(poem) A Way To Your Love

I thought I could live fully without falling in love

But I guess loving someone is a part that we have

We only need to control this blazing feeling

So that we won't end up completely falling

I've walked and walked around to find you

But I think you won't easily make me go through

For you've built a labyrinth around your world

So everyone won't treat you so cold

I've tried to listen to what my mind says

But my heart puts my doubts in a place

A place where love can replace all my doubts

By putting trust to continue everything out

Troubles might destroy the path leading to you

But the hope in my heart makes me live through

I even dreamed of loving you one day

A day that in my heart will eternally stay

I compared your love to the highest star

Because you won't let me reach your heart that's far

But I'll try my hardest to reach the stars above

Because I want to find a way to your love

(poem) This Time For Real

What a beautiful sight in the sky

With soaring little birds and colorful butterflies

A sight so pretty but it's not enough

To get rid of this pain that makes my heart rough

Living in pain is a terrible way

Of living in this world each coming day

Because I believe in those words that's sweet

And enough to race my heartbeat

I lived now in a world that's sad

While this pain devours my heart real bad

Because you left me here in the dark alone

The same way you found me here on my own

I dreamed of a love so true since before

Before I decided to open some new door

But in the end, I suffered so much

Because of depression that I couldn't watch

But I won't make the same mistake

That will make me in tears will shiver and shake

For I won't let pain that my heart will feel

Because I know I will find it this time for real

(poem) If Ever I Fall In Love

I have never loved someone in this time of mine yet

because I didn't have a chance to look at those people I've met.

I may have passed the Christmas and New Year without it,

yet my heart completely yearns for it and never in a bit.

If ever I fall in love with a person different from me,

I won't ever look at our differences that others can see.

It doesn't matter to those who truly loves you so,

like waiting leisurely at the cold, white blanket of snow.

If ever I fall in love with someone I didn't mean to love,

I can't even forsee what kind of life I'm going to have

even when I know that life has unexpected surprises and thrills

that this simple thought I had can't simply locate in hills.

If ever I fall in love with the person that secretly loves me,

I know I would be glad like the sun that smiles happily.

I hope that this person sees through my heart that beats;

a beat that only your heart can feel and hear it.

But time passes by so fast that I can't even notice,

yet I'm still walking down my path that I will never miss.

If ever a time comes that I fall in love with someone,

I only hope his feelings will never run away and be gone.

For The Love Of Yuri 5 - For The Sake Of Love

"It can't be… Ryuuji?" Erika muttered in extreme shock.

Ryuuji smirked.

"It's a good thing you know me… Erika Shibuya."

She opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. She couldn't believe it!

The man that became the reason why she had to be separated from Yuri and the others a long time ago… why she had to do an unbelievable task in order to protect Yuri.

But before she could react even further, she saw Ryuuji was about to strike her down using a katana. It looked like he really wanted to kill her and Yuri, but this is something she couldn't allow to happen. She has yet to do something in order for Yuri and Wolfram to find the happiness they both deserve from each other. It's enough that both had to suffer because of a decision to end something as special as Yuri and Wolfram's friendship. She wouldn't allow someone to die because of it.

(poem) The Only Reason

I can't tell how much I thank God for you came

In my life where I thought I'll always be the same

But you changed me and my heart all in a day

And you even released all of my doubts away

You let me live a life that made me feel new

And I can see the sky has a different kind of blue

I can feel a different kind of peace when you're with me

Mkaing me see the new person that I'm going to be

You're an example of a dawn that lits up the world

For you showed me that the night will end its cold

You showed me a new beginning that I should face

But will never be complete without your love in that place

You've raised the curtain of an endless night

And it had given me so much gladness and delight

I'm happy that I've met you in this world somehow

Because you're the only reason that I exists right now

You're the only reason I could feel true love

And it's a gift that I never thought I'll have

Just make a pledge to me as I love you, too

Love me forever so I can live together with you

Merry Christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!

First Christmas greeting na maipo-post ko rito sa blog ko. Weird ba? Ewan ko lang. Pero mas okay na siguro ito para nga may variation ang mga naka-post dito. Hindi ko na naman alam kung saan patutungo ang daloy ng isipan ko pagdating sa mga maiisipan kong ilagay sa blog ko. Pero dahil para sa akin naman ito mostly, bahala na si life sa magiging kahihinatnan ng mga pinaglalalagay ko rito. Baka nga one of these days, maisipan ko pang ilagay ang journal entries ko from way back 2006. Wow! Almost isang dekada na pala. Ang tagal, ah.

Wala naman akong masabing kakaiba pagdating sa Christmas celebration namin ngayon. Maybe except for the fact na may tension na dahil na rin sa nangyari kina Mama at Papa. Magulo na talaga, eh. Kahit sabihin pang inaasahan na namin na umabot sa ganito, iba pa rin pala 'yong feeling kapag nandiyan na.

Should I even call this a good Christmas? Puwede siguro. Nandito pa naman kaming magkakapatid, eh. Nasa poder pa rin naman kami ni Mama. Sigurado, magiging mahirap. Pero... kakayanin naman siguro. Tingnan na lang natin.

(poem) Twice In A Lifetime

Why did I feel hurt when I let you go before

When I knew I have loved you from my heart's core?

I knew I couldn't go back no matter how I want to return

And I never had a chance to change my life's turn

If only I could be given a chance to change my past

Then maybe I could make my love for you surely last

But I don't have enough power nor the guts to wait

For I couldn't counter the cards dealt by my fate

I've regretted everything that I once thought was best

And I kept on asking this question inside my chest

Will I be able to let you feel and know

The devastating pain of letting you go?

If only I could find a love like I've felt for you twice

Then I guess everything would feel so nice

It's like loving you for the second time in my life

So I'll never feel the pain that cuts like a knife

But no matter how I think and remember the past

I can only wish for something in this world that run fast

If only in my lifetime, I could feel something nice again

If only in a lifetime, I could love you more than twice here and then

(poem) Too Young To Love

I remember a memory of when I was a kid

As I found a flower that dropped a little seed

It's the same way my so-called love for him

Was trampled has shattered my only greatest dream

I don't want to recall that past of mine anymore

But somehow, my mind travels to that time before

And I can't help but to feel the pain inside

Because of a feeling that I cursed for it lied

My love for him was only a lie that I should forget

A mere memory that I should never regret

And in spite of the pain that I've felt back then

I guess I should be thankful for I've felt heaven

Loving him before made me reach heaven in my heart

Though I've known it's unrequited and might break apart

And I lose my pride and unwillingly had my feelings burn

Then I ended up hurting my heart and my love in return

Now I've found out that I was too young back then

Too young to fall in love at the age of eleven

Too young to release the feelings that in my heart I store

And I know now that I was too young to love before

(poem) The Bleeding Heart

I woke up this morning with circles under my eyes

Because I've cried so much for the past I couldn't revise

And I hate the night from coming down the world

Because it's when everything felt so lonely and cold

I can tell that a part of myself longs for you

But the other part seems to hate you so true

For you left me here broken as I cried in despair

Even worst from the pain of falling down the stairs

I've never fell the sun shines on me as bright as before

For you have made my heart bleed to the very core

And no matter how much I stumble here and fall

You wouldn't be here anymore to help me stand tall

I couldn't listen to my mind even though I wanted to

For my heart keeps on calling your name as I remember you

I cried and cried as I felt the pain of my bleeding heart

As if each drop of tears is slowly slipping it apart

I want to know one thing as I try to get rid of the pain

Before I become completely drenched in broken heart's rain

Will I feel the same love that I've felt back then?

Will I be able to find your love once again?

(poem) Just A Breath Away

I'm here in my room as I listen to a song

That I want to hear again as it plays along

It reminds me of something from the past

That might have completed me if I let it last

I let myself cry as I recalled a memory

Along with all the pain that it left inside of me

But I know that no matter how I try to recall

I can't turn back to the past that made me fall

I considered myself a jerk as I remember it

And it hurts me completely as I recall a bit

Why did I let his love for me slipped away?

Why didn't I hear his pleading to me that day?

He showed me something that I never saw before

But there are questions that show as I forcefully close my door

He's not perfect as I picture him in my mind

But is it enough for me to leave him behind?

I shouldn't have listened to what my mind had told

Because now, I begin to regret as I endured the winter cold

How come I never listened to my heart as it say

That the love I want is just a breath away?

For The Love Of Yuri 4 - Is This Goodbye?

"End your friendship with him? Have you gone insane?" Erika blurted out just after she heard Yuri's decision. After a while, she just sighed heavily and slightly shook her head in disbelief as she rubbed her temples. Seriously, what was this guy thinking? "So that's it? You're just simply going to end everything that both of you had able to earn for the last ten years?" she asked with slight sarcasm in her voice.

But Yuri didn't say anything. So he'd really decided. She knew Yuri when it comes to decision-making. He would let no one stop him once he decided something, especially as important as this. But then, she couldn't help but to feel sad about Yuri's abrupt and obviously insane decision. She knew for the start that Yuri will definitely suffer for this; not unless his feelings for Wolfram were not as real as it seem to be… not even strong enough to surpass this trial that Conrad might have given just to prove Yuri's strength to fight for his love… to prove Yuri's love for Wolfram.

(poem) The Second Time To Love

I tried to follow what my heart wants

As I listen to its music that chants

But I ended up broken and scattered

And he left me here like I never mattered

So now I am scared and completely fragile

And I promised not to fall in love for a while

For all I can do is cry silently as I hug my knees

While wishing for his return as I beg him please

And then you showed up when I never knew

That I could feel a love that might be true

I felt so much doubt but still you gave me

A love that is more than what I want to see

I tried to stay away from your caressing love

Yet my heart told me it's a past I should have

And now I want to forget a tormenting past

But I couldn't get rid of it for it seems to last

I don't know if I could trust love once more

Yet you're willing to give me a chance to explore

But I'll never let my heart in pain will be eaten

If you could give me the second time to love again

(poem) Inerasable Memories

I can't remember the last time I smiled

As I count all the regrets that were piled

Why did I love someone "stupid" like you?

Why forgetting you made me feel so blue?

I wanted to cry as I feel the pain inside

And even my heart felt numb as love died

But memories of a past kept it on living

Just to make it kind again and loving

My memories that I had by your side

Kept on destroying what I feel inside

And it made me cry even more

As I remember our moments before

And now as I remember the past

Why can't I make it eternally last?

Why can't you just stay here

In order for me not to feel fear?

I want to throw away those memories

Just to get rid of all the pains and worries

But they remained inerasable as time passed

No matter how I do my best to have it surpassed

(poem) Journey To Your Heart

I was hurt so bad that I couldn't stand

And no one around me tried to reach my hand

I was hurt emotionally because he went

As he left my heart here being forcely bent

I couldn't even walk all through the mountain top

And now my heart was on the verge of giving up

Now I know I couldn't find another true love

The very same feeling that he made me once have

But as I keep on walking down this dark road

I saw a light that released all of my heavy load

And as I looked, I saw you standing from afar

Smiling brightly like the shimmering star

Did I feel this the same way like before?

Or I'm guessing it was flowing even more?

But why do I still have worries inside of me

That gives me fear of what this love will turn out to be?

Now I know I found another love so true

But it's not giving to be easy as I make it to you

Still, I will keep on believing that a love will start

As I begin to make a journey to your heart

Happy birthday sa umpisa ng Simbang Gabi

Alam kong inumpisahan ko pa lang ito. Pero gusto ko namang maiba ang mga naka-post dito kahit papaano. And because pulos mga tula ang naisipan kong ilagay ko as part of my daily entries, parang ang boring naman kung ganoon lang palagi. Ang tagal ko na ring hindi nagsusulat ng tula kaya kung ano na lang talaga ang maisipan kong i-post dito para lang magkalaman ito sa ngayon.

And with that, gusto ko namang gamitin ang blog na ito as a greeting corner sa mga taong special sa akin. Naks! May ganoon talaga? Joke lang.

First up sa greeting --- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DES! She's my sister one year and three months younger than me. Pero sa totoo lang, parang mas mature pa siya kumpara sa akin. Ang weird, 'di ba? Hindi ko talaga alam kung ano ba ang dapat kong sabihin sa 'yo. You may or may not read this. At kahit hindi ako malambing katulad mo, sana ma-appreciate mo pa rin ito. Kung minsan kasi, nakakalokang mag-post ng mga ganito sa FB. Ang sappy, para sa akin. Weird ba? Anyway, ano'ng bago? Lagi namang weird ang nag-iisang ate mo. Hehe!

Love you, sis! (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠❤

(poem) Will There Be A Next Time?

You said you love me, and yet you left me out here

And you broke your promise that I held on so dear

Being left all alone in a world of eternal dark

And the pain of losing you that resides inside left a bleeding mark

I'm asking for a second chance to love you

But you never even looked at me because everything's through

So now I cry in one corner of the cold, dark room

As I watch the flower of love that's losing its bloom

I felt that pain killed my heart more than twice

And I couldn't express it in a way that's concise

All I know is that it prevents me from standing again

So that a new heart and life I wouldn't be able to gain

Losing you before made me lose my faith in love

And it made me never to believe in God above

But He gave me another reason to go on with this life

Even if I have to unwillingly suffer this so much strife

I want to know if I could find the same feeling again

Even if I had suffered enough as I bear this pain

I wonder as I hear the grandfather clock tick-tock and chime

When it comes to true love, will there be a next time?

(poem) Gift Of The Present

Once I dreamt about a love from the distant past

The war I saw there made all sufferings seemed to last

But two innocent hearts found their way out

And trie to live their lives with no falsehood and doubt

A promise made their love much stronger than anything

But people around them won't stop tearing it to nothing

And their love ended in a tragedy no one can bear

As they watched their feelings being flown in the air

Then I've found out that I was that person

The person who fell in love once as she held on

And as our souls were transmigrated to this world

The feelings in me doesn't really seems to cold

I found you and your love as I kept on traveling this street

And then you remembered a past along with your heartbeat

A past where our feelings had been destroyed once

But I hope our love now will be given another chance

I'll treasure you much longer than forever, I'm sure

For your gentle love had healed the heart's wound like it's the cure

Finding you again in this world was a gift that God has sent

And the love that you gave me before is now a gift of the present

For The Love Of Yuri 3 - Flame Of A Forbidden Love

Yuri's POV

I walked slowly after I went out of the hospital building. But before I completely left that place, I looked at the building with a sad and hopeless expression etched on my face. The sun began to set that time… and along with its sad color that lit up the world for the last time of the day, I could feel that the hope inside my heart began to disappear with the setting sun.

What Conrad told me a while back made me lose hope that Wolfram would reciprocate my feelings for him. I couldn't even remember how I managed to get up after listening to those words that Conrad had spoken.

(poem) Please Come Back

I was left in the dark alone

Sitting in a dark, cold throne

Crying for love that I want to keep

Even wishing for it to be deep

My heart cried in so much blood

And now, it's hastily making a flood

For it's making my heart suffer so much

And it's one thing that I couldn't watch

Outside, the rain fell so hard

That I couldn't just discard

Because I know it cries with me

For a love that left rapidly

Please return to me and love me again

For I couldn't bear this so much pain

I never want to suffer this long

Listening to our sweet love song

Please come back to me, my love

Because I only want you for me to have

I couldn't simply live in memories

Because my heart will die... so please...

(poem) Part Of A Forgotten Past

Once I dreamed of a love story

A story where you came to me

Begging to remember a love before

That had now become a closed door

I've forgotten them because of an encounter

That made me lose the power to counter

Counter the cards of fate and all the pain

Of losing everything that you made me gain

I want to remember a love so true

That I think I have given to you

I've felt that for once in my life

I never suffered this kind of strife

All of these were just a little part

Of the missing pieces inside my heart

A part of a love that happened once

A love that was never a simple trance

All of these are part of a past

That had been forgotten so fast

But your love had made me remember

A promise that stays in me forever

(poem) In Life And In Death

I've met you with tears falling from your eyes

Crying for years with your heart covered in ice

And I warmed your heart with my fire of love

Even if you don't want it for you to have

We lived in a world full of emotional wars

And they've stretched out just like the stars

Filling each hearts with pains and distress

And some weren't given a chance to confess

I made a pledge that can last for eternity

A pledge that will make our love flows steady

And as we're about to face a deadly war

I hope our faith can stand out really far

In life and in death, we will be together eternally

It's a pledge that will surely live within me

No matter where this life of ours may take us

I know that each hardships, we'll be able to surpass

We have surpassed some of life's greatest tests

And now, we could be able to live normally like the rest

In this life of mine, I'll love you until my last breath

And I will continue loving you even after death

(poem) The Day I Found Forever In You

I constantly wondered about love

Sure, it's everyone wanted to have

But why weren't they even ready

To face the consequences steadily?

When the day I found your love

I felt my heart fly like a dove

For a feeling so precious and real

Like you have a power for a wound to heal

When the day you left me before

I felt my heart each day as it sore

The pain slowly tore it in two

As I cry my eyes out because of you

When the day you returned to me

I thought I was dreaming as I see

But when you touched me so gentle and sweet

I've felt like I've returned to the day we meet

Now I know you won't leave me again

For I never thought you suffered the same pain

And I know I'll always feel a love this true

Since the day I found forever in you

(poem) The Feeling That Passes Time

I saw the past of a love once destroyed

Because the girl's heart seemed to be toyed

And as she cursed it with all she got

Her feelings had then began to rot

But then the boy made her understand

As he slowly touched her cold hand

And as she cried because of her mistake

He then hugged as she shiver and shake

Love is a feeling that anyone can feel

It's what makes everything exist for real

Love is a feeling that will go on and on

It's a feeling that can be worth holding on

Love is one emotion no one can control

No matter how we try it not to roll

It's a feeling that will continue on

Even if you're a different person

Love can't be found easily for sure

But let your destiny makes you assure

Love is a feeling that passes time

So that anyone can feel it anytime

(poem) Founder Of A Lost Heart

I walked and walked through the snow

As my feelings were rolling so slow

It's starting to freeze as i fell

But no one can hear me as I yell

If only I could make it all stop

All the pain that I couldn't drop

Then I won't suffer something this way

As if everything were just a simple play

I wanted my life to somehow stop

But then you suddenly showed up

You wanted me to live fully again

Like the way that I'd lived then

Everything around me went slow

But still you continued your little show

For now you're fixing a heart shattered

Where love fell as the pieces scattered

You're the founder of a lost heart

The one who won't tear it apart

Please just promise me one thing

Make our love continue to sing

For The Love Of Yuri 2 - Now Or Never

Gwendal and Conrad called an ambulance in order to take Wolfram to the hospital. And it only took 10 minutes for them to get there.

On the way, Conrad was still thinking about the poem that the blond had written a while back… and also the message attached to it. Both he and Gwendal never thought that their baby brother would actually fall in love with a young man who became his only friend since the day that they transferred to Yuri's neighborhood.

(poem) One Like You For The Second Time

Sadness was the emotion I didn't want to feel

Because it slowly devours my heart, ready to kill

But still, I've felt it the day you suddenly vanished

And now my heart was beginning to perish

I want to know if I could meet another you

For only you made me feel a love so true

I wonder if he could make me feel it again

Feel a love that will vanish all of the pain

I want to settle my mind to the past that we lost

And I want to take it back no matter the cost

But then I've met a person who made me feel

The same emotion I've felt when meeting you became real

What's with him that vanishes all my pain?

Why do I feel this same feeling once again?

Could he be another person destined to be mine?

Or will he leave me for his life is on the line?

I've felt like I've met you for the second time

But he's still different from you even if he mimes

But I won't make him feel that he's another you

For I can't live in memories that I can't continue

(poem) A Daydream Come True

I remained to be a simple person before I met you

You're charming everyone, and that includes me, too

But you never took a glance of me anyway

So how come you're making me feel this way?

Each and every time that I stay in my little bed

I kept on remembering what a person once said

That in just a second, attraction is what you'll have

A minute to have a crush, and an hour to fall in love

I wonder if that can really come true for real

Because every word seemed to match what I feel

And now I'm thinking of what should I do

As a sweet daydream in my mind ran through

I listen to my heart as it keeps on telling me

That a daydream will not be the same as reality

But I never thought that my daydream can come true

Because now you're saying to me the words "I love you"

I figured out that everything was never a simple dream

Because I've felt a love that flowed like a stream

It came from the person I never thought I'll love

A person that was a gift for me from God above

(poem) The Time You Were Once Mine

Once I found a flower that's beginning to wither

It's the only flower that's different from the other

And then I figured that its life began to scatter

Because its heart was left there as it shatters

That little flower can somehow be compared to me

For the person I once loved left me here so he could flee

He left me here crying and wishing for his return

And even hoping that my life won't take a different turn

I couldn't leave there for me to move on completely

For I couldn't afford to leave our golden memory

A memory that became a proof of us together

And I wouldn't forget it one way or another

A second chance is what I'm asking from you

For me to prove that my love has always been true

But instead, you never came to my side again

And you left me here as I bear all the sorrow and pain

I've felt that I've lost everything when you left me

But I'm still standing here asking Him to answer my plea

I only wish that the Lord would give me the sign

For I want to return to the time you were once mine

(poem) A Part Of My Yesterday

Before I found another person that I could love

I was once a person no one wanted to have

That no one wanted to be my friend

So I've felt that my life had come to an end

I wanted to know if I was meant to live

For I've felt that I have nothing left to believe

But then you came to my life and saved me

And you let me live my life completely

The love I found beside you had helped me through

You made me live my life that was once so blue

But I couldn't tell you the feelings in my heart

For I was afraid that you'll break that love apart

And then you said to me that you'll go away

Because you don't want my life to go astray

But you promised me that you'll return to my side

Just to make me feel assured and never afraid inside

This was the part of my past that I want to live on

A precious yesterday that I'll keep on holding on

Just remember that I'll wait for you here

For me to let you know that I love you, my dear

(poem) All I Can Remember

Inside my head, there's a nearly fading memory

of all the past that once happened to me.

It's fading slowly as years came rolling by,

like a little bird that is eager to fly.

New memories keep on being created and born

while others had disappeared, being blotted and torn.

No matter how much I wanted to recall,

my mind can't go up to where it's started to fall.

I want to picture everything in my mind;

every memories and scenes that I could able to find.

Happiness and sadness, including laughter and cries.

It's always these emotions that no one buys.

But as these memories slowly fade away,

one keeps on standing out as I start my day.

It's your face and smile and the way you treated me.

That's what my mind more often wanted to see.

It's my day with you, that's all I can remember,

starting from January and extending till December.

If the wings of my memories had been blown away,

my memories with you will surely cling on and stay.