Saturday Night Thoughts # 1

Oo na. Hindi Sunday, kundi Saturday. Wala lang, feel ko lang naman. Gumagana na naman ang utak ko sa pag-iisip ng kung anu-ano. And since I couldn’t  push through (at least not yet) with the video journal thingy I’m planning, I think it’s better for me to write it for now. And it’s for the best if I do it at night since my mind fuctions better during night time. Hindi nga lang ako `yong tipo ng tao na nagpupuyat. Hindi kaya ng brain ko. Ang bilis mapagod.

Wait… Isip ko ba o katawan ko ang may problema? Ah, ewan! Saka ko na pagdedebatehan ang tungkol doon. Basta ang alam ko, parang nawawalan ako ng ganang gawin ang mga bagay na dapat ay priority ko. Tinatamad na nga ba talaga ako? nawawalan ako ng drive na i-focus ang sarili ko sa mga dapat kong gawin, eh. Naturingan pa akong panganay niyan, ah. I should be the one doing the word and not my younger sister. But no! I’m the one who couldn’t find myself doing any work at all. Wala akong ibang gustong gawin kundi ang magsulat. Mabuti sana kung puwede kong gawing full time ang pagsusulat, eh. But even when I’m doing the one thing I loved to do, it seems like I’m losing the initiative.

It’s downright frustrating, to be honest.

Idagdag pa na, heto, pinapaalis na kami dito sa nirerentahan naming bahay dahil laging delayed ang bayad. I’m not sure who to blame. Or I should include myself to the list of people to blame for that. But I don’t want to do that. As much as possible, I’m trying not to. I’ve been thinking of too much negativity lately and I don’t want that to influence my trail of thoughts right now.

I guess I’ll try my best in the next coming days. Whatever happens, I’ll be positive… hopefully…

What's Happening To Me Now...

Honestly… I have no idea. I can’t say it all came so fast. It didn’t even come slow in a way that you’d actually anticipate its coming. I don’t know how it all came. One thing I know… it’s frustrating. It’s irritating, but not close to infuriating.

English ang entrada, ha? Sorry po. Pilit ko na lang munang pinapagana nang maayos ang utak ko bago ako masiraan ng bait. Hopefully naman, huwag muna. Marami pa po akong gustong gawin bago ako mabaliw nang tuluyan.

Just hold on. I’ll get through this. It’s what I want to say to myself—all the time. Kahit mahirap, kailangan kong gawin. Anyway, I can feel as if my mind is still in the zone. And what I mean by ‘the zone’, it’s still stuck in its own little world. Like, seriously speaking. I can’t even find a way to get out of it—especially now.

I’ve been doing a lot of daydreams lately. Of what I really want to do in my life. Of a lot of “what if’s”. But even with that, my daydreams seems to unable to jive with REALITY. It’s getting hard. Especially with what’s happening in my family now. Troubles and challenges brew around the corner. I’m having  a hard time thinking on how to actually escape it. Yes, escape—instead of dealing with it. I don’t really know how to deal with problems these past years. Or at least that’s what I’ve noticed.

For now, I don’t want to think of negativities, of troubles, of bad vibes. There’s still good news. There’s still good vibes. I just had to let them in so I can feel it, at the very least.

Okay, since I mentioned about me daydreaming (which happens for at least… half of the day? Haha!), I’ve been thinking of actually recording a video—of myself talking about… something? Hindi ko pa alam kung ano ang gagawin ko kapag naisipan ko nga talagang gumawa ng video. Ewan ko ba. Ang hirap na hanggang sa isip mo lang nagagawa `yong mga bagay na gustung-gusto mong gawin. Recording a video of myself? I think it’s a part of me that once wished to be an actress. Like what I said before in my post about my thoughts right after my birthday, being a singer and an actress was a childhood dream of mine. But having that dream fulfilled at my age now? I can’t tell. But if I don’t do something—even just a small step, I guess it won’t happen at all.

In connection to this thinking about recording a video of myself, I’ve had plans about it. I call most of the collective segments I’ve been thinking of posting as “About” segment. Topics that I’m thinking of discussing with this segment are:

• That Song – This is actually a subsegment that discusses my favorite songs on my playlist. And maybe I could talk about other songs that comes in my mind. At siguro, baka maisipan ko ring kumanta. Sana lang, hindi umulan kapag ginawa ko iyon.
• That Show’s Episode – Now this subsegment will talk about some of the shows/series I’ve watched (TV shows, drama, and web series). Though, I’ll only talk about just a few of it since I don’t usually watch TV shows lately for various reasons. Kaya kadalasan, sa internet na lang ako nanonood.
• AlDub/KalyeSerye – Of course, the most popular love team today. Puwede ba namang mawala ito sa mga subsegment na gusto kong i-discuss? As for this subsegment, I think I would be discussing more about my thoughts on certain episodes. So don’t be surprised if I decided to post some reaction videos. And then there are videos about the characters and my thoughts about them.
• My Writings – Since it’s been a long time dream for me to be a writer (whether published or not), I also like to share my insights about the stories I’ve written and currently writing. Some of the discussions will focus on the trivia of the stories—on how it was created and various inspirations for me to write those stories. Marami-rami rin iyon. As in!
• What I’m Thinking – In this sub-segment, I’ll be talking about… my thoughts. It’s like a video blog/video journal. Puwede ko rin itong i-consider na open video letter dahil na rin sa subjects na posible kong sabihin dito. Some of the topics here are Dear Future Husband, Dear Future Boyfriend, For That Someone, at may iba pa. Kung anu-ano ang mga iyan, saka ko na lang po sasabihin. Okay?

Another of my daydreaming would be me as an accomplished writer. Romance writer, to be exact. Well, this is a long time dream that I’ve trying my best to fulfill one step at a time. For about 6 (or 7) years, I’ve tried passing manuscripts after manuscripts to various publishing companies. But each time, I got an R (returned/rejected). Of course, depressing sa akin iyon, `no? Dumating din ako sa point na feeling ko, hindi talaga ito para sa akin. Na hindi ito ang calling ko. But my mind (and my hand since it’s the one doing the writing) didn’t let me stop. And so I wrote… and I wrote… and I continue writing. And now, even though it’s slow, it’s coming one by one. I’m happy, of course! Sobrang happy. Pero hindi ko pa rin alam kung bakit parang poke-faced pa rin ako sa lahat ng ito. Hahahaha!

Okay…

I guess a lot has been happening—at least in my mind. It’s better that I let those thoughts concealed in my mind for now. As for that video recording thing, kailangan ko na talagang magawa ito. If I really want to break out from my comfort zone and stop my insecurities (I don’t know if it will help, though), I can do this.

I’ll be able to.

Because I want to.

#ALDUBMostAwaitedDate: AlDub’s First Date (Thoughts On AlDub/Kalyeserye Episode 57)

Ano ba `yan? Parang isa na naman ako sa mga tiyak na hindi makaka-move on  sa recent episode ng KalyeSerye, ah. Paano ba naman kasi? First date ng AlDub iyon, eh. At gaya nga ng nakasaad sa HT (hashtag) for the day (#ALDUBMostAwaitedDate), it was indeed a most awaited moment. At panigurado, record-breaking na naman ito sa Twitter. Natatawa nga ako sa mgapost na nakikita ko tungkol sa pagrereklamo raw ni Blue Bird. Wala yatang araw na hindi napapahinga iyon dahil beast mode every day ang AlDub Nation.

Well, in my opinion, hindi lang ang AlDub fans ang beast mode. Pati na rin ang mga bashers at haters ng AlDub. But then, it’s better to just let them be. Gaya nga ng sabi ni Lola Nidora, ipagdasal na lang sila dahil sarili lang nila ang sinisira nila. Mabuti na lang pala at magaling ako sa dedmahan. Haha! One thing I know, I’m glad that KalyeSerye exists right now. Lalo na talaga ngayong parang nawawalan na ng silbi ang lahat ng parangal ng mga nakatatanda dahil sa tingin ng lahat (ng mga kabataan) ay alam na nila ang lahat. It shouldn’t be that way. It should never be that way. The elders are those who have made experiences their greatest teachers, that’s why they’ve survived this long in order to convey the message of those “teachers” to the current and next generation.

I’m glad Alden and Maine was given a chance to see each other again in this episode. At talagang nakapag-usap pa sila, ah. Ano kaya `yong mga pinag-usapan nila kahit sandali lang iyon? Na-curious tuloy ako. Mukhang abangers na naman ako sa laglagan wars nina Alden at Sam sa Monday, ah. Nai-imagine ko na kung paano kokornerin ni Sam si Alden ng mga tanong niya. Haha!

Honestly, ang akala ko noong una, quick change pa more ang gagawin ni Wally nang hindi siya sumama kina Paolo at Jose sa Sugod Bahay. I’m glad that wasn’t the case. Pero as usual, may gimik pa rin si Lola Nidora para kina Alden at Maine. Pahirapan lang talaga ang peg para lang marating ang dating place. Oh, well. Matching games pa more ang naganap and each matching answers equals one step towards the goal—which is the dating place and the moment everyone was waiting for. Nagawa naman nilang masagot na magkapareho ang mga tanong. Hanep din ang mga choices na ibinibigay ng tatlong lola. `Kakaloka! Nagawa nilang magkaroon ng pitong matching answers, gaya ng requirement ni Lola Nidora sa dalawang iyon. At napansin ko na kahit sasandali lang ang date nila, I can tell that it was worth it. Panira lang naman ng moment `yong alarm clock, eh. Ang ganda na ng moment, eh. kahit guwardiyado. `Yan tuloy, napaalis kaagad si Maine. Nang-iwan ng date para kay Lola. Nalungkot lang at nanghinayang talaga si Alden. But a child’s responsibility to her guardian stood above all else at iyon ang priority niya kahit obvious naman na hindi pa niya gustong umalis sa date nila ni Alden.

And then ano `yong narinig namin at the end of the episode na tinapakan `yong preno ng kotse at parang may bumangga pa yata sa kotse? Bakit sa tuwing end of the episode sa Sabado, may iniiwang matinding cliffhanger? As in! But then, it only proves na worth abangan ang susunod na episode ng KalyeSerye sa Lunes.

I’ll definitely wait for it!

This Is Seriously Not Helping Me...

I’ve been planning a lot of things lately. I don’t know why but I always end up planning something na hindi ko naman alam kung magagawa ko kaagad. O kung magagawa ko nga talaga. It’s getting me all frustrated and confused. Forget about all my writing plans for now. Matagal na ang mga iyon. But I don’t have any urges of surrendering them or giving it all up. Ganyan ko lang naman kamahal ang pagsusulat. I know it’s my calling. For a long time, I know it’s like that. But I can’t rely solely on my calling.

Just like what I keep on saying, I’m still lacking the initiative. Fear always gets the best of me, now consuming me slowly. And that seriously sucks. I couldn’t even move out and do something. Aba’y hindi na ako magugulat kung isang araw na maging ermitanyo na ako sa sarili kong pamamahay, ah. Hindi imposible iyon.

But until I find a way to get out of my barrier, I guess all I can do is to sigh–heavily done, if I say so myself.

*And I just did it again…*

Top 10 Writing Habits

Originally posted in my FB account last October 22, 2014

Just like the first list na inilagay ko rito, wala ring nag-tag sa akin. Seriously, feel ko lang itong i-post dito.

Matagal ko nang habits ang mga ito simula pa lang nang mag-umpisa akong magsulat. Kahit tula pa lang ang sinusulat ko, mostly sa mga ito ay ginagawa ko na. Recently lang naman may nadagdag, eh.

1 – Matagal akong magsulat, to be honest. Sa tuwing nagsusulat ako ng manuscript na gusto kong ipasa sa publishing house, iaabot pa ako ng humigit-kumulang isang buwan bago ko matapos iyon.

2 – Sa kuwarto ako nagsusulat, doon sa kama. At dapat nakasandal pa sa pader ang likod ko o di kaya ay sa headboard, although wala namang headboard ang hinihigaan ko. Hehe!

3 – I always start writing teasers pagkatapos kong maisip ang title na gusto ko para sa certain plot na naglalaro sa utak ko. Doon ko kasi nabi-visualize ang mga scenes at events, eh.

4 – I write on paper first before encoding them. Ewan ko ba kung bakit ganoon. Feeling ko, hindi ako kuntento kapag diretso kong ita-type kaagad ang mga scenes na nasa isip ko. Kahit pagkahaba-haba pa ng chapters, okay lang basta sa papel ko maisulat.

5 – Laging may theme song ang mga pinagsususulat kong kuwento. Hindi puwedeng walang music at hindi ako makakapag-concentrate nang maayos sa sinusulat ko.

6 – Tuwing gabi lang talaga ako nakakapagsulat nang tuloy-tuloy. Mga two to three hours lang siguro. Walang labis, walang kulang. Pero gustuhin ko mang magpuyat para sa sinusulat ko, hindi puwede kasi kailangan ko pang magising ng maaga. Duty calls.

7 – I had the habit of looking at the sky kapag hindi ko na maisip ang susunod na scene na isusulat ko. Kahit ano pa’ng itsura ng sky on that certain day, okay lang. Basta matitigan ko lang iyon. After doing that for a few moments, okay na ulit.

8 – May ugali akong naivo-voice out ko nang medyo mahina lang naman ang mga dialogues ng characters ko, lalo na ang sa heroine ng kuwentong sinusulat ko. Mas malala naman kapag may eksena na mag-aasaran o di kaya ay mag-aaway ang dalawang bida. Para nga akong tangang kinakausap ko ang sarili ko. Doon ko lang siguro nararamdaman at naipapaliwanag nang husto ang mga words na kailangan ko para ma-describe ko ang emotions at actions ng mga bida sa kuwento.

9 – Once in a while lang ako mangailangan ng visual peg sa mga characters ko. Pero kapag talagang kailangan ko, saka lang ako maghahanap. Madalas kong gamiting visual pegs ay Asian artists, particularly Japanese, Taiwanese, and Chinese ones.

10 – Hindi na yata effective ang kape sa akin kahit magkape ako sa gabi. Ang pampagising ko na lang, chocolate or anything sweet. But preferably talaga, chocolate. Especially Cloud 9 o ‘di kaya ay Choco Mucho. Choco addict lang. Hehe!

5 Facts About My Crush

Originally posted in my FB account last November 1, 2014

As tagged by Booklatpahina WP, Mini Apricsite WP and Princessindistress WP

1. Hindi ko pa rin siya makalimutan hanggang ngayon kahit mag-e-8 years na kaming hindi nagkikita.
2. Crush ko pa rin siya hanggang ngayon kahit may girlfriend na ang bugok at tiyak na hindi na ako maalala. Haha!
3. Siya ang inspirasyon ko sa pagsulat ng kuwentong “I’ll Hold On To You”
4. Mahilig siyang mang-asar sa akin. Hanggang ngayon, kapag naaalala ko pa rin ang pang-asar niya sa akin, nabubuwisit ako. Pero napapangiti pa rin naman ako n’on kahit papaano.
5. Dahil sa kanya, naging favorite ko ang kantang Because of You ni Keith Martin. Hindi ko nga lang mapigilang mag-imagine noon na para sa akin ang kantang iyon. Haha! Naging ilusyunada pa ako ngayon.

"The Slambook Questions" Tagged To Me

Originally posted in my FB account last August 27, 2015.

As tagged by Yasha Red Weasley

Name: Florence Joyce
Nickname: Joyce (sa mga kakilala ko), Pollen, Flor
Birthday: August 30
Age: 23
Year sign: Goat/Sheep
Zodiac sign: Virgo
Books: The 39 Clues Series, The Kane Chronicles Trilogy, Nancy Drew Mystery Files
Local author: Martha Cecilia, Sonia Francesca, Sofia, Arielle, Rose Tan, Heart Yngrid, Maricar Dizon, Camilla, Laurice Del Rio
International author: Nicholas Sparks, Rick Riordan
Movies: So Close, Up, Roger and Hammerstein’s Cinderella (1997), Ella Enchanted, Princess Diaries, Popstar, Kimi ni Todoke Live Action, I Give My First Love To You, Innocent Snow, The Twin Effect
Singer/Band: Westlife, BSB, A1, NSync, Jason Chen, Taylor Swift, M2M, Brian McKnight, Joe, Side A, Freestyle, Six Part Invention, Gary Valenciano, Martin Nievera, Sarah Geronimo, Christian Bautista, Jose Mari Chan
Music: Classic, Ballads, RNB
Food: Pansit bihon, spaghetti, carbonara, fried chicken, chicken macaroni
Drinks: Coffee, milo
Color: any shades of blue
Number: 12
Motto: A dream isn’t something that you just make come true. After all, a dream is about who you want to become. So you should work hard on your own merits.
First crush: Joshua Posadas (Grade 5 crush)
What is love? Something you don’t have to rush in order to have (ano raw?)
First love: Allen Anthony Cueto (2nd year high school)
Do you believe in destiny? Almost all the time.
Happiest moment: Nang magkaroon ako ng approved manuscript for the first time (October 22, 2014)
Most stupid ever thing done: Slacking off during my high school days. Nagloko ako sa pag-aaral ko when I was in first year.
Wildest imagination: Maging part ng Philippine entertainment industry. At magkaroon ng love story sa totoong buhay na nakakakilig katulad ng kina Alden at Yaya Dub (Maine). Wild talaga at alam kong malabong mangyari.
Dedication: High school pa ako nang huling beses akong mag-fill up ng slambook na ganito. Nakaka-miss din pala. Although hindi pa naman ako part ng PHR writers (hopefully mangyari pa rin kahit parang matatagalan pa bago mangyari), thank you pa rin sa nag-tag sa akin. Well, iisa lang naman ang nag-tag sa akin nito. Hehe!

‪#‎PHRinthenow‬
‪#‎TheSlambookSeries‬

(Suportahan Po Natin)
‪#‎HeidiStarr‬
‪#‎LadyJ‬
‪#‎FionaQueen‬

A Birthday Girl's Thoughts

NOTE: This was supposed to be posted last August 30, but I’ve only typed it just yesterday. Sorry for that. Isinulat ko kasi ito sa papel muna bago ko in-encode. Seriously, even in writing down my thoughts, nakukuha ko pa rin ang habit ko na sa papel muna isusulat lahat bago i-type.

It’s August 30, 2015.

Time surely flies so fast. Ang dami ko nang hindi namamalayan sa paglipas ng panahon. That means may mahigit dalawang taon na rin pala akong graduate. But honestly speaking, I still feel that I haven’t achieved anything aside from that. Nairaos ko ang pag-aaral ko kahit na hindi talaga iyon ang kursong gusto kong kunin.

Pero hanggang doon na lang iyon. Disappointing, I know. Nagkatrabaho nga ako, pero hindi rin ako nagtagal sa dalawang trabahong iyon. Ewan ko ba. Siguro nga, tama `yong sinabi sa akin ng huling boss ko. Wala akong initiative. I guess I’ve stayed too much and too long in my comfort zone. Hindi ko naman masasabing pampered kid ako. O siguro hindi ko pa nagagawang sirain ang barrier na nakapalibot sa akin hanggang ngayon. Maybe that’s one reason why I still can’t find myself dealing with the real world seriously. Lagi yata akong lutang kaya ganoon ang kinalalabasan.

Kahit siguro ganoon, isang bagay lang ang sigurado ko. Now that I’ve turned 24 today, sigurado ako sa isa sa mga pangarap ko. And it still has something to do with writing. Have my stories published, and possibly have a chance to study scriptwriting if given a chance. Oo na, medyo may kataasan pa yata ang pangangarap ko roon sa huling sinulat ko. But recently, I’ve been daydreaming of working in a television and film industry as a screenwriter. Ewan ko ba. Ayaw akong tantanan ng daydream na iyon. Besides, gusto ko ring maging isang published writer, be it in a romance novel writing or whatever genre I could possibly think of writing about. Right now, fantasy-adventure and action-adventure ang sinusubukan ko.

Malaking bahagi ng pangarap ko, may kinalaman sa pagsusulat. But until now, hindi ko pa rin nagagawang patunayan ang sarili ko. Yes, nagkaroon na ako ng dalawang approved manuscripts na hindi ko pa rin alam hanggang ngayon kung kailan ire-release. Sa magkaibang publishing companies nga lang. The first one was in Bookware Publishing and the other was inPSICOM(sa Kilig Republic category). But after that, hindi ko pa nagagawang dagdagan iyon. Though I’m still doing my best even if it really felt as if it wasn’t enough. Ang hirap. Nakaka-frustrate, to be honest. Pero kahit ganoon, ayokong panghinaan ng loob. Initiative, matinding effort at determination lang talaga ang dapat kong pairalin.

And as I write this, bigla ko pa lang na-realized na hindi pa pala ako formally nagpapakilala in any of the blogging sites I created. Masyado ko yatang itinago ang sarili ko sa madla. Kunsabagay, Team Bahay naman talaga ako. Hindi ako mahilig lumabas sa kung saan-saan. Noong nag-aaral pa ako, bahay-school at school-bahay lang ang routine ko. Noong nagtatrabaho naman, bahay-trabaho at trabaho-bahay naman ang naging routine ko. Ang boring, `no? Sa social networking sites naman na meron ako (which is Facebook at Twitter), napakatahimik ko, just as how I really am in real life. May times pa nga na napagkakamalan akong mataray, pero hindi naman. Of course, it still depends on the manner of approaching me.

With that, let’s get on with it. Hehe!

My full name (in real life `yan, ha?) is Florence Joyce Aragones Dongael. Born August 30, 1991 at panganay sa apat na magkakapatid na puro babae. Yes, I don’t have a brother. Well, I would have but then, nakunan naman ng dalawang beses ang Mama ko and we were expecting at the time na baby brother namin iyon. Born and raised in Baguio City, the Summer Capital of the Philippines. Pero ako naman ang naturingang taga-Baguio na hindi pa gaanong pamilyar sa mga lugar dito. Ang mga napuntahan ko nga lang na mga popular spots dito ay:

• PMA (Dito kami nakatira dati; baby pa nga lang ako noon)
• Botanical Garden (A few times lang; usually kapag may short movie filming kami)
• Lourdes Grotto (A few times din lang kahit sabihin pang malapit lang—as in walking distance—ito sa area kung saan kami kasalukuyang nakatira)
• Diplomat Hotel (Once lang; Signal # 3 pa pero wala namang ulan at malakas lang ang hangin; 4th year college ako noon)
• Mines View (Once lang, for real; bata pa ako noon)
• Camp John Hay (Madalang nga lang)
• Pink Sisters’ Chapel (Malapit sa 50s Diner na isa sa mga favorite na kainan namin. But I never even thought na may weird legend pala rito. Well, the legend was meant for couples, anyway. `Buti na lang pala, wala pa rin akong jowa. Haha! Walang konek.)
• Teachers’ Camp (Once lang, during Luzonwide Press Conference when I was in 2nd year college)

See what I mean? Hindi talaga ako gala, kaya ang mga lugar lang na ito ang napuntahan ko. Hindi ko pa inilagay `yong mga madalas ko talagang mapuntahan, gaya ng Baguio Cathedral,Session Road, Burnham Park, etc. Kaya may mga lugar pa rin dito sa Baguio na gusto kong puntahan. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung kailan ko mapupuntahan.

Back to the topic.

Sa isang technical school ako nag-aral at nagtapos ng college. Though that school—the Baguio College of Technology—offers ladderized program in computer, electronics, and electrical courses, I still chose to finish it up to four years. Yes, may two-year course po ang Information Technology doon. Though originally, the course I wanted to take up was Mass Communicationeither sa University of Baguio o sa University of the Cordilleras sana. Pero dahil hindi kakayanin ng budget, IT na lang ang kinuha ko. Kahit papaano, hindi ko naman pinagsisisihan iyon. I still did my best para naman hindi masayang ang lahat.

Hmm…

As for personality, masyado akong tahimik na tao. At least on first impression. Pero kapag naka-close ko na ang isang tao, naku po! Expect na ang kaingayan ko. Haha! Hindi nga lang ako kalog. Wala nga yata akong ka-humor-humor sa katawan, eh. Although kapag feel kong mang-asar at mambasag (o mamilosopo), go lang ako nang go. Madalas kong gawin iyon sa mama ko. And that identifies me as a Mama’s girl kasi close kami. Parang barkada lang kasi ang turingan namin. Pati rin ang iba ko pang mga kapatid. Sa aming lima (me, my 3 sisters, and my mother), ako lang yata ang hindi mahilig mag-selfie. Ewan ko kung bakit. It’s either I’m not camera-friendly o ayaw lang talaga ng camera sa akin. Kaya naman bihira lang akong mag-post ng mga pictures ko.

As for dreams, I have a lot of them. Nabanggit ko na `yong una na may kinalaman sa writing. I want to establish a writing career for myself. Besides that, I have this weird dream to be a singer. Pero hindi naman singer-quality ang boses ko. It was actually a childhood dream of mine. Another of my childhood dream was to be an actress. Pero dahil kulang na kulang ako sa self-confidence at tibay ng loob, wala na. And I think it’s already too late to fulfill that kahit gustuhin ko. I’m 24, remember? Kaya heto na lang ang ginagawa ko—daydreaming. But I’ll definitely push that writing career, though.

Relationship? Nah! Certified NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) po ako. Marami nga lang akong crushes, be it ordinary people or celebrity crushes. Hindi ko na nga lang babanggitin ang mga celebrity crushes. But I think I could still recall those “ordinary people” who had been my crush that are memorable to me since elementary days. Haha! `Yong iba nga lang, hindi alam ng Mama ko.

• Joel (Grade 3 classmate/crush; though hindi ko na matandaan ang last name niya)
• Froilan (Grade 4 classmate/crush; hindi ko na rin matandaan ang apelyido)
• Erland Jerique or Jerique Erland (Grade 5 classmate/crush, though I forgot the order of his given name and I also forgot his last name)
• Joshua Posadas (another Grade 5 classmate/crush at naglalaro dati ng sepak takraw sa school)
• Ivan Timothy Baluyot (Grade 6 classmate/crush; probably the cutest of all my elementary crushes at kakompetensiya ko pa sa class ranking academically; one of my inspirations noong Grade 6 ako)
• Alexander (1st year high school classmate/crush pero hindi ko na masyadong ma-recall ang mukha niya at hindi ko an rin maalala ang apelyido. Natigil kasi ako sa pag-aaral mid-October dahil nagloko lang naman ako during that time)
• Van Oliver Dicang (1st year high school classmate/crush. He’s my crush during my second time in 1st year high school. Active sa student council at one of the classroom officers. But one thing that everyone doesn’t know, he was the first and last na binigyan ko ng love/confession letter and outrightly rejected me by tearing the letter to pieces. After that, I got scared of doing the same thing again.)
• Allen Anthony Cueto (2nd year high school classmate/crush and perhaps the cutes of all my crushes in elementary and high school days combined. In fact, naging ka-close ko pa nga ang kumag na `to, eh. Though until now, I’m still debating with myself kung ano ba talaga ang naramdaman ko para sa lalaking `to, if it was just a puppy love, plain crush, or close to something deeper. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin alam.)
• Jayson Ayan (First 3rd year high school classmate/crush. Bakit first 3rdyear? I stopped mid-October—again. But health reasons naman ang ginamit kong grounds kung bakit ako natigil ulit sa pag-aaral. Siguro sa sobrang pressure at stress—and slight case of bullying na hindi kinaya ng isip ko. Naging close naman kami ng lalaking ito pero sandali lang.)
• Gerald Opigal (Second 3rd year high school classmate/crush. Pero sa totoo lang, hindi ko naging ka-close ang lalaking ito, ever)
• Suren Quitor (4th year high school classmate/crush. Pero sandali ko lang naging crush ang lalaking ito. I think it was during the time na nagpi-filming kami ng group namin para sa movie project namin sa MAPEH)

As for college crushes, wala na. Dedma na ako sa paligid ko during my college days. Haha! Kaya huwag nang magtaka sa pagiging NBSB ko. Isa pa, masyadong focused sa pag-aaral ang utak ko. And I guess wala talagang magkamali. I mean, duh! Who would actually decide to approach and befriend a Plain Jane like me? Yes, ganyan po talaga ang overall description ko sa sarili ko. In fact, sa hindi ko masyadong pag-aayos sa sarili ko dahil hindi naman ako ganoon ka-conscious sa itsura ko, napagkakamalan pa rin akong high schooler hanggang ngayon. `Kainis lang.

Kahit na medyo may pagka-boring ang tinutungo ng buhay ko, okay lang sa akin. Kahit na NBSB, walang problema sa akin. I’m not rushing, anyway kahit na umabot na ako sa ganitong edad na wala pa ring boyfriend. Iyon ay kahit gusto na akong ibugaw ng Mama ko’t mga kapatid ko. Natatakot yatang maging old maid ako kahit nasa lahi talaga ng mga Aragones (side ng Mama ko) ang pagkakaroon ng mga old maid. But still, hindi naman ako natatakot. I don’t know why, pero ganoon ang pakiramdam ko, eh. Confident much? Hindi naman siguro. Although I have this weird deadline to myself na sana, before I turned 28, magkaroon na ako ng asawa. Haha! So that means, may four years pa ako para maghanap ng prospect husband. What the heck? Bakit ang ikli?

Seriously speaking, this birthday girl’s thoughts suddenly turned into a birthday girl’s introduction of herself to the world. Haha! `Ayan tuloy, napahaba pa ang entry ko. Usually, kapag entry about personal thoughts, hindi naman kahabaan ang sinusulat ko. but then I guess I made an exception today since it’s my birthday.

And so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, Florence Joyce!