costume. Kahit simple lang ang pagkakayari niyon – maging ang itsura nito na walang bahid ng anumang kolorete sa mukha nito – ay talagang bumagay iyon dito. Napatanga talaga ako – mabuti na lang at hindi napansin iyon ni Relaina – nang makita ko ito na ganoon ang ayos.
Mabuti na lang at tinulungan ako ni Mayu na huwag ipahalata iyon dito at sa mga kaklase namin. Nakakahiya kaya kapag nangyari iyon. Wala na akong mukhang maihaharap sa mga ito kapag nagkataon. Hindi ko na lang pinansin ang mga pasimpleng kantyaw nina Neilson at Mayu sa amin habang nagsasayaw kami ni Relaina sa harap ng klase.
But even though we didn’t talk, it didn’t bother me. In fact, the silence between us was calming. The music just made it feel so wonderful. I couldn’t understand why but that was what I exactly felt while dancing with Relaina.
Muli akong nagpakawala ng isang pagkalalim-lalim na buntong-hininga matapos kong isipin ang mga kaganapang iyon. I had to admit, it was one of the most wonderful memories I would never forget. Hindi talaga ako magsasawang i-replay iyon sa utak ko, lalo pa’t aminado ako na ang alaalang iyon ang isa sa kumumpleto sa college life ko.
No, maybe not just my college life but perhaps even my entire life.
Weird… Why would I think like that?
I stood up and was about to leave that place when I heard someone singing softly yet loud enough for me to hear not far away from my position.
[Now playing “It Hurts When Love Fails” by Nelson Del Castillo]
**I’m afraid to love you
I’m afraid to care
I hope you understand my heart
‘Coz it hurts when love fails**
Napatigil ako sa paglalakad nang marinig ko iyon. Pamilyar kasi sa akin ang tinig na pinagmulan niyon. It was from a girl. Ewan ko ba kung bakit ang talas yata ng tainga ko kapag babae ang nagsasalita o kumakanta.
But it didn’t take me long to find her, though. And he was right, it was from a girl. I didn’t know but I definitely felt something weird that it was from Relaina.
“Nagpupunta rin pala siya rito…” bulong ko sa sarili ko. But then… why was she singing that song now, of all times? May nangyari na naman ba na hindi ko alam?
Nakita ko itong nakasandal ang likod sa isang malaki at matanda nang puno ng acacia. She probably didn’t know someone was watching her. And to think that “someone” was me – the guy whom she hated in some way or another, whether I admitted it or not.
**I’m afraid to hold you
I’m afraid of your touch
I’m afraid to love again
‘Coz it hurts when love fails**
I frowned as I heard her voice, especially now that I was slightly closer to her position. Hay… Ano ba naman ‘tong buhay ko? Wala na ba talaga akong ibang gagawin pagdating sa babaeng ito kundi ang umaktong stalker nito? Seriously, how could I even live doing something like that to her?
But then I won’t deny that I could sense bitterness… and confusion in her voice as I heard her sing the song. Weird…
Well, if she was singing that song to become a reminder, then that explained it. What happened between her and Oliver was probably that traumatic on her part kaya medyo distant ito sa mga kaklase naming lalaki, lalong-lalo na sa akin. But it was a different issue when it comes to me and Neilson. Affable lang talaga ang kakambal kong iyon kaya hindi naman iwas si Relaina kay Neilson.
Samantalang ako, hinaharap lang ako nito kapag kinukulit at inaasar ko ito. Iyon lang naman kasi ang alam kong paraan para kunin ang atensiyon nito – well, noon iyon. Para bang ang pang-aasar ko rito ang paraan ko upang ipaalam rito na nag-e-exist ako kahit papaano – kahit above boiling point ang asar nito sa akin sa simula pa lang.
Kung hindi pa s-in-uggest ng babaeng iyon ang tungkol sa truce, hindi pa magbabago ang lahat sa pagitan naming dalawa ni Relaina. But I accepted it without me even knowing that hell of a truce would seriously change everything in a great deal.
**It hurts me so bad at the time
That I wasn’t able to sleep
Tears were falling from my eyes
And I never noticed it
It hurts me so bad
That I never wanted to live
I’m afraid to love again
‘Coz it hurts when love fails**
Gulo nga yata ang pinasok ko nang tanggapin ko iyon. Gulo sa utak… at siguro pati na rin sa nararamdaman ko.
Now I knew one of her fears – and that was to fall in love again and end up making the same mistake twice. Ano na ang gagawin ko ngayong nalaman ko na ang mga iyon? In the first place, may dapat nga ba akong gawin? And how would it benefit me even if I really did something?
Ngunit bago pa ako makapag-isip ng kahit ano ay nakita kong may kinuha ito sa bag at inilabas iyon. My eyes widened before I could even stop myself when I saw the flower I entrusted to Mayu to be given to Relaina right after the dance practicum.
It was a Sweet William na naisip kong hingin sa flower farm ni Tita Marie nang bumisita ako roon nang nagdaang araw. I intended to give it to Relaina through Mayu because of the flower’s meaning – as per usual. Kailan ba ako nagbigay ng bulaklak sa isang tao na hindi iniintindi ang meaning ng mga iyon?
Maybe that flower could at least grant my wish – and it was to see her smile a real smile at me. I continued watching Relaina to see her reaction regarding the flower. She was just staring at it – with a blank face at the start na talaga namang nakakapanghina ng loob. But like I said, sa start lang iyon. A few seconds later, I saw it.
Pero pakiramdam ko ay kinapos ako ng hininga nang masilayan ko ang tanawing para bang naging tugon sa hiling ko. Relaina was smiling a real smile! Nakangiti ito habang pinagmamasdan ang bulaklak na hawak nito. Natupad ang hiling kong mapangiti ito; hindi ako makapaniwala!
“Tita, ano’ng ibig sabihin ng Sweet William? At bakit ito ang ibinibigay mo sa akin?”
Tumingin sa akin si Tita Marie. “Di ba sabi mo sa akin na gusto mo siyang makitang ngumiti sa iyo? That flower only says what you want. Sweet William means ‘grant me one smile’. O ano, may angal ka pang bata ka?”
Naalala ko ang usapan namin ni Tita Marie sa flower farm nito nang nagdaang araw. Tama ang tita ko. The flower said what I really wanted from Relaina. And now, I saw it with my own eyes even though she wasn’t really smiling at me but at the flower I indirectly gave to her. Pero sa pakiramdam ko, sa akin pa rin ito nakangiti.
Nakakagaan ng kalooban, sa totoo lang. I knew it was weird of me to feel that way but I couldn’t help it.
Napangiti na rin ako matapos ang ilang sandaling pagkatulala sa ngiti nito. Kasabay niyon ay pinakiramdaman ko ang puso kong parang tambol sa pagtibok nang malakas at mabilis na kay Relaina ko lang talaga naramdaman. Aaminin ko na iyon. I never felt this intense feeling from other girls before. Yes, I was attracted to them pero may malalim na rason ang mga iyon. At parang hanggang hanggang doon na lang iyon. Those beauty held a dark secret that I so desperately wanted to expose and destroy kaya ako nakilala as a heartbreaker.
But I couldn’t stay doing the same thing over and over any longer. Iyon naman dapat, ‘di ba? And that moment, I realized something after looking for answers that seemed to evade me these past months ever since I met her.
Sa paghawak ko sa dibdib ko kung saan patuloy sa pagtibok nang mabilis ang puso ko, doon ko lang lubusang naintindihan ang lahat. Oh, shit! Ito na ba iyon?
When I looked at her – still with a genuine and gentle smile on her face – I found the answer.
Mukhang tama nga yata si Neilson. Ilang beses ko mang alugin ang lahat ng nilalaman ng utak ko patungkol sa babaeng ‘to, iisa lang yata ang lalabas na sagot sa mga tanong ko.
I was in love with Relaina… and I would definitely end up dead because of it.
Great! Now I would definitely end up doomed!
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A/N: Na-realize na rin niya sa wakas! Grabe! Anyway, on the next coming chapters, medyo magiging intense na po ang sitwasyon nina Relaina at Brent. And it has something to do with Brent's past and revenge.
Iyon lang po muna. Enjoy reading this chapter!
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