How have you changed in the past 2 years?

Not so much, if I'm going to be honest. Or at least, I'd like to think that there wasn't so much changes because of my way of thinking. I do have sensitivity issues now compared to before. I was writing a lot before and I was more inspired about a lot of things before. I don't have much of a care about the world (or should I say, my surroundings) before compared to now. I did notice that I have heightened sensitivity towards my surroundings now and I decided to work on heightening my intuition now, as well. If it was from 2 years ago, I would have ignored this intuition issue, to be honest.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What do you want to do with your free time today?

Write and read. Big time.

Okay. This is just between you and me. But you see, these two are the activities I've been neglecting to do for quite a while now. I got so caught up in reality, daydreaming, and overthinking that there was no room for me to do the things that gave me comfort and boost before.

By the way, on the writing part, journal writing is not included there, okay? What I mean by this is fiction writing. I haven't done that for a while. Same goes to fiction reading ー or I guess I should include nonfiction here, as well. But only if the subject is something that caught my interest.

Yes, I know free time is suppose to be for resting and enjoying to do relaxing things. But these are the activities I'd like to do without distractions at all. I'd like to do it together with a peaceful flow, you know?

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Dear Past Me...

Dear Past Me,

Forgive me for writing here at the start that I want to say sorry to you if this would make you scared or emotional in some ways. I want to say sorry for disappointing you in so many ways. Forgive me... for not being the confident person you once wished to become when you reach this age. A lot of things had happened, and a lot of them had either broken my heart, disappointed me, or shattered my confidence over all. Because of that, I've missed a lot of opportunities in life. I've garnered a lot of regrets in life that even you would feel ashamed that you are about to go through all that. So forgive me for being such a huge disappointment to your hopeful young self.

One thing I can tell you to change it all ー be more aggressive in pursuing what you want to do in life. Yes, even more aggressive than your younger sisters. Be yourself, but don't forget to do a little glow-up methodology and techniques so that it's not only your brains that people would notice about you. Have your own beauty routine so that you won't fall behind your sisters. Maybe ー just maybe ー it can help you get the attention of whoever guy (cute or smart or handsome) captures your young heart.

I know that these are weird advices coming from your older self, but I'm doing this for your sake. I'm doing this so that you could have at least a chance to do your best your life the way you deemed fit for your age and mindset. I love you so much, that's why I'm writing you this. Do this, so you won't have anything to regret once you reach my age. Be yourself, and it's not going to be a hard thing for you to love yourself more.

I love you, and I hope you take the advice I wrote here.

From your 28-year-old self

What is your favorite personality trait?

If this prompt is about personality trait that I see on other people, then I would say (or write) patience and being warm. I don't know which among the "Big 5" these traits fall under, but I'd rather not delve into that since it's just going to give me more headache, to be honest.

Why patience? Maybe because I've exhibited this particular trait for as I can remember. I tried my utmost best not to rush things even though at times, I do get frustrated when things don't come or happen when I expect them to be or when the waiting turned out to be longer than anticipated. But yeah, I can say being patient is one of those personality traits that I love.

As for warmth (or being warm), I consider this as a favorite because this is something that I actually lack. I've known for a long time that I'm not as warm or congenial aa that of my sister. But I try. At least I know I've tried. Even though I lack warmth, it's still a wonderful personality trait for me since this can lead to a very congenial relationship with someone.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

A letter to your body.

To my still striving body,

First of all, forgive me for letting you endure a lot because of all that I'm doing. I know we both had to deal with muscle strain and muscle pain due to all the lifting we had to do. But in all that, I am still glad that I could rely on you most of the time. I'm pretty much aware that you need a long rest and here I am again, apologizing for not being able to let you do so.

I'm proud of you, though, for being able to handle a lot, for being able to stay strong enough not just for me but also for those who needs that strength. Over the next years, let's stay healthy so we could do more for our dreams still waiting to be fulfilled.

Love,

Florence Joyce

What do you envy of your partner or your friends?

Wow. Talk about a trip down the memory lane type of question again for tonight's journal prompt. Then again, a lot of the prompts I'd pick up have that kind of vibe. Let's see... I'm going to be pointing it towards friends as I still don't have a partner at all. And this might come out as lame, cringey or childish at some point, so I'm warning you.

I really envy their determination, their humor, the way they handled their challenges. I envy a lot about my friends ー both in real world and online. More often than not, I envy about their confidence and the way they present themselves to the world. They didn't let the world cooped them up in one corner and forever hide from everyone.

Even if I say "I wish...", wishing won't lead me anywhere. I got to have my own confidence, as well, so that it won't be hard for me to show myself that this is me and this is what's going to make me successful. In my own way, I'm doing it ー that's something I'd like to say to myself confidently.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Open/read when: You need some love...

Dear (Future) Sunrise,

Here I am, writing to you again. I hope you won't mind. I know I still haven't met you yet. We haven't crossed paths at all ー at least not yet. But you know I can wait. I'm willing to wait until I can finally meet you. We do stand under the same sky, regardless of where you are right now. And that sky will become my guide to meet you one day.

Wherever you are, I hope that you are okay. That you are healthy. That you are loved ー both by your family and by many people around you. And here I am, actually grateful that you are living a well-off life (both literally and metaphorically). Then again, I can tell that there could be moments when it wasn't enough. Or maybe you can't feel it, for some reasons. Whatever the case, let this love I saved for you reach you in some ways.

I'd love it so much if this letter would help you remember why (one day) I will choose to love you. It's because you're you. You, at some point and I can tell, will change my life for the better. You will make me find one best part of myself that I didn't even know I have in me. If you're losing the reason to continue, please know that I'm still here. In time, we'll meet each other. In God's perfect timing, we'll love each other deeply and unconditionally. Don't ever think that no one loves you when a moment for you to think like that. I love you. I will love you. And I will always find a way to love you, even at your worst. Don't lose hope. Don't lose faith. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.

These words might not be enough for now. One day, I know and I'd love to see how these words can somehow change you. In time, if fate allows it, then I can show it to you and prove it to you in ways I know. I may be lacking in some parts, but let me do my best to show to you that are loved, whoever you are. You are the one I will choose to be with and you will be the one who I can love with all my heart. I hope you will remember that before we meet ー finally.

With all the love I have,

Florence Joyce

What's a funny story that makes you laugh every time?

Funny story? Okay, now I have to rake my mind to actually recall one. Because seriously, I can't recall anything like that at all. Or maybe I'm just refusing to even remember? But why is that? Have I truly encountered a funny story that can still make me laugh until now?

If it is something I experienced or encountered, then I couldn't recall any. Sorry, but I really rake my mind for anything about this. As sad as it may seem, but there's nothing that comes in mind at all. I feel bad, for some reasons I can't tell.

But if it is from what I've been watching or reading, then I guess I could mention a few of them. They came from watching Kalyeserye, though. Of course, it's because the people who told them were comedians. But that's to be expected. And watching them again, they still make me laugh. Every time. Without fail.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What famous world festivals would you like to attend?

Well, this is a fun prompt. It's something new. But come to think of it, have I actually thought of traveling the world with the intention of attending a festival? I need to get to have a passport and the necessary funds to actually do this in the future. But hey! A person can dream, right? And who knows? It can manifest right in front of me before I know it.

Anyway, I guess I'll just list 15 of those festivals here, just in case. And one day, perhaps I could cross it out one by one. Either alone or with someone I love. Here goes:

1. Sky Lantern Festival (Taiwan)
2. Yeouido Cherry Blossom Festival (South Korea)
3. Sapporo Snow Festival (Japan)
4. Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta (New Mexico, USA)
5. St. Patrick's Day (Ireland)
6. Verona In Love Festival (Italy)
7. Jinju Lantern Festival (South Korea)
8. Hwacheon Sancheoneo (South Korea)
9. Venice Carnival (Italy)
10. Maskara Festival (The Philippines)
11. August Moon Festival (Greece)
12. Aomori Nebuta Matsuri (Japan)
13. Frankfurt Bookfair (Germany)
14. Seollal (South Korea)
15. Pahiyas Festival (The Philippines)

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What is the one thing you are excited about?

This is just what I've noticed over the years. But it seems that traveling is the one thing that can really make me hyper ― besides new story ideas, of course. Even as a child, it's something that could really make me stay up all night because of excitement. Riding somewhere far and watch the scenery as it goes can make me feel elated in some ways and I love that feeling. I always do.

Sadly, because of the CoViD-19 situation, it's unsure if we could still do it again. But I'm feeling it somehow that before the year ends, things can get better. I'm believing it and I am continuing to do that. There's nothing wrong with that, right?

🌸Florence Joyce🌸