It Never Happened

Disclaimer: POT will never be mine, whatever I do.

IT NEVER HAPPENED

Pairing: Yukimura/Sakuno

-x-

Memories were meant to be remembered.

Memories were meant to be cherished.

Memories were meant to give people hope and drive to go on.

But in Sakuno's case, it wasn't like that at all. They had turned into a dream, a figment of imagination. However, that dream had become a means for her to forget everything…

…to forget what had really happened…

…to forget the truth…

She wanted to find out the truth, but the truth she sought for always seemed to evade her. For some reason, she felt like something—or maybe someone—wanted her not to remember anything.

But those dreams—those that gave her nothing but endless emotional pain and made her unable to breathe as if she felt like dying—let her realize that something was missing.

In her mind…

In her life…

And most importantly, in her heart…

She felt so lost because of that void. And yet she couldn't figure out what exactly was she was seeking for all this time…

-x-

It was always like this. I always ending up awake in the middle of the night.

It was that dream's fault again.

That dream… what in the world could it mean?

"Don't cry, Sakuno… Just smile for me… Okay?"

Who was that? How did that person know my name? Why couldn't I see his face? And why did I have this feeling that he was someone I knew?

"It's better this way… It will hurt me but it won't last. Just smile for me… before I lose the chance to see it again…"

"Don't leave me… Please don't leave me…" I pleaded in incessant tears flowing. I couldn't stop it from falling like that.

"I'm sorry… for leaving you this way…"

Why was I hurting this way? That person… those lavender eyes staring at me blankly… His soothing voice encouraging me despite the pain he was feeling… Were they all real? If it was, why couldn't I remember them?

Did they even exist? Did that person even exist in my life?

It was always the same dream. Over and over, it played in my mind for some reason. And every time, I could feel the hurt—so much hurt—as if I've felt them once before. Now I was feeling them again.

How could something like that exist in my mind? What does it have to do with me?

"Sakuno…"

I looked up when I was snapped out from my reverie and I saw Sanada beside me. It looked like I disturbed his sleep… again. I couldn't help feeling embarrassed about it.

"I'm sorry. I ended up disturbing you again," I apologized in a tone so soft, as if only the wind could hear me. How many times have I apologized to him like this?

"Is it the same dream?" He asked it in an understanding tone, as if he knew.

I had no choice but to nod. I could never hide something like this from him anyway. After all, he'd been so good to me like an older brother I never had. But why did I have this feeling that he was doing this to me for another reason?

"Sanada-san… I've been meaning to ask you this a long time ago…" I started and heaved a heavy sigh to gather my courage. "Did that dream ever happened in reality? Did someone really die in my arms that night?"

He didn't say anything for a while. I didn't find it weird, though. Sanada was a man of few words. But his actions compensated to that. He took care of me when I couldn't remember who I was for a few months after the night I had an accident and someone attempted to kill me. His former teammates in Rikkaidai and my previous senpais in Seigaku gave me a reason to continue living on even though my grandmother had passed away recently.

But this was something that I thought was weird. The air around him was something similar to that of reluctance and tension. Was there something—anything—that he wasn't telling me? Was he keeping something important from me?

"Just smile for me, Sakuno… even if I'll be forced to leave you like this. Do that for me, okay?"

Those words… Even though they were encouraging in its own rights, why did it still hurt me as if I wouldn't be able to breathe properly whenever I had the chance to do that? How come I felt like dying whenever I remembered them, whenever it echoed in my mind?

"Sanada-san?"

He heaved a sigh—another unusual thing about him. But I chose to ignore it. However, I couldn't understand why my heart sank at his answer.

"No… they never happened," was what he said nonchalantly.

So it meant that it was only a figment of my imagination then, huh?

-x-

They never happened… That was what Sanada needed to let Sakuno remember since it was a promise he made when Yukimura died that night in Sakuno's arms. He made the same promise on his best friend's grave. He made that promise when they found out that she suffered from amnesia due to the trauma of the incident, particularly because of the shock over her lover's death.

It was better this way. It was better that she wouldn't be able to remember that tragic night at all. That way, she would never feel the pain of losing the one she loved so much anymore. The source of that pain would only exist in the realm of dreams—only in her dreams. He just hoped it would never leave there. He didn't want to watch Sakuno suffer anymore if in case she was able to remember what had happened that night.

If she wasn't able to remember, then it never happened, right?

This is what you want to happen to her. Right, Seiichi? For her not to feel this much hurt, this is the right choice for her to be able to move on…

-x-

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