The Only One Who Can Remember

The Only One Who Can Remember

Author's Note: This is actually written in Kurama's POV with regards to his full thoughts upon learning that Riya sacrificed her feelings for him so that he will be revived. I guess you can still understand this one-shot even if you haven't read "At Least We Have Forever". But this one-shot actually took place probably between Chapter 34 and Chapter 35 of ALWHF. It's a little sad and perhaps a bit angsty, but hey! The story requires it so I guess I don't have much of a choice. Enjoy reading, anyway! Reviews are very much appreciated. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own YYH and its characters. Only the OC and this plot. Oh yeah! Even the song by Juris entitled "Never Let You Go" (an English version of "Can't Let You Go Even If I Die" by 2AM).

Summary: He lost her in that battle and his heart that loves her too much was taken from him along with her memories. Now he must face a new life alone, in which only he could hold on to the promise of a love that he deemed eternal even if it will bring him unimaginable pain. Kurama/OC *Oneshot/songfic accompaniment of ALWHF*

-x-x-

I lost her. I can't believe it. I can't believe I lost it in the end. Even my determination to protect her which ended up risking my life just to do that didn't do anything for me to let her stay by my side. It was my fault.

And I hated that fact. I hated it too much that I wish I wasn't even revived so that I wouldn't be able to feel this excruciating pain devouring me from within. I didn't want to feel this at all. I didn't want to feel this for even a second of the day that passed by.

Broken heart, regardless of how young we are

For we both know it hurts the same

For we both know and feel the pain

Until now, I wished that everything about me losing the love of my love this way was just a dream… A nightmare that I might be able to escape.. And when I woke up, I could see her there beside me, saying that it was okay, that everything would be alright…

…that she would never leave or forsake her feelings which was only meant for me.

I didn't want her to leave… to disappear that way… to let her go even to the powerful hands of a force known as Death…

Won't you please stop telling me

That everything will be alright

When I can't overcome the pain

No matter how hard I try in vain

Yes, I succeeded in doing the last one—the one about not letting her die—but I didn't know that it would be a deed done in exchange of something else which caused her to break down and wallow in grief. With all of that, she chose to let that pain and grief disappear because of me.

I was the reason why she was far away from me now, even though she wasn't actually that far away in a literal sense.

My beloved Riya disappeared the moment she decided to give up her feelings for me—including her memories with me in it—as the price for bringing me back to life.

I hope you understand

I can't go on

Without your love

How did everything end up this way? How could she do this to me? Does she even have any idea how hard it was to move on and live the same way before I fell in love with her?

It's so unfair! Everything was unfair!

Don't want you to leave me

I will never let you go away

I'm asking you please

I beg you to stay

And give us a chance now

How could it have gotten this worse? Why did she lie to me? Why did she choose to break her promise to me that night in the end? Why did I have to lose her this way? I might be an intelligent person—probably closer to a genius. But all of these questions I kept on asking to myself ever since that day, not one answer came up.

I couldn't think clearly… I couldn't think of anything sensible at all. All that mattered to me all the time was the "how's" and "why's" of all that had happened to us…

…to me…

…to Riya…

…to both of us…

Tell me the reason why

I should just let you go away

How do I live?

How do I live without your love?

I tasted something bitter in my mouth as I remembered that night…

The night she promised that she would never forget me… that she would always love me…

But now..

Now those words had turned into the worst lie I had ever heard in my entire life—both as a fox demon and as a human.

It was a lie that I don't want to remember…

It was a lie that was so painful and devastating, I'd rather sleep for a long time and think of all these as a bad dream… a nightmare…

Even if you push my heart away

I will hold on time and again

Never let go until the end

But no matter what I do or what I say to make myself believe this couldn't be happening, it would always flash in front of me. That one painful, devastating, and frustrating truth would never go away from my mind.

I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't live like this anymore. I just wanted to be with Riya again, despite all that had happened. Was it that hard to ask and accomplish?

I just couldn't live like this…

Not without her here with me…

I just want to be with you

Forever and a day

Whether it's real or just pretend

Stay with me till the end

How was it that loving someone like this—this much—would give me this too much pain and let me wallow in grief? Everything doesn't matter to me at all now. Was this the price of giving all my love for her?

To suffer so much when I could've prevented her from leaving me this way?

Was I really that powerless and gutless to at least stop that?

I don't know… and to be honest, I don't know what to think anymore…

A foolish make-believe

'Cause I can't live without your love

Don't want you to leave me

I will never let you go away

I'm asking you please

I beg you to stay

And give us a chance now

Tell me the reason why

I should just let you go away

How do I live?

How do I live without your love?

But in spite of everything that had happened—no matter how painful it ended that I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, I realized one important thing after all this.

This was something I would never take back since it had been my resolve after learning by beloved Riya's sacrifice for my sake.

I have come to love her more because of what happened. Not just because of her sacrifice in order to revive me, but also because of the reasons she had for her to decide something as crucial as giving up her feelings for me as a price of that act. I was here in the living world because of her.

We've spent those countless times

Together in each other's arms

How am I supposed to live

Without your love

I can't, without you

I just can't

And because of that, I have to continue living. One day, there might be at least one thing that will let us start over again. There might be a way for me to be with her once more. I want to be with her again. I could watch her from a distance and know she was safe, that she was okay. But I knew I could never do that for long.

One way or another, I would do what I think was necessary for me to be with her. I couldn't go on like this without her. This was one I deemed impossible for me to do. That's why I won't stop. I would hold on to the memories of me and Riya. At least there was one of us who could hold on and never let that memorable love go whatever happens.

And I would never give up doing so.

Don't want you to leave me

I will never let you go away

I'm asking you please

I beg you to stay

And give us a chance now

Tell me the reason why

I should just let you go away

How do I live?

How do I live without your love?

I would just introduce myself to her again and maybe let Riya feel my love for her…

A love that was always meant for her—the only girl whom I've entrusted with the magic of the Snow Rose that one winter day. I would start over again even though I knew it would be extremely hard to do.

How do I live?

How do I live without your love?

That's why I want you to heed my words, Riya.

So until the day comes that I could be with you and love you once again, please don't turn your back away from me and forever leave me.

I would only ask for something as much as that from you, my love…

Please…