A Birthday Girl's Thoughts

NOTE: This was supposed to be posted last August 30, but I’ve only typed it just yesterday. Sorry for that. Isinulat ko kasi ito sa papel muna bago ko in-encode. Seriously, even in writing down my thoughts, nakukuha ko pa rin ang habit ko na sa papel muna isusulat lahat bago i-type.

It’s August 30, 2015.

Time surely flies so fast. Ang dami ko nang hindi namamalayan sa paglipas ng panahon. That means may mahigit dalawang taon na rin pala akong graduate. But honestly speaking, I still feel that I haven’t achieved anything aside from that. Nairaos ko ang pag-aaral ko kahit na hindi talaga iyon ang kursong gusto kong kunin.

Pero hanggang doon na lang iyon. Disappointing, I know. Nagkatrabaho nga ako, pero hindi rin ako nagtagal sa dalawang trabahong iyon. Ewan ko ba. Siguro nga, tama `yong sinabi sa akin ng huling boss ko. Wala akong initiative. I guess I’ve stayed too much and too long in my comfort zone. Hindi ko naman masasabing pampered kid ako. O siguro hindi ko pa nagagawang sirain ang barrier na nakapalibot sa akin hanggang ngayon. Maybe that’s one reason why I still can’t find myself dealing with the real world seriously. Lagi yata akong lutang kaya ganoon ang kinalalabasan.

Kahit siguro ganoon, isang bagay lang ang sigurado ko. Now that I’ve turned 24 today, sigurado ako sa isa sa mga pangarap ko. And it still has something to do with writing. Have my stories published, and possibly have a chance to study scriptwriting if given a chance. Oo na, medyo may kataasan pa yata ang pangangarap ko roon sa huling sinulat ko. But recently, I’ve been daydreaming of working in a television and film industry as a screenwriter. Ewan ko ba. Ayaw akong tantanan ng daydream na iyon. Besides, gusto ko ring maging isang published writer, be it in a romance novel writing or whatever genre I could possibly think of writing about. Right now, fantasy-adventure and action-adventure ang sinusubukan ko.

Malaking bahagi ng pangarap ko, may kinalaman sa pagsusulat. But until now, hindi ko pa rin nagagawang patunayan ang sarili ko. Yes, nagkaroon na ako ng dalawang approved manuscripts na hindi ko pa rin alam hanggang ngayon kung kailan ire-release. Sa magkaibang publishing companies nga lang. The first one was in Bookware Publishing and the other was inPSICOM(sa Kilig Republic category). But after that, hindi ko pa nagagawang dagdagan iyon. Though I’m still doing my best even if it really felt as if it wasn’t enough. Ang hirap. Nakaka-frustrate, to be honest. Pero kahit ganoon, ayokong panghinaan ng loob. Initiative, matinding effort at determination lang talaga ang dapat kong pairalin.

And as I write this, bigla ko pa lang na-realized na hindi pa pala ako formally nagpapakilala in any of the blogging sites I created. Masyado ko yatang itinago ang sarili ko sa madla. Kunsabagay, Team Bahay naman talaga ako. Hindi ako mahilig lumabas sa kung saan-saan. Noong nag-aaral pa ako, bahay-school at school-bahay lang ang routine ko. Noong nagtatrabaho naman, bahay-trabaho at trabaho-bahay naman ang naging routine ko. Ang boring, `no? Sa social networking sites naman na meron ako (which is Facebook at Twitter), napakatahimik ko, just as how I really am in real life. May times pa nga na napagkakamalan akong mataray, pero hindi naman. Of course, it still depends on the manner of approaching me.

With that, let’s get on with it. Hehe!

My full name (in real life `yan, ha?) is Florence Joyce Aragones Dongael. Born August 30, 1991 at panganay sa apat na magkakapatid na puro babae. Yes, I don’t have a brother. Well, I would have but then, nakunan naman ng dalawang beses ang Mama ko and we were expecting at the time na baby brother namin iyon. Born and raised in Baguio City, the Summer Capital of the Philippines. Pero ako naman ang naturingang taga-Baguio na hindi pa gaanong pamilyar sa mga lugar dito. Ang mga napuntahan ko nga lang na mga popular spots dito ay:

• PMA (Dito kami nakatira dati; baby pa nga lang ako noon)
• Botanical Garden (A few times lang; usually kapag may short movie filming kami)
• Lourdes Grotto (A few times din lang kahit sabihin pang malapit lang—as in walking distance—ito sa area kung saan kami kasalukuyang nakatira)
• Diplomat Hotel (Once lang; Signal # 3 pa pero wala namang ulan at malakas lang ang hangin; 4th year college ako noon)
• Mines View (Once lang, for real; bata pa ako noon)
• Camp John Hay (Madalang nga lang)
• Pink Sisters’ Chapel (Malapit sa 50s Diner na isa sa mga favorite na kainan namin. But I never even thought na may weird legend pala rito. Well, the legend was meant for couples, anyway. `Buti na lang pala, wala pa rin akong jowa. Haha! Walang konek.)
• Teachers’ Camp (Once lang, during Luzonwide Press Conference when I was in 2nd year college)

See what I mean? Hindi talaga ako gala, kaya ang mga lugar lang na ito ang napuntahan ko. Hindi ko pa inilagay `yong mga madalas ko talagang mapuntahan, gaya ng Baguio Cathedral,Session Road, Burnham Park, etc. Kaya may mga lugar pa rin dito sa Baguio na gusto kong puntahan. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung kailan ko mapupuntahan.

Back to the topic.

Sa isang technical school ako nag-aral at nagtapos ng college. Though that school—the Baguio College of Technology—offers ladderized program in computer, electronics, and electrical courses, I still chose to finish it up to four years. Yes, may two-year course po ang Information Technology doon. Though originally, the course I wanted to take up was Mass Communicationeither sa University of Baguio o sa University of the Cordilleras sana. Pero dahil hindi kakayanin ng budget, IT na lang ang kinuha ko. Kahit papaano, hindi ko naman pinagsisisihan iyon. I still did my best para naman hindi masayang ang lahat.

Hmm…

As for personality, masyado akong tahimik na tao. At least on first impression. Pero kapag naka-close ko na ang isang tao, naku po! Expect na ang kaingayan ko. Haha! Hindi nga lang ako kalog. Wala nga yata akong ka-humor-humor sa katawan, eh. Although kapag feel kong mang-asar at mambasag (o mamilosopo), go lang ako nang go. Madalas kong gawin iyon sa mama ko. And that identifies me as a Mama’s girl kasi close kami. Parang barkada lang kasi ang turingan namin. Pati rin ang iba ko pang mga kapatid. Sa aming lima (me, my 3 sisters, and my mother), ako lang yata ang hindi mahilig mag-selfie. Ewan ko kung bakit. It’s either I’m not camera-friendly o ayaw lang talaga ng camera sa akin. Kaya naman bihira lang akong mag-post ng mga pictures ko.

As for dreams, I have a lot of them. Nabanggit ko na `yong una na may kinalaman sa writing. I want to establish a writing career for myself. Besides that, I have this weird dream to be a singer. Pero hindi naman singer-quality ang boses ko. It was actually a childhood dream of mine. Another of my childhood dream was to be an actress. Pero dahil kulang na kulang ako sa self-confidence at tibay ng loob, wala na. And I think it’s already too late to fulfill that kahit gustuhin ko. I’m 24, remember? Kaya heto na lang ang ginagawa ko—daydreaming. But I’ll definitely push that writing career, though.

Relationship? Nah! Certified NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) po ako. Marami nga lang akong crushes, be it ordinary people or celebrity crushes. Hindi ko na nga lang babanggitin ang mga celebrity crushes. But I think I could still recall those “ordinary people” who had been my crush that are memorable to me since elementary days. Haha! `Yong iba nga lang, hindi alam ng Mama ko.

• Joel (Grade 3 classmate/crush; though hindi ko na matandaan ang last name niya)
• Froilan (Grade 4 classmate/crush; hindi ko na rin matandaan ang apelyido)
• Erland Jerique or Jerique Erland (Grade 5 classmate/crush, though I forgot the order of his given name and I also forgot his last name)
• Joshua Posadas (another Grade 5 classmate/crush at naglalaro dati ng sepak takraw sa school)
• Ivan Timothy Baluyot (Grade 6 classmate/crush; probably the cutest of all my elementary crushes at kakompetensiya ko pa sa class ranking academically; one of my inspirations noong Grade 6 ako)
• Alexander (1st year high school classmate/crush pero hindi ko na masyadong ma-recall ang mukha niya at hindi ko an rin maalala ang apelyido. Natigil kasi ako sa pag-aaral mid-October dahil nagloko lang naman ako during that time)
• Van Oliver Dicang (1st year high school classmate/crush. He’s my crush during my second time in 1st year high school. Active sa student council at one of the classroom officers. But one thing that everyone doesn’t know, he was the first and last na binigyan ko ng love/confession letter and outrightly rejected me by tearing the letter to pieces. After that, I got scared of doing the same thing again.)
• Allen Anthony Cueto (2nd year high school classmate/crush and perhaps the cutes of all my crushes in elementary and high school days combined. In fact, naging ka-close ko pa nga ang kumag na `to, eh. Though until now, I’m still debating with myself kung ano ba talaga ang naramdaman ko para sa lalaking `to, if it was just a puppy love, plain crush, or close to something deeper. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin alam.)
• Jayson Ayan (First 3rd year high school classmate/crush. Bakit first 3rdyear? I stopped mid-October—again. But health reasons naman ang ginamit kong grounds kung bakit ako natigil ulit sa pag-aaral. Siguro sa sobrang pressure at stress—and slight case of bullying na hindi kinaya ng isip ko. Naging close naman kami ng lalaking ito pero sandali lang.)
• Gerald Opigal (Second 3rd year high school classmate/crush. Pero sa totoo lang, hindi ko naging ka-close ang lalaking ito, ever)
• Suren Quitor (4th year high school classmate/crush. Pero sandali ko lang naging crush ang lalaking ito. I think it was during the time na nagpi-filming kami ng group namin para sa movie project namin sa MAPEH)

As for college crushes, wala na. Dedma na ako sa paligid ko during my college days. Haha! Kaya huwag nang magtaka sa pagiging NBSB ko. Isa pa, masyadong focused sa pag-aaral ang utak ko. And I guess wala talagang magkamali. I mean, duh! Who would actually decide to approach and befriend a Plain Jane like me? Yes, ganyan po talaga ang overall description ko sa sarili ko. In fact, sa hindi ko masyadong pag-aayos sa sarili ko dahil hindi naman ako ganoon ka-conscious sa itsura ko, napagkakamalan pa rin akong high schooler hanggang ngayon. `Kainis lang.

Kahit na medyo may pagka-boring ang tinutungo ng buhay ko, okay lang sa akin. Kahit na NBSB, walang problema sa akin. I’m not rushing, anyway kahit na umabot na ako sa ganitong edad na wala pa ring boyfriend. Iyon ay kahit gusto na akong ibugaw ng Mama ko’t mga kapatid ko. Natatakot yatang maging old maid ako kahit nasa lahi talaga ng mga Aragones (side ng Mama ko) ang pagkakaroon ng mga old maid. But still, hindi naman ako natatakot. I don’t know why, pero ganoon ang pakiramdam ko, eh. Confident much? Hindi naman siguro. Although I have this weird deadline to myself na sana, before I turned 28, magkaroon na ako ng asawa. Haha! So that means, may four years pa ako para maghanap ng prospect husband. What the heck? Bakit ang ikli?

Seriously speaking, this birthday girl’s thoughts suddenly turned into a birthday girl’s introduction of herself to the world. Haha! `Ayan tuloy, napahaba pa ang entry ko. Usually, kapag entry about personal thoughts, hindi naman kahabaan ang sinusulat ko. but then I guess I made an exception today since it’s my birthday.

And so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, Florence Joyce!