when nature is the only thing that calms you down in a nerve-wrecking world filled with both fun and anxiety

People can still do that, right? But even so, nature has this incredible talent of making you realize a lot of things even when you can't talk to them. They can't talk to you, and yet they love to confuse you in more ways than one. I'm 32, and feeling most of the time that life might have already given up on me. And because of that, all I could do was to overthink of where my life could be heading at this rate.

But because of that, I ended up loving to watch the nature, you know. The sky... The sun... Feel the wind... Watch the trees... Even in the city where I live in which nature is something that would sometimes disappear before you know it just to make way for development. They help me realize a lot of things that bothered me. They help me downside my overthinking since I do that a lot. When people can be so annoying and irritating (that happens a lot, as well), nature -- even in the city where I live -- had helped me a lot in more ways than one. In more than one occasion.

I still love to have someone that I can talk to, that I can relate to, that I can do my best with to become the person I aim to be. But for now, nature is the one doing that to me. It doesn't help all the time. At least, I have to admit that. And yet, it's nice to know that I have something I can rely to, even for a while, just so I can make sure that my mind wouldn't feel overwhelmed by all the craziness of my own world...

when i realized that i've never become who i wanted to be... at least, not yet

At the age of 32, to some, this is a huge drawback on someone's self-esteem. Believe it or not, it made me even more insecure about myself than I've ever been. I've long held insecurity towards my sisters who had achieved at least some of the things that I never did. I achieved something what I wanted at the cost of... probably the life that I should be living if I had strived more. Worked harder. Hustle so much. Just like those people I've known before. But I also gave up midway because the pressure overwhelmed me. I cried that this is the path I took and nothing came out of it.

It was frustrating to the point of wanting to pull my hair hard. It was frustrating to the point that I've cursed (almost) my life because of my incompetence. It was frustrating for me to live my life in a routine that I badly wanted to escape from, but couldn't. All I could think of were reasons and more reason why I couldn't. Why I shouldn't do this or that.

But I still want to believe -- to claim -- that it wasn't over for me just yet. That my life is just about to start. I don't know how it will start. Maybe it already started before I realized it. Who knows. All I know is that I wanted to start believing in something that would benefit my mind in some way. It could be small. But all that matters is for me to believe that something is starting to move behind the scenes.

I wasn't able to continue doing the IG writing challenge, but at least I can continue writing these. These are old covers I made back in 2018 (I think) using Snapseed on my old phone. I can't recall having these until I checked my Google Drive to delete some things. I actually decided to save it there. And yes, I might be using them since I did make lots of photo edits for these various pairings.

Hobbies in WIP.

I'll be featuring 2 of my WIPs here.

(1) For "Project Memories", the FL liked to play her flute as a way to clear her mind. But only a few people actually knew about this. As for the ML, he REALLY liked reading -- a lot. This is his way of clearing his mind and also to help him focus when it comes to his divination.

(2) As for Project 23Y, the FL -- at least at the start of the story -- could be seen watching the sunset by the bridge. It was her way of making sure that she was still going down the path that she set to herself after her mother quit being a detective. The ML usually focused on photography during his free time -- mostly in his day off. Then again, he never thought that he would cross path with someone who would soon become a special person in his life because of this hobby of his.

What books have inspired your writing?

For PROJECT MEMORIES, it was actually the Wattpad story-turned-published book "Wizard's Tale". Well, at least part of it. The concept actually came from a writer friend @azelphr and we were supposed to have a collab on a fantasy-romance series that she had thought of, but didn't get to do it. But I just want to continue writing it. And this is actually the first book of it. I'll just tell her about this story once it's done. 😁✌️

As for PROJECT 23Y, there is no book that inspired me to write this. What inspired me were TV series. The Japanese drama "Himitsu no Hanazono", Korean drama "The Girl Who Sees Scents", American drama "Cold Case", and its Japanese remake "Cold Case: Shinjitsu No Tobira (Door of Truth)". But maybe I can find books that could give me inspiration and clues on how to write a crime mystery story.

(one-shot) To Be With You

 

There were still a lot of things to do. Iyon ang nasa utak ni Lynne ng mga sandaling iyon habang nakatingin sa makulimlim na kalangitan. Pero sigurado siya sa isang bagay. Walang kinalaman sa mundong kinalalagyan niya ang kanyang isipan.

Then again, it wasn’t like she had anyone else to blame for that. It was her choice to think of that place. She made a choice to think of him, of all people. It was a crazy choice for others. Pero sa sarili niya, alam niyang tama lang ang ginawa niya.

Hindi niya gustong kalimutan ito. She wanted to remember him a lot. Miss him a lot. And perhaps… love him even more than she had ever loved anyone in her life. She made that choice, kahit na hindi siya sigurado sa totoong kahihinatnan n’on.