journal entry #94

A sleepy way to start the week. I mean, seriously! I slept at 3 AM because of my task last night.  And I had a feeling that I've been quite grumpy the whole day. At least the walk from home to town helped me a bit. I had to pay for the internet bill, that's why. As usual, I walked going to the building where it was located. Nothing new, right? I mean, those walks really helped me in more ways than one since high school. They still helped keeping me sane from all the thoughts running in my head (including that of actually thinking to commit s**cide) and those thoughts would just vanish at the end of those walks. I guess I have to blame the sweat, heat, wind, and other things for those thoughts to disappear — even temporarily.

Speaking of temporary thoughts, I'm still contemplating on the fact that I don't know if I should write those future boyfriend/husband letters on the notebook I bought a few days ago or buy several sets of stationeries. Am I crazy for actually thinking of writing something like that? I'm probably starting to become desperate — or even hopeless, for that matter. But my age would soon disappear from the calendar and I guess I couldn't help it.

Oh, yeah. For the first time, I got to watch an IG live of Kishida Tatsuya. But if you asked me, I think this is the first time he actually had an IG live. If you asked me, it made me smile on my sleepy day. It's kind of refreshing, to be honest.

So that's how my day went, I guess. For now, I'll end this entry here 'coz it's time for me to sleep. Good night. 😊❤️

おやすみなさい。。。