What character traits do you need to work on?

Setting my mind onto something and actually doing it. Over the years, this is something I actually struggled with. I know what I want to do. The main problem is the determination to put that intention into action. Why can't I do things the way I'd do them back then, when I was still in high school and college? What is it with adulthood that changed my determination to that of a slowly dissipating flame? Honestly, I can't help hating myself for that. Even though I know that it's a bad idea to hate myself for something that I'm slowly losing, I just couldn't stop. I badly intend to fight for it. But each time I try, there's a part of my mind that would just put me down on my knees and slowly lose hope.

I really need to put a stop to these negativity, before it could truly destroy me. I intend to seek the determination that would truly propel me to fight and reach for my true dreams.

🌺 Florence Joyce 🌺

Do you have any trauma that you never heal from?

This is s a little hard to think about for me. I do recall getting spanked (or beaten should be the right word) by my paternal grandmother when I was a kid. But I got over it. I think the one I'd consider the trauma that I couldn't get myself out of would be my parents' separation and getting rejected by the guy I liked, complete with him tearing the love letter I wrote for him.

Both events had put me recently (or should I say, for a long time) in a place in which I couldn't even put myself out there to find the person I'm meant to be with and love in the long run. In me, there was a voice nagging that I'm not enough to even be with anyone at all. That I'm not meant for someone to love unconditionally and wholeheartedly.

It was around 2015 when my parents finally called it quits because it was hopeless for any of them to settle their differences. Not only that, it really hurts me so much for my father to not even support me in my writing endeavors. It scared me to an extent that I would meet a guy who wouldn't dare support my dreams and my journey to find the better version of myself ー the one I should've done a long time ago.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Last time you wanted to say something but didn't, why?

The only reason I could think of as to why I didn't say anything was because I was anxious of the possible results. It was as if my mind had already conjured the results long before they even happened. And most of the time, I saw negative results floating in my mind. A lot of negative words would echo in my mind, as well, no matter what I do to prevent them from completely invading it. And I guess you could add the fact that I was afraid of, basically, everything about that person. No matter how nice or how down-toned I say the words, that person wouldn't let it go. Or at least, won't let the faults from the past go.

I know, at this point, my explanation doesn't make any sense. But to simply put, I still couldn't get over or get pass through whatever fear was lingering in me. And it has been the main reason why I regret not saying the things that I needed to say, words that could've made someone stay in my life.

🌺 Florence Joyce 🌺

How is it for you to forgive those who have caused you pain?

It's not an easy thing to do, honestly speaking. They did put a scar in my heart that, I felt, even time couldn't heal. Then again, I realized that if I keep thinking about it in such an ill manner and let it affect me, then yes. Time wouldn't let it heal.

Forgiving may not be easy for me. But as I grow up, refusal to give forgiveness to those people who made me feel this pain is what's stopping me from truly growing.

Forgiving is not easy, but I realized that it's a must if I truly intend to do more in my life. Forgiving is, perhaps, one of the most important ways for me to discover what I should have a long time ago.

I still couldn't figure out a way to forgive those people, even if they were only a few. But I know I have to do so. But the most important person I should forgive is my loathing and ever doubtful self. Forgiving myself for all the mistakes and wrong choices I ever did in my life has proven itself to be the hardest of all. I made the wrong turn in my life, I know. And I have acknowledged that for a long time now. Yet even with that acknowledgement, how come I'm still stuck in this life? The self-blaming came in soon after that, and it's seriously making me crazy.

So, yeah. I guess the biggest challenge for me at the moment is to forgive myself that was left destroyed for all that I did and finally learn to start over and live a brand new life far from all that had happened in the past.

Fighting!

🌺 Florence Joyce 🌺

Last time you were put in the center of spotlight, what happened then?

I was nervous as heck. I'm pretty sure that was what happened. But I guess I'm quite good at not showing it. I tried to be composed and calm about it. But if I'm going to be honest, it was nerve wrecking inside that I wasn't even sure if I was doing the right thing or not. Facing a lot of people on stage or just in front of them would always make me feel nauseous. It is indeed scary. But each time, I'm doing my best to fight it down so it won't distract me or make me stop doing what I was supposed to do.

After all that, I would recount the feelings while I'm alone. Make me retrace the things I did and those that I shouldn't have done. It's not all the time that one should remain in the audience, hidden by the darkness, acting like a shadow. At some point, I did realize that being put in the center of the spotlight would let you experience new things. Good or bad, what matters is that you learned something from it. At least, I did learn something from all those times I stood in front of so many people and do something. It was a crazy feeling, but I did realize that out of all the stages and audiences I stood up on and faced, respectively, one thing I have to do is to be the brave person I've always aimed to be.

The last time I was put in the center of the spotlight, a different, braver me appeared. And I'd love it if I can be that person once again ー for a long time.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What does success mean to you?

Honestly, this pageant-like question I'm getting as a journal prompt of the day is enough to wreck my brain as I rake answers for it. In this case, I think I'll answer it in a way that I envision it in my life's current state.

For me, success can be equal to satisfaction. Regardless of what I should do to achieve this (in a good way, of course) being satisfied and fulfilled with all I have achieved is one means of success. It could be a fulfilling career, having amazing and supportive friends, happy family of my own (if ever I'd be able to have one), recognition for all the hard work I've done over the years... There are a lot of things that can define success for me.

Even with all of that, success for me would be something that can truly inspire someone or somebody to strive harder, live fuller, and believe earnestly that life still has its rainbows and gold pots at the end of the hard journey. Success for me is something I want to use to stop depressed people from resorting to suicide as an escape to the world's harsh realities. Over the years, I've been affected by any news related to suicide. I couldn't help wondering what could I have done to help that person live his life again and overcome that depressed state.

I want success (my success) as a way to inspire them to live truly.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Love was made of joy

Dear Sunrise,

It's a lovely day to feel loved, don't you think? And I think it should be that way, considering that even though we're far from each other at the moment, I can still feel you here with me. Right here in my heart. I may be alone at the moment, and at times I do feel alone even with the presence of my family beside me. But I have faith. At least, I feel that I should have faith.

Faith that we'll be seeing each other -- finally...

Faith that we'll love each other better than how we were imagining it in our heads...

Faith that we'll get through all this low self-esteem and lack of confidence moments that we could be going through...

Faith that this love we believe has always been meant for us to share and live through will bring us insurmountable joy one day...

Yes, let's both have faith that it will happen. It is going to happen. It is happening. The love we both dreamed of to become reality will come knocking in front of us before we can even realize it. And that joy brought about by the love we feel for each other will sweep over us and embrace us warmly like no other feeling have ever done to us.

Just have faith, my love...

Still believing,
Florence Joyce

A letter to someone you barely knew who has impacted you in some way.

To the Tarot Readers I subscribed on Youtube,

There are quite a few of you on my Youtube subscription list. But even so, I am so glad I did. For a long while now, I've been asking for something that will become a way for me to open my eyes to a lot of things. To be specific, to something I want to do in life. Wait, let me rephrase that. You guys became a way for me to learn about what I'm destined to do in life. If I'm going to be honest, I still have a long way to go in that department. I still have a lot to realize and to learn so I could discover the truth. I still have an ongoing battle in my mind for me to actually know what my soul is truly calling me for to do. I'm already 29, and clueless as heck. But thanks to you, guys (or girls since all of those I subscribed were females), I'm slowly getting there. I just have to win this big battle so I can finally pursue what I was intended to be and to do all this time.

So thank you. 😄

Your subscriber,

Florence Joyce

Open/read when: When we haven't talked in a while.

Dear Sunrise,

We surely didn't talk for a while. And I mean a long while. In my dreams, I'm pretty sure we did. But it's possible that I couldn't recall them at all. I could have dreams in which I talked to you a lot of times. But recalling them have been the hardest task of all.

I don't want to feel disappointed. I don't like feeling in despair. But at some point, I couldn't help it. I do want to talk to you. I do love to be with you and laugh and enjoy each other's company -- just as we've always wanted to feel when you and I will finally cross paths and meet.

Right now, I couldn't do anything. At the moment, all I can do is to earnestly believe that a magic can happen. Let this letter reach you one day when you have no one to talk to. Let this letter make you realize the truth that you seek. Let this letter form a thread that will connect us together even if we're apart at the moment. Allow this letter to let your heart feel the words of love and admiration that I'm sure can help you go through whatever challenges you're facing right now.

Let this letter reach you and one day, we'll reach each other and talk about each other nonstop -- finally cherishing the feeling of being together at last after all that.

With love,
Florence Joyce

5 Unforgettable Moments

Man, I guess I really need to rake my mind about this. I mean, I do recall some. But I'm a little unsure if I could actually recall 5. They should be unforgettable, but events in my life made me unable to let them remain in my mind for longer than I needed to.

Anyway, here we go:

1. When "Charming A Silent Heart" was finally approved for publishing. This is, in fact, my very first approved manuscript ever since I ventured into the writing and publishing world.
2. When "Mirui's Hyacinth: Smile At Me" was approved on PHR for the first time with no revision at all. And yes, I even cried when this happened.
3. When we went to Ilocos Sur (specifically Vigan) for the first time. Regardless of the hot weather, I got to enjoy it.
4. When one of the Japanese actors (Minami Keisuke) I followed on Instagram had actually liked not just one, but two of my posts. It was around 2017 when Kyuranger was still airing.
5. When I won 2 books on a book giveaway for the first time. I mean, I don't usually win anything, so this is unforgettable to me.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Shoot For The Stars

To my Sunrise,

Okay. So maybe writing this letter to you who I haven't met yet can be considered as shooting for the stars. And yet I'm still doing it ー all because I've been waiting for you to enter my life in such a long time. I kept on telling other people that I don't need to fall in love or to commit if I knew that I'd end up getting hurt in the end. Getting rejected, getting friend-zoned, and seeing other people's relationships fall apart right in front of me... These things had made my heart build up a wall to stop myself from feeling so bad about myself because no one would want to love me as the person that I am.

It's a scary feeling to encounter again, and so I made a resolution. I know in my heart that living my life with this lingering negative feeling won't do me any good. I know I'm not meant to live like this for long. At least, that's what I'm choosing to believe. I'm doing the best I can to change the course of my life at the moment. As I'm writing here, I'm sensing that I can only meet you and cross paths with you if I choose to finally let go of what's been holding me back from truly loving all this time.

At the moment, it's a slow process. At one point, I couldn't help feeling frustrated. Even with that, I'm doing what I can to fight that negative feeling. To be the best version of myself before meeting you without actually giving up ー this is shooting for the stars for me. At the end of it all, I only intend to shoot for the stars I'd like to call my destined love.

Until then, let's both do our best so we can finally meet one day.

The one who's continuously waiting,

Florence Joyce

What should you be famous for?

I've always envisioned myself getting known for the stories I write and the other words I wrote. Those that would give an impact on their lives and help them grow and change for the better.

I've always loved writing, so I'd like it the most if I can convey that love and my writing vision in the words I put on paper and online. As an introvert, it's hard for me to communicate well with people. And perhaps that's one reason why I chose writing as my means to communicate to the world.

It's going slow, but I have faith that in divine timing, I'll get these. The journey's already hard, but it's okay. One thing I'm asking from above, though, is for those words, as well, to reach the one destined for me to love for the rest of my life, whether it's a soulmate or a twin flame or both. I intend my words I've written to reach him and his heart somehow.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Generalizing People

Seriously, what is this #CancelKorea hashtag I kept on seeing on my FB newsfeed? Then again, why should I care? Yes, I know. That's a wrong way for me to put it her, considering the fact that Koreans are insulting Filipinos and I'm a Filipina. But honestly, the more I pay attention to these people who got nothing to do with their lives but put other people down and throw insults instead of settling things in a civilized manner, they chose to become warfreaks and overly opinionated that it's making my head hurts just reading about it.

So what's with the blog title?

This is what's wrong with most of us. A mistake of one person doesn't mean it applies to everyone who's the same race. Most of us have the bad habit of generalizing when, in fact, they should only reprimand that particular person for his/her mistake. Then again, I have this feeling that reprimanding both sides would just fall on deaf ears. It is the truth and I've seen a lot of them.

In my case, though, yes. I'm not going to lie. I do generalize people and at times, would lead me to hate that particular race or group. But I also know where to place myself when it comes to generalizing. I'd rather keep it to myself than let the world know how I hate or dislike something or someone. At times, if I can't really hold it in, I would write about it as anonymously as I can. Not like this.

So when it comes to this particular issue as to why this hashtag trended, I have no say on this. Both sides have their reasons. But the more I pay attention to it, the more it's going to ruin my day even without intending to. And I'm not aiming for that at the moment.

NP: "Again (English Version)" by Beverly

How do you tell if someone can be your friend?

One thing that I've noticed over the years of doing my best to be friend is that it's really hard for me to approach people. I still have this habit of observing people before I make my move. And maybe that's one of my ways of trying to determine if someone can become my friend.

But I guess at this point, I'll do my best of trying to break it down since I can't exactly select just one way. Anyway, here goes:

1. I can feel that I can be comfortable with that person, even through observing them from afar.
2. That person's smile can make me feel I actually exists, and not just some wallflower that people usually pass me by. He/she actually notices me in a good way.
3. That person doesn't make me feel inferior, even in other people's eyes.
4. We could have clicked because of the same interests, at some point. His/her knowledge about other things won't be something that can make me feel dumb and in fact, willing to teach me those things without pretense and hesitation.
5. That potential friend is nice and kind, but doesn't use those traits to hide who he/she really is inside.

Okay. I may be a little picky at this point. I guess that's one reason why I don't have much friends? Or maybe because I kept on relying on my gut instincts when it comes to making a decision on whether or not that person can become a potential friend. Bad idea? I don't know. But more often than not, my gut instincts didn't fail me, especially when discerning a person to br a possible friend. At least, that's what I've observed all this time.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Your favorite affirmations.

I have a lot, to be honest. Ever since I got to discover LOA and the use of affirmations to reprogram my mind, I ended up thinking of a lot of affirmations fir myself. I've seen little progress, by far. Then again, I still have more negative thoughts than positive ones. So I guess I need to work hard on getting rid of that. Or if not completely, at least I should do my best to dissipate it a little.

Anyway, I'm only listing my top 5 of this. Here goes:

1. I am an inspiration to others through my writings.
2. I am a great author on the road to being world famous.
3. I am writing to follow my bliss.
4. I am worthy of love.
5. I am committing to writing everyday with confidence and enthusiasm.

Yes, I know. A lot had to do with my writing journey. But I am a writer at heart, and it's a dream I couldn't let go at all, even if my parents don't exactly agree to the path I chose. I just have to actually commit to becoming the best writer/author I can become for the people to know.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Name.one of the conspiracy theories that you want to be real.

From what I know, there's a lot of them. Though most of them were pretty interesting, I'm pretty much inclined in letting the ancient aliens/astronauts theory to be real. Sure, they clashed with a lot of sectors both in the field of science and various religions around the world. But the only part I want on this particular conspiracy theory was about the ancient aliens (or even modern ones) providing insight/intelligence and messages to various but selected people to help enhance the world and humanity. Or like angels and spirit guides delivering messages and things like that. It might sound crazy and even other connections can seem logical at some point. Even with that notion, it still sounded interesting in more ways than one.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Who do you miss at the moment?

My younger, slightly confident and more creative self. Though I've strayed away from the people I got close to before, and even though I have lost quite a number of people in my life, they don't give me that much impact as the one I've mentioned above. I've missed that part of myself more than anything else. I miss that part of me every time I would try to write something ー at least on the fiction writing. I have been uninspired for quite a long time now, so I guess I couldn't really help it if I start missing that part of myself at the moment. I'm yearning to be that person once again. 😄💕

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

The best thing that ever happened to me is you.

To my (future) Sunrise,

One thing I can tell after all that has happened in my life ー you are the miracle that I asked for from the heavens. The best gift that I've ever received in my life. As exaggerated as it might sound right now, what I'm writing here at the moment is the truth.

You will surely be my life's game changer.

Yes, I'm aware that I haven't met you yet. Right now, you are probably living your life the way you wanted it to a long time ago. Even though I don't know anything about it, I'll continue believing that our separate paths will meet one day. Whatever life that you have now, I'm praying that it's going to provide a way for us to meet and be close to one another.

We both have no knowing if our meeting will lead to a love so beautiful, as if we've dreamed it to life. But I do know one thing. You coming into my life and giving you the love I never thought I'd give to anyone will put me in a pedestal I could only dream of reaching. Your love ー so true and unconditional ー will become one of my greatest inspirations as I continue reaching towards the dreams I only gazed at from afar.

I know and I'm sure I'd love the support we both give to each other towards the things that make us happy ー individually and together as best friends and lovers we're going to become. One day, loving each other will not be a distant dream anymore.

I'm still waiting, and I'm doing so patiently. I'm waiting for the day where I can proudly tell to the world how much I love you and how you've become the greatest and the best thing that will ever happen to me. On that day, I'm sure I've also loved myself even more and I'm willing to show to the world the best version of me that I've strive to become so that I can feel that I'm deserving for the true and unconditional love I'm receiving from you.

Till that day, let's do our best and let's pray for each other to fulfill our dreams and meet with pride and joy to our destiny of loving one another.

Always waiting,

Florence Joyce