For Now

I can't write again.

I can't find inspiration.

In short, I've been procrastinating again.

Should I just hit my head somewhere?

Maybe it'll help me despite the pain it'll bring.

But that thought only made me laugh

as I listen to two songs playing on repeat.

I can only do this for now

since I can't concentrate.

I can only let my mind do the work

as I imagine a love story

that perhaps I won't be able to write.

I can't tell for now

but I hope one day I'd be able to.

I want the world to know about it.

I want the world to read it.

If it would lead me to you,

my destined someone,

then it would definitely be

a wonderful dream come true.

But perhaps it won't happen

anytime soon.

The Sunday Currently # 7

Seven… I hope this will be something lucky, huh? Yes, this is my seventh Sunday Currently entry and it will be the last for this year. I rarely finish something like this before, so this is considered an achievement for me. I’ve never posted something sensible in my previous blogs that I ended up deleting before. It’s December 27 and only a few more days before the year 2015 finally ends. I’m not sure if this has been a good year for me. But I can’t say it’s a bad one, either.

Well, the only thing I wished for now would be good health and perhaps, a love life. If it’s God’s will, then I’d be really thankful for that. Of course, let’s not forget a stable job. That way, I’d be able to help my family.

I’d let that stay as a wish for now.

So this Sunday, I’m currently:

[#RomanceClass Podcast] Episode 3 (Blast From Two Pasts by Kristel S. Villar – Excerpt)

Yes! They’ve finally posted it. Thank you for that. So I guess this means the postings for the podcast would be every Saturday until they finally covered the entire season, right? At least I need to be aware of that. But you know what? This was one of the reasons that made me feel excited for Saturdays to come.

Even though the postings were just excerpts from the books, it actually made me anticipate the feels that it would give me as I listen to each podcast episode. I’m not sure how the authors would react to this post once they read it. If ever they’d read it, of course. But even though I couldn’t buy each book for the time being since I don’t have that much money to purchase at least one or two of them, at least I want to let them know that I truly enjoy listening to their novels’ reading. It doesn’t matter if it’s just an excerpt. They’re all beautiful, at least I can tell that.

Saturday Night Thoughts # 7

Finally! I’m able to write this one after skipping it for how many weeks already. Okay… it’s not that long, right? I only skipped writing this for a week or two. See, I wasn’t even sure.

As usual, my head hurts at the moment. But not because of stress or anything related to that. It’s about the weather. December always makes me feel like this. I can’t do anything about it. Unless I forced myself to change my habit, then I won’t be able to prevent myself from getting sick like this.

It’s December 26 today—err… I mean tonight. Six more days to go and it’ll be goodbye 2015. I’m not sure if it’s a good year for me or not. I want to recall the good things that had happened. But most of the time, the bad ones overshadowed them. And honestly, it’s making my head hurts even more. But I want to be thankful for keeping me alive and with my family all year. Even though our relationship to my father had gone worse than last year, I could say that at least I still got my mother and my three sisters.

No love life for me for the past year. There’s no surprise about that. I wasn’t wishing for it, though. But I can’t say if I’d be able to do it again next year. The year 2015 made me realize that, more often, I’ve been fickle-minded. I hate it, to be honest. And I guess that made my head hurts even more. So I guess, by next year, I’ll try my best to change that. Hopefully, I’d be able to.

Seriously, for someone who had skipped writing this post for about two weeks or so, this post indicating my return to writing a Saturday Night Thoughts entry was pretty short. This is getting crazy.

Some Christmas Morning Thoughts

Merry Christmas to all of you who will be able to read this post! Hehe! It’s almost 2 in the morning when I was typing this down. But even though I was supposed to sleep already, I ended up doing this. Probably because I can’t sleep. I was also supposed to write open letters I’m going to dedicate to Maine Mendoza, Alden Richards, and to the new Miss Universe Pia Wurtzbach. But then I ended up doing this.

I’ve been having a lot of bad and negative thoughts lately. Over the months, it’s been like that. I can’t stop it. It affected me big time but I’m trying my best not to let it destroy me fully. I can’t function fully because of those negative vibes and thoughts hovering around me for so long. I rarely pray. I rarely go to the church for a mass. But that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about Him. It’s just that… I only talked to him when I was on the verge of crying. For a sensitive girl like me who gets easily affected, my tears fall almost in an instant when it truly hurts and stings me.

The Sunday Currently # 6

Since I haven’t written any Saturday Night Thoughts (again), and I haven’t written a Sunday Currently post last week, I thought it’s about time I get back on tracks. Sheesh! It’s been a weird week for me. At least that’s what I think. And from what I’ve noticed, productivity left me. Seriously. I haven’t even proceeded with my writings even though I knew and I kept on saying to myself that I need to finish it before Christmas. I have to pass my manuscript, that’s why. It’s been a long time since I last passed any manuscript and I don’t want to wallow on misery just because of a returned manuscript. I don’t want that kind of spirit to disturb me now that Christmas is coming near.

My gosh! I can’t believe it’s only 5 days left before Christmas. But for me, I can’t really feel the hype. And I don’t have to explain why. Various reasons, but I don’t want to elaborate it since I don’t want to ruin everything. I don’t want my Christmas spirit be damped with more negative vibes than what had already hovered around for more than a year in our family. I’m not sure how I want things about me to change after this year. But I do hope that the coming 2016 will be something good for me.

Or at least, I’ll try to let it be good to me. But I’ll think about that later.

So this Sunday, I’m currently:

[#RomanceClass Podcast] Episode 2 (Never Just Friends/Fallen Again by Mina V. Esguerra – Excerpt)

And so I’m done with writing down my thoughts about the first episode of the Romance Class Podcast. I’m not sure if what I wrote makes any sense, though. I’ve always been like that. No matter how I try to let my thoughts remain coherent, there had been times when I tend to ramble some unrelated topics.

See? I’m doing it again. So now let’s get back to the topic before something else lure me away from it again.

This time, the podcast was a reading of an excerpt from Mina V. Esguerra’s book “Never Just Friends”. It was told in 3^rd person POV. This reading was on Jake’s as he narrated his encounter with Lindsay again and signed a sort of contract that would let him stay with her for three uninterrupted weeks, as he stated it. Probably to make it up to her for the lost times? I don’t know. Who knows?

It really makes me want to buy the book but I guess I’d do it next time. But the real thought that hit me after listening to this was: Would I be able to find a guy like Jake who would joke on all sort of miracles just to be with me? Without interruptions, of course. Weird question, I know.

Anyway, I think I’d be able to find the answer to that in the future. Perhaps not even too soon.

In any case, here’s the video of the podcast’s second episode. Happy romantic listening!

All I Did

All I did was to tear papers

instead of writing what I need to.

It seems productivity left me

and inspiration did the same.

So I ended up doing another thing.

All I did was to continue dreaming

of how will my love story happen one day.

I’ve never felt so unloved in my life

and I’m feeling hopeless

that I would even find the one

meant for me to love all my life.

All I did was to sleep

when my eyes felt so tired.

But scenes I think of

made me tear up.

I couldn’t keep them at bay

as I thought of reasons why

even in my imagination,

I still end up losing you.

This was all I did for the past week.

This was all I did as I think of you.

This was all I did and yet here I am,

still thinking if I could do so much more.

But before all that,

will I ever have a chance

to find you for once in my life?

[AlDub / Kalyeserye] Episode 132 (5th Monthsary) – December 16, 2015

Kung tama ang pagkakatanda ko, this is the first time na nag-celebrate ng monthsary sina Alden at Maine na magkasama. At sa Broadway Studio pa talaga kasama ang mga lola na nag-e-enjoy naman sa treat ni Alden para sa mga ito. I like the fact na talagang ipinaalala ni Alden kay Maine `yong day na nag-audition ito sa Eat Bulaga. Totoo nga naman ang sinabi niya. Hindi mangyayari ang lahat ng ito kung hindi nagpunta doon si Maine para mag-audition.

Hindi man nagsasalita si Maine at pinapakinggan lang ang sinasabi ni Alden, I have to admit na napaluha din ako habang tinitingnan ko ang expression ni Maine. Parang hindi pa rin talaga nagsi-sink in sa kanya ang lahat. Na for the past five months since that fated July 16, hindi niya inakalang mababago nang husto ang buhay niya. Nagustuhan ko rin `yong message nila para sa isa’t-isa (na nagpaiyak na naman kay Alden) at saka `yong naging sagot nila sa tanong ni Allan K tungkol sa kung ano ba ang naramdaman nina Alden at Maine the first time they saw each other on split screen.

Actually, kung pakaiisipin nga naman, hindi natin alam ang tungkol sa naramdaman nila on that first day until… this day. So I guess it was a good thing na itinanong na rin ito ni Allan sa kanila. At least now, we knew what they felt about all that had transpired that day. At gaya nga ng tweet ni Sir Joey de Leon, this was one of the best KS episode so far. And I have to agree to that.

[AlDub/Kalyeserye] Episode 131 (Tatay Dodong) – December 15, 2015

This is the second day na silang dalawa lang ang nasa barangay. And if I’m not mistaken, the first time na wala ang tatlong lola sa location ng Sugod Bahay. Napansin ko lang na parang sinasanay na sina Maine at Alden sa hosting. Tinitingnan siguro kung paano nila iha-handle ang Sugod Bahay na silang dalawa lang. Hindi naman kasi puwede na si Maine lang ang gumawa n’on at baka mahirapan naman ito. Come to think of it, was there even a time na iisa lang ang nag-Sugod Bahay sa JoWaPao? Basta, iyon na iyon. Baka in time na lang masasagot ang tanong kong iyon. Ito kasi ang napapala ng matagal na hindi panonood ng TV, eh. Kung hindi pa nauso ang KS, hindi pa ako babalik sa panonood ng TV.

Nagustuhan ko rin iyong pagdating ni Cindy to clarify things with Alden and Maine. At least, all’s well that ends well na ang peg nilang tatlo after Cindy’s appearance. Kahit na sa totoo lang ay hindi matagalan ng tainga ko ang pagsasalita niya, lalo na kapag nagta-Tagalog siya. No offense meant. Natawa na lang ako sa paraan ng pagtatanong ni Alden kay Maine tungkol sa sulat na natanggap nito, na itinanong niya kung manliligaw daw ba iyon ni Maine. Grabe lang kung bakuran si Yaya, eh, `no? Wagas din kung makapag-inquire. Parang naagawan lang ang peg ng lalaking `to.

As for this episode, binuksan na rin ang topic tungkol sa tatay ni Yaya Dub na si Dodong. At gusto daw nitong makita si Yaya. Noon kasi, binanggit ni Lola Nidora na hindi nalaman ni Dodong na si Yaya Dub ang anak nito kasi ipinalabas niya na yaya si Divina at hindi ito ang anak ni Dodong kay Ursula. So here’s my question now. Paano nalaman ni Dodong na anak niya si Yaya?

[#RomanceClass Podcast] Episode 1 (Fall Like Rain by Ana Tejano – Excerpt)

This was the first time I’ve listened to a podcast. It’s the truth. Though I’ve been aware of it for a long time, I’ve never actually tried listening to any of it until now. I’ve learned about the Romance Class podcast through Twitter, though I wasn’t sure which author’s account.

I’m familiar about the books that had been products of Mina V. Esguerra’s Romance Class. But I don’t have money to purchase those books, be it in digital or in print. And then this podcast came out.

VESPIRIA: A MAGICAL DIMENSION OF 3 WORLDS AND 7 LANDS

I know. Masyadong mahaba ang title ng post na ito. Pero wala na akong ibang maisip na mas magandang title, eh. And I guess it just fits. Anyway, this was originally conceptualized way back 2004 or 2005 pa po back when I was still in second year high school. Ganoon na po katagal ang kuwentong ito sa akin na dati ay narration lang ang nagawa ko. Hindi ko pa natapos although naiisip ko na po ang magiging ending. Hehe! The basic idea of the story remained even though I revised it before. This was inspired by my love for Encantadia. And I was ecstatic when they announced a remake of the said series. Paniguradong aabangan ko na naman ito. Matagal-tagal na rin akong hindi nakakapanood ng any TV series sa GMA, eh.

The word “Vespiria” was something I conjured by playing with the words “vessel” and “spirit”. Originally, Vespir lang dapat ang gagamitin kong word kaya lang, I decided to add “-ia” sa huli. This was the word na nabuo ko nang maisipan kong gawan ng Filipino version ang Super Sentai story na sinusulat ko. Until I decided not to pursue that dahil ayoko nang pahirapan ang sarili ko. In fairness lang, ang dami ko nang story plans. Noong una, Farhallia pa ang ginamit ko as the name of the magical dimension. At dahil magulo ang utak ko, heto at nabago na naman ang title ng kuwentong ito.

Someday

It’s 10 am and here I am.

I think of things that I want to do.

I have so many dreams

that I have with you.

Yet here I am, thinking

if it will ever come true.

I sit here in one corner,

pondering in the dark.

Will the time come

I’d be able to see you?

Will my dreams I have

about you become reality?

Will you pick me up and say

“here I am and I’ll hold you

in my arms forever”?

It’s really weird for me

to think like this.

To think of you

as if you truly exists in reality.

But there’s nothing wrong

with wishing, right?

There’s nothing wrong for me

to wish in silence

for a someday with you.

Underneath the sakura tree

that’s blooming so beautiful,

that’s where my dream usually takes me.

But please take me there someday

and make me realize that reality

is far better than a dream.

Someday, take me into your arms.

Someday, let fate allow me

to know you’re real.

One day, hold me close

and don’t let go.

The Sunday Currently # 5

How did November treats you, everyone? I hope you had a great one despite having a lot of what-nots and problems you encountered along the way. Well, my November didn’t treat me right, if you asked me. But then it’s okay. At least, it’s already December. Weird enough, I can’t feel the Yuletide season’s air. Which means, I can’t feel the Christmas vibes even though I kept on seeing Christmas trees and decorations from one house and establishments to another. Though I listen to some Christmas songs, it didn’t help me breathe the Christmas air into my system. Hopefully, this month will treat me right somehow.

And before I forgot, this will be my first Sunday Currently post for December. Unfortunately, this is one December when I don’t anticipate the coming of Christmas day since I don’t participate with the Christmas countdown. Lame life I have, I know.

`Can’t help it. Sorry for that.

So this Sunday, I’m currently:

“Someday We’ll Know” By Sharmaine Light

Okay, this is the second book comment I’m going to write for the same author. The first one I wrote was actually about her 1st published book under Lifebooks. This time, it’s about her first published book under Precious Hearts Romances. Hehe! Ewan ko lang kung may sense ba ang pinagsususulat ko rito.