another 3 days' worth

This is another 3 days worth of video clips (Dec. 27-29, 2024) that I just randomly filmed while going about with my life now that the year is about to end. I mean, it's crazy to think that the year just passed by fast for me. It's going to get busy again now that we have to prepare and buy the things we needed for the Media Noche this New Year's Eve. And for this silent vlog, I decided to talk about the one thing I chose to do with regard to my blog and my journal entries. Just so I have something to talk about and post daily. I still haven't given up on the idea of daily posting on my blog, you know. 😊✌️

3 days' worth (merry christmas 😊🎄!)

This is 3 days worth of video clips (Dec. 24-26, 2024), since I still tried to film whatever random and short clips that I can even when busy. I should've edited it in each day to make the usual 30 seconds mini vlog. But the fatigue would really get to me. So I decided to compile them all. I hope you guys have a good Christmas. 😁🎄😊💕✌️

20241225 Dear HARU,

Merry Christmas, HARU! I know I can only greet you here and not in person. Then again, I'm pretty much shy to even make a move to try and talk to you. I might end up complaining about my day here again, so I'll be apologizing in advance.

Hey... Do you really think I should be selfish and self-centered at some point of my life? Sorry for asking something like that. That's actually what I said in my journal. But I know that it's something quite hard to do in reality. And yet I might consider doing that, even with all the complaints that I could ever do both to you and to my journal.

just a dream of mine

This is actually two days worth, since I didn't get to post yesterday. I was so tired yesterday that I fell asleep before I knew it. Things would surely get busier starting tomorrow, so it would be a miracle if I managed to even post here by then. But it would surely be an achievement if I ever did, right? 3 more days before Christmas. 😁✌️🎄

just wanting to write

I made it! Got to finish this and posting this before midnight. Holiday rush is still going on and it's tiring me out. But I got to write! After a long while. 😁✌️

showing up again

I didn't get to film anything yesterday because of all this holiday fuss that was making me tired the whole time. I mean, I often find myself sleeping before I knew it. But missing a day was already bad enough for me. I was supposed to include a writing vlog here and make this silent vlog a little over a minute to make up for the ones I didn't get to film yesterday. Didn't happen. Yikes! But this was still longer than my usual short vlog. So... I guess it's still a win for me? 😁✌️

more walking done

Yup. I broke the chain after 9 days. Sorry. But I was so tired that all I want to do was to sleep already. I don't feel bad, though. I was doing this as more of a favor for myself than anything. And because of that thought, I didn't feel as bad as I was expecting now that I missed a day of posting after making a self-declaration or something. The deal here was for me to do this consistently and regularly. And I think I did a good job. Now I just have to keep it up. 👍😁✌️

scared of mundane

So I decided to have the clips taken while I was outside the house. Nothing about the inside of any building or the house. I don't know why I decided that, but I think it's good to do this from time to time.

just start

I guess I'm making this a sort of a journal of my thoughts that included random clips of my daily life, huh? Well, I just realized that today. Kind of strange, isn't it?

my reason for doing this

There are a few things I tried doing here while editing the video. And I will keep doing what I can to improve while keeping everything short and hopefully, something people can take inspiration from.

papers and cooking

For the first time since I started doing this, I haven't put a clip of my face here. Not that it would change anything. But I was in a hurry to do this, to be honest. Maybe I'm just doing this so I won't break the chain.

even when it's late

I nearly panicked when I realized that I haven't filmed any clips the whole morning. It was already lunch time when I realized that. Forgetful me strikes again. 😅😁

each day is different

Changing the thumbnail on top of not actually adjusting the length of each clip to exactly 1 second... Yup, I've defied my own rule somehow. But things got a little chaotic here. Not to mention, the pain from dealing with red days is starting for me. So... this is what happened. 😅😁

with late christmas decorating done

Maybe it's a good thing that I showcase even just a little difference in each of my short videos featuring my daily life. I mean, I know my daily life would mostly turn out the same as the other days. But my journal entries had proven to me that even in those similarly looking days, there would always (and I mean "always") be something different. It might be subtle for anyone to see. Yet there will be something there that will make each day unique to us.

with something to say

So instead of counting the numbers of the days that I'm doing this, I'll just post the "title" of each short video. I saw my last silent vlog and I could actually go back to doing that. But I should plan it out first before anything else. That way, I won't have to feel lost and frustrated on what to post.

back again!

This was basically inspired by the videos I saw here about one second a day. But I wanted to create a different version that still applies the same concept of taking 1 second long video clips and compiling them. I'm making this my way of vlogging in the meantime without having the need to speak too much (for now) while trying to navigate my way in taking videos and facing the camera at some point.

034: even when busy, there's still time to time

Good evening!

Yes, I was busy the whole day since I have to get out and head to the market twice today. And honestly, that was tiring. Then again, it was needed.

Because of that, I only got to read one book today. It was a novella and a prequel to a trilogy by Raquel Lyon. This was the first time I read any of her works.

As for a prequel, it does give a background of who I assumed to be the FL (female lead) Sophie in the story. I only learned about it when I read the synopsis for the first book of the Foxblood trilogy. I don't know where Sam would actually fit into the picture in the other books. Right now, I'm in the dark.

Even so, the story was still good. I only rated it ⭐⭐⭐⭐, though. Maybe because it's a prequel and there were questions left unanswered that, for sure, the rest of the books in the trilogy could answer. Mainly Sophie's strange dreams and Sam's real reasons for protecting her. I don't think Sam's role would just end in this prequel. The only character that annoyed me besides the bullies was her friend Beth. I mean, you seriously consider each other best friends? Not in a mile, from the looks of it. Then again, novellas don't usually show enough.

Okay. I know it was short. But I still love it. It's 11:20 PM and I know I'm supposed to sleep already. But I have some more journaling to do. And possibly even reading.

For now, that's all for today. See you tomorrow! Happy book reading. 😊✌️💕📚📖

033: there was a definitely a questionable story there

Good evening! Here we are with another reading blog... even though lately, I'm pretty sure you ended up reading my rants about life instead. At least, that's how I would interpret it.

I'm already sleepy, I'm not going to lie. But I know I still need to put this update down here, as per usual. It's not going to be long since I know I won't be able to concentrate on writing anything longer than 6-7 paragraphs when I'm sleepy. So let's see where my mind would take me with this particular blog entry.

032: trying to read more on a rainy day

...but if you see the picture of the books featured here, you can see that I didn't get to do that. Yikes!

Good evening, everyone! Welcome back to my blog.

I'm sleepy already. It's past 10 PM and I was still planning to write on my journal after this. I'll try. If not, I might have to write them on my phone in the meantime if the idea of handwriting is just giving me more reasons to stress myself out.

Mostly the whole day, all I did was book hunting. And I mean digital ones since I couldn't get out because of the rain. I know it's not ideal for me to read a lot on my phone. But this is my other option for reading books in the meantime before I purchase an e-reader or something like that. And honestly, it feels good to see more books that I wcould really like to read in the future.

Now where were we? Oh, right. Books I read today. It wasn't much since I ended up doing an errand before the hard rain fell. It was late morning, so maybe that's why it wasn't raining just yet. By the way, I chose not to read the remaining books in "Faraway" Collaction of the darker tone of each novella for a modern day fairy tale retelling. I think I should blame it on the second novella of the series. I can't fully explain it why I did that. Then again, I might return to reading the rest of the novellas in the series once I'm in a calmer mindset for such endings, if you know what I mean.

I only got to read these three novellas/short stories today since those are the ones that I know I could finish reading today while I'm doing my errand.

1. Wes Bennett's Vivid Dream by Lynn Painter - ⭐⭐⭐⭐; Yes, I know I still haven't read "Better Than The Movies". But we'll get there. At the moment, I was more inclined to reading short stories and novellas. But seriously, Wes, you must be thinking of Liz so much for you to have such a dream. I was just smiling while reading it. Crazy!
2. Claimed By The Mountain Man by Isla Chiu - ⭐⭐⭐; Like... that instant? Hmmm... I don't think I should comment on that since it does happen in real life. I think. But for someone to declare that you'd be his wife and right at that first meeting because of an accident, both of you actually did it? Okay, my mind is still elsewhere. But I still love the fact that it's just a short read.
3. My Last Blind Date by Susan Hatler - ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐; Rachel was just like me. Afraid of taking risks, especially when it comes to the matters of the heart. But I did guess in the middle of the story that it was that guy who turned out to be her blind date for that day. Or as Ellen would state it, he was her Henry. Love the story, love that she took a chance and the fairy tale that she wanted had actually happened. Yay!

I don't know how many pages I'm going to read tomorrow, even though it's going to be a weekend. More often than not, things around here are getting even more chaotic than usual during the weekends. So we'll see how many pages I'd be able to read tomorrow.

See you tomorrow! Happy book reading. 😊✌️💕📚📖

031: not a good productive day for reading

Good evening, guys! Welcome back!

Okay, as much as the perkiness (just imagine that it was like that) that the greeting implied, I did not have a good reading day today. It's a good thing that I don't make page count quotas anymore or I would be pressured, making reading feel like a chore to me in some way. I don't want that. I just want to read leisurely as much as I can and see how many books I can read. I just want to just read without a care in the world again.

But if I were to consider the current situation in our household at the moment, reading is ㅡ at some point ㅡ my way of taking my mind off of the issue. One was laid off from work and another was dealing with mental breakdown. Just learning all these is putting a weight on my own mind that I would end up overthinking. And it never gave me any good result mentally whenever that happens. So now, reading has somehow helped me alleviate that mental stress starting to pile up before I could even realize it. Being unemployed (and to think I'm the eldest child) would only put me in a precarious position to contribute something so I wouldn't end up thinking that I was a burden to my younger sisters.

With that issue put aside in the meantime (as I might provide updates on them if I can do so), I only got to read two novellas today and continued reading "By The Grace Of The Gods" Volume 4. Only managed to read 3 pages of that, though. I wasn't feeling good during the latter half of the day, so I only read what I could. The other books I got to read today were:

1. Hard by Jenika Snow - ⭐⭐⭐⭐; The length of this novella surprised me. But hey, the plot saved it for me, especially for my sleepy mind. Best friends/neighbors-to-lovers trope is here. And yes, their bed scene was intense, for my taste.
2. Dry Spell by Vi Keeland - ⭐⭐⭐⭐; This is really short, not going to lie. But at least the story was establish. And the spicy scene wasn't that explicitly descriptive, so to speak. To my still aching head while I was reading this, it was a good thing. The way they met, though, was funny.

This is the first time I've read works of both of these authors. And I did try to find more novellas that these two wrote just so I can see the writing style differences. I was able to do the same when I read works by Alexa Riley and Jessa Kane before. At the moment, I don't have anything else to say about it. I might be able to use them as guides for my own writing.

Okay, I should be sleeping already since I still don't feel good. Maybe because I haven't taken in any medicine for that just yet. See you tomorrow! Happy book reading. 😊✌️💕📚📖

030: happy 1st daily blogging monthsary!

Good evening! And today is officially the day that I should be celebrating my one month of daily blogging! Yay! 👏🎉👏🎉

My goodness! I actually achieved a milestone here. So the next one should be the day that I'd be celebrating each of my hundredth days of daily blogging until I reach 1,000 days of daily bloggingg. Of course, I know it could still take some more time (approximately two years). But I'm going to reach that. I mean, I did succeed in daily journaling for 1,000 days. I know I can do the same for daily blogging. This is actually a little bit easier than vlogging, to be honest.

029: when novellas give you ideas

Good evening! It's nearing midnight, though it's only 10:49 PM as I'm only starting to write here. But that's better than not writing at all, I guess.

I did read a considerable about of novellas once again. It seems that I prefer reading them these days, especially when I don't want to read 200+ or more pages worth of a novel. I do have that kind of thinking when reading would start to become a sort of a chore or something for my mind. Do it small steps at a time.

028: still reading some of them, huh?

Good evening, everyone! Here we are with almost midnight entry that I kept on putting off since a while ago because of several chores that I have to finish doing first. But like I kept on saying, better late than never. Or as I'd like to state, there's still time and I have the energy to catch up as long as I know that it won't be draining for my mind and my body.

So there you go! 😂😁

Okay. I did say that I'm going to step away from reading erotic romance for a bit. I don't think that's happening any time soon, especially when I realized that I have quite a few more novellas and short stories like that in my digital library. Yes, just that length as I didn't want to read long erotic romance. My head felt like it would burst when I read long novels with that theme, for some reason.

027: stepping away from reading that genre for a bit 😅😅

Good evening! At least I'm an hour earlier than my usual blogging time these days. So I guess I should take that as a good sign.

One thing I can say about this day ㅡ it was busy for me as heck. I had to go out to do some errands and also to go to the market to buy ingredients for dinner and also go to the grocery to buy some necessities needed for the month. And so at the moment, my feet up to my thighs hurt. Urgh! I mean, I do need to go out twice for that.

And because of that, I didn't get to read much. I still get to read something. But not that much. It's okay. I mean, my eyes would hurt whenever I would read while riding jeepneys on the way to town and back home. So I can only read without that kind of distraction would be when I was in the comfort of my bed.

I only got to read these 3 books today. All were erotic romance as I was only tackling those stories in my digital library these past days. I still have a bit more of that genre to read in my library. But I'm choosing to step away from it for a little bit to refresh and renew my mind. Maybe even cleanse them a bit. 😂😂 Okay, that was cringey with the way I wrote that.

In any case, I wrote my short review and ratings on each of them.

1. "My Addiction" by Hope Ford - ⭐⭐⭐; Nothing much to say about this, to be honest. I don't hate it. But maybe there were some parts that doesn't just vibe with me, I guess. It's a vague reason. But I can't think of anything else. Maybe for now. I could add later, if I have any.
2. "Fake Maid" by Cassie Mint - ⭐⭐⭐; The strong-headed twin Billie has someone finally pinning her down. Both literally and metaphorically. I mean, it was a good thing that I read Coral's story before this and so I was able to connect the stories. But this one didn't appeal to me as much as that of Coral's, for some reason. Then again, maybe that's just me.
3. "Guarding His Obssession" by Alexa Riley - ⭐⭐⭐⭐; This is probably the longest novella of Alexa Riley that I've read by far. Not that I'm complaining. Just don't like the fact that Zoe was way too dense and also blunt for my taste. Contradictory that doesn't seem to make sense for me. And also the fact that the two leads easily trusted each other other than the fact that the connection was just too intense.

Okay. Now the reason why I'm stepping away from reading erotic romance for a little bit is because of the stories I found that I wanted to read already.

All three of these books have one thing in common: they were written as diary entries. And of course, they were middle grade storiea. You know I love those kind of books. Of course, I know I haven't read that many epistolary books other than "Daddy Long Legs" and "Dear Emily", by far. But these two were telling stories in the form of letters. These books I chose to read already (even with all the other books I know I have to finish reading) were all diary entries and nothing else.

You could say I'm choosing to read this to see some ways I could tell stories using diary entries. Thank goodness I found three to four series that used this format as a means of storytelling since it could help me with writing that epistolary story I was working on for a long while now.

Okay. I'll give you an update about my current reads when I post a new daily entry tomorrow. For now, this is all I can write about. My feet are tired and aching and I just want to sleep already.

See you tomorrow! Happy book reading. 😊✌️💕📚📖

026: changes made

Good evening! It's already past 11 PM here and I was seriously ready to sleep. And then I remembered that I have to write here since I'm done writing in my journal. Gosh! Why do I keep forgetting that I also have to write here?

I changed my Goodreads reading challenge goal from 100 books back to its original goal ㅡ 24 books. So in a way, I was already done and had completed my goal even before the month end. Sure, we all know that majority of them were novellas. But I still read these books and I managed to achieve my reading goal because of it. Of course, it still won't stop me from doing my best to read every single day. I'm making it a habit, aside from daily journaling.

025: just a short entry before i fall asleep

Good evening! This is still considered late, I know. But just like what I kept on saying, it's better late than never. There's nothing wrong with me thinking that way, right?

In any case, I have a feeling that this is going to be a short entry as I know I'm sleepy and I just want to sleep. Already.

Once again, I read several novellas today since my mind doesn't want to continue reading other books ㅡ even the ongoing ones ㅡ for some reason. And yes, some of them were rated ⭐⭐⭐⭐ while the others were rated ⭐⭐⭐, as per usual. I don't know why I kept finding a lot of ㅡ in my opinion ㅡ ⭐⭐⭐ reads lately. Or maybe I just have a hard time finding stories that would... satisfy me in some way? Wait, why does that sound a little weird in my ears? Or maybe I phrased it a little different.

I might have to create a list later about the books I've read in September as part of my September wrap-up. I actually didn't realize that I have to do that since I started this daily blog posting about my reading journey. I mean, this blog is slowly turning into a sort of a book blog, right? Then maybe I should do things that booktubers tend to do when posting video topics in Youtube. Of course, that's probably just me thinking of it that way. I could also write about the reading challenges that I want to do here.

My gosh! So many plans, and yet I haven't even done anything to implement them just yet. Then again, doing a daily blog was already something of a record that I can use to document the journey. These daily entries will make me see the progress I made in each of the challenge that I could do in the future.

Okay, my short entry ended up stretching slightly further than I intended. So I'm ending it here for tonight. See you tomorrow! Happy book reading. 😊✌️💕📚📖

024: more 3 star reads, even the unexpected one 😑😑

Good evening, guys! Yes, I know. I am seriously late once again about this obviously short blog post. I was about to sleep, to be honest, as my eyes were already drooping as soon as I finished washing the dishes. I guess that it was a given, considering the rampages of thoughts that I had in my mind lately after that certain issue with my second sister.

Anyway, back to the usual main topic of this blog. Then again, I think it won't be that bad to talk about other topics here once in a while besides my reading journey for the day, right?

Once again, I focused myself on reading several novellas in my digital library (a.k.a. my phone) the whole day. And trust me, I read quite a few of them. That is, if you woulf consider 8 as few. 😁😁 I enjoyed reading some of them, especially the first two short stories in Susan Hatler's "Treasured Dreams" series. I gave them both ⭐⭐⭐⭐ ratings as soon as I was done reading them. There were still 5 more in the series and maybe I'd be able to read them all tomorrow. As for the rest, I gave the usual ⭐⭐⭐ ratings. Yes, even the one from "Faraway" collection. Not that I would know Rainbow Rowell's writing style as this was the first time I read any of her works, to be honest. I was confused the whole time I was reading this novella, that's for sure. We'll see if the same pattern emerges in the other stories in the collection.

I still managed to continue reading other books, as well, aside from reading these novellas. But for the one I read today, I just continued reading "By The Grace Of The Gods" and I'm already on the 32% mark of th book when I was just on the 10% mark yesterday. That's a leap, if you ask me. And this has just made me realize one thing.

I don't think I could succeed in reading a book in one day that doesn't involve novellas in the line. Or maybe my mindset wasn't there just yet. I knew I was able to do that before. Possibly back in 2016 when I was reading a lot and also doing some book reviews here on my blog. The long reading slump must have put a block of some sort in my ability to do the same thing again. But perhaps slowly crawling my way out of it could help ㅡ and it will only happen by doing more reading. At least, that's what I realized.

Okay, I guess I wrote enough here for the day. I would have written more if I wasn't late in doing this, you know. But let's see if I can do that tomorrow. For now, I know I have to end this entry at some point.

See you tomorrow! Happy book reading! 😊✌️💕📚🤔

023: more novellas done reading and some blog entry series plan

Good evening, guys! Welcome back to my blog.

Okay, why does that sounds like I was talking in front of the camera like a Youtuber or something? To be honest, it felt strange. I don't know why. Anyway, it seems that it's starting to become a habit of mine to write on my blog at 11 PM or past 11 PM. And it shouldn't be that way, to be honest. But I guess when I'm caught up with something, I tend to lose track of time. And we all know that it could be a good or a bad thing, depending on the context.

022: more books finished reading!

Good evening! This might looked like a rushed entry posted here, but that's because it was. My apologies in advance.

I'm already sleepy as I write here, to be honest. I only woke up all of a sudden because I recalled that there was something else that I have to do here. I don't know who or what to blame for this to happen, but I'm thankful since it reminded me of what I have to do before the day officially ends.

Even with the weather was cold the whole day or the rain continued to fall down because of the storm, I was also thankful that I got to finish reading 5 more books. Yes, more novellas, as you guessed it. Crazy, right? And yes, several more erotic romance novellas were included in those five books. In fact, 4 of them were novellas.

One thing I was thankful about for today was that I finally got to finish reading one of the books that (I think) I DNF'd since 2021. I was surprised when I saw the date that I shelved "Doon" in Goodreads. Yes, I have a feeling that it was exactly what I did (even when I didn't fully acknowledge it back then), and so that's why it remained in my Currently Reading list in Goodreads in such a long time. By the way, I gave it a ⭐⭐⭐⭐ ratings there, even though it was supposed to be a ⭐⭐⭐.5 ratings. I can see why I had this urge to DNF'd it even back then , especially when I was reading Jamie and Veronica's interaction. They were so annoying that I was ready to hit their head to wake them up and stop being such stubborn brats and such. And then there's Mackenna... Urgh! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Never mind. But I might still continue reading the series since I already have the other three books. Let's see if they were all able to redeem themselves there, in some way.

As for the other four books/novellas, I knew I just read them for the sake of looking for something else to read to add more to the Goodreads Reading Challenge and to catch up, in a way. It did help, whether I admit it or not. But also still surprised that I continued reading more erotic romances when I would rarely do that. Or could it be that I was trying my best to read something outside of my comfort zone? I mean, this genre is one of those that I truly avoid reading and also writing. I gave "Maddie's Marine" a ⭐⭐⭐⭐ ratings, while the rest of the novellas have ⭐⭐⭐. I have no problems with the writings of the story. Either it's just me or some of the plots that I read for me to consistently give these erotic romance novellas such ratings.

I didn't do a daily page count quota this time, as I decided to just go with the flow and see where it would lead me. I just have to surpass the 10-pages mark so I can consider it done for the day. If I read more, then that's all good. No pressure.

Okay, I'm seriously sleepy. I'm ending this entry here. See you tomorrow! Happy reading. 😊✌️💕📚😁

021: just making sure i can make it today

Good evening! Here's another near midnight entry for you, guys.

I have tried my best for me to be able to read my 54 pages quota today and thanks to the help of the two novellas I read, I managed to do so. I was thinking that I won't be able to do that since I didn't read that other book that much. I'm laying that down right from the start. Well, maybe I should also blame the storm and the coldness that goes with it as the rain fell down hard. It made me just want to wrap myself in my thick blanket and sleep. I'm not even joking. That's how cold it is here at the moment.

Now for sure, this is going to be a short entry. But I think it's okay. At least I have something as an entry that details what had happened. You know, I was thinking of doing a throwback of some sort by posting a photo of some very old diary entries of mine and explaining the context of each. As long as they weren't such embarrassing entries, of course. 😳🤭😱 But maybe I should still try to figure out how to do that since I don't have any plans at the moment of recording/making videos about it. Maybe writing the story of the entries would dissipate the embarrassment that could go with it.

As for the books, I ended up reading two more erotic romance novellas. 😳🤭 Sorry. They just really came to me ㅡ the urge to read them, that is. I mean, I don't know why I was feeling sonething like wanting to DNF'd that book I'm currently reading even though I wanted to see through it till the end. Or could it be that I was feeling overwhelmed on the number of pages in that book? Maybe. Who knows. So reading novellas somehow lessen that burden in a way, I think.

Like usual, I gave the two novellas a rating of ⭐⭐⭐. I don't know if I'll even find novellas that I would give ⭐⭐⭐⭐ or ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ ratings. Wait! I remember giving "The Exception To The Rule" by Christima Lauren a ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating on Goodreads. But I think I should make it an exception since it wasn't so much of a steamy, spicy novella. I don't know if I would still be able to find erotica/erotic romance novellas a higher rating other than ⭐⭐⭐. But maybe I'll just have to continue reading more. I won't be able to know if I don't read more of it, right?

So I think that's it for now. It's already 11:24 PM here and supposed to be sleeping already. And yet here I am, still writing just so I can post something here. In any case, see you tomorrow! Happy reading and stay safe. 😊✌️💕📚📖

020: still reading even when the storm surges

Good evening, guys! I hope you're all safe, especially those affected by Typhoon Julian (international name Krathon) today. They've already placed Benguet (the province where I live) to Tropical Cyclone Wind Signal #1 and since this morning, the rain and wind were hurling crazy around us. And yes, it was also cold that I just want to stay in my bed and get curled up in my blanket.

Yup, that's the ideal life ㅡ especially when you know you have so many books to read.

As for the books, 20 consecutive entries and 41 books/novellas in total (according to Goodreads) just for the month of September... What in the world just happened for me to reach that? Crazy, right? I didn't think I'd be able to read that many in just a month (even though I "cheated" since majority of that 41 were novellas and short stories) after that long reading slump.

Today, I got to finish 4 novellas and 1 light novel. I was required to read 34 pages, and I got to read SO MUCH MORE than what I needed. Yes, I finally finished reading the third volume of "By The Grace Of The Gods" today! I rated it ⭐⭐⭐⭐ in Goodreads even though I wanted to rate it 4.25. Or maybe 4.5. I was torn between the two, to be honest. This was until this volume that the remaining episodes of the first season of the anime version was based on.

As for the rest of the novellas, I gave them all ⭐⭐⭐ ratings in Goodreads. I mean, they were all good stories. But perhaps not that enough to keep me hooked. Then again, they were just short reads. It was the plot that probably got me sort of... bored. Apathetic. Unfeeling in some way. Was that how I was supposed to call it? I don't know. Or maybe that's just me and my personal opinion.

I know I once mentioned that I used a color spin wheel to determine my next read among my pending reads. Or have I? But yes, that was the idea and I finally picked the first one. I based my choices (since I have 5 books that I started reading a long while ago but never got to actually finish them) on the dominant color of the book cover.

The color choices were:

• Fuschia
• Lime
• Green
• Light blue
• Red

The first color picked was GREEN.

Starting tomorrow, I would be continuing to read "Doon" by Carey Corp and Lorie Langdon. I would say, this was a long time coming. I mean, I was already at 38% of the book and I still have a long way to go. There were so many chapters, switching between friends Veronica and Mackenna. And maybe the amount of chapters intimidated me back then. But right now, I'm determined to finish reading the book and finally put it on my Read shelf.

That's all I have for tonight. I still have to write on my journal and maybe continue to do some other things before I fall asleep.

See you tomorrow! Happy reading. 😊✌️💕📚📖

019: an entry before midnight ㅡ for real!

Yikes! It's nearly 11 PM here, currently raining because of the approaching storm and I haven't written anything. What the heck just happened to me?

The answer: I nearly forgot. Today was my mom's birthday and my first sister and her family were here. I call her my first sister since that's how I like to my younger sisters. I have 3 younger sisters, by the way. So I would refer to them as my first sister (the one born after me), my second sister (born after my first sister), and then my youngest sister. I'm the eldest of four girls, just to let you know. 😊✌️

Now back to the topic of my daily reading journey.

I did manage to read today even though it was a busy day because of my mom's birthday. I only need to read 25 pages, according to the random number generator.

Yup, something short. And I needed it, to be honest. Especially when I got tired from helping out with the food preparations.

I only focused on reading "By the Grace of the Gods" since I needed something lighter to read to rest my mind. I managed to read 27 pages, but I might continue reading later after this. I'm at the 56% mark of the book so it might take me a little while to finish reading this. Of course, it depends on what will happen in the next coming days. Let's hope I won't be that busy so that I can get this over with.

Oh! I almost forgot. I also read two erotic novellas (again! *hides*) when I woke up this morning. They were still written by Jessa Kane and I still can't believe I got to read something like this. 😱🙀 Crazy as heck! I gave them ⭐⭐⭐, as well, along with the other stories in the series. Yes, it was a series. I was surprised.

But you know what? Reading novellas like this has made me rethink about how I would want to write some of my stories. Especially the series ones. Of course, I still have to plan them out so I can make it work.

For now, I'm ending tonight's very late entry here. See you tomorrow! Happy reading. 😊✌️💕📚📖

018: merging yesterday and today's reading progress

Good evening! And yes, I know it's already late. At the moment, it's 10:09 PM and I still haven't written in my journal. It sure sounds like I haven't made a good progress in my day in some way.

Okay, now why did that sounds like a rhyme or something?

Anyway, I still read today. I managed to even when things were slightly busy here since my mom and I (as we were the only ones in the house during the day) were preparing for her birthday tomorrow. I had to go to the market twice to buy the ingredients needed for the food that we would prepare for her birthday. So I won't be surprised if I end up writing another entry again tomorrow at night time.

I know I did mention that I read today... but I didn't expect that I would end up reading sci-fi erotica novellas. I mean... what the heck just happened to me? Then again, I would consider this as a genre that was out of my comfort zone. And regardless of the fact that I was uncomfortable in some parts, I did survive. That's what matters. 😂😂 By the way, I've given all of them ⭐⭐⭐. Yup, the uncomfortable part was what made me rate it that way. Of course, this is my personal opinion.

And because I've read these novellas, they covered my page count quota for today. Of course, I know I haven't mentioned my reading progress from yesterday since I didn't reach my quota. I only managed to read 22 pages out of 34. I was way too sleepy that I couldn't keep up and push through. With that, I ended up adding the remaining 12 pages to today's page count quota. So... 86+12 ㅡ that makes it to 98 pages.

Of course, I still continued reading the third volume of "By the Grace of the Gods" when I wanted to give myself some sort of breather from all the erotica I read today. It's seriously a refresher to have this on my reading list.

I changed the number of books on my reading challenge again. From 35, I changed it to 40. I actually might have to change it again, depending on my reading speed. And I also did a reading challenge that I would call "color picker chooses the book I have to finish reading ㅡ finally!" I started to do this challenge because I know I have to finish reading the books that were pending on my currently reading list before I pick a new book to read. But I'll post about the order of the books that I would read in another entry.

It's 10:30 PM, and I think I still have time to write in my journal, even if it's just a few words. So I'll be ending my entry here for tonight.

See you tomorrow! Happy reading. 😊✌️💕📚📖

017: just wrote a late entry and i have books to blame for that

Yes, I know. This is really late since I've started this entry at 9:20 PM. I was preoocupied with fixing my ebook folder the whole day just so I can easily determine my TBR in the next coming days after fully reading my current reads. It did take me almost the whole day to do that.

Don't worry, I still managed to read a few pages. I just haven't reached my page count quota for today which is 34 pages, courtesy of the random number generator. See?

As you can see, I changed the page number range of the pages that I'd read in a day. If I remember, the range yesterday was 20-90. I increased the maximum number today by 5. And today, I did the same to the number of books on my Goodreads reading challenge ㅡ from 24 to 35. I was thinking of making it 40 books, but I backed out. Depending on the actual number of books that I would read this year, I might have to change the number of books to read for this year.

Thanks to the two books I finished reading yesterday, I was supposed to have reached my goal of 24 books this year already. But like what I've mentioned, I added more to my goal, thanks to this daily reading habit I started adapting. Of course, I was able to reach my page count quota yesterday and more.

If I were to consider the remaining 274 pages of the second volume of "The Weakest Tamer Begins The Journey To Pick Up Trash", it was a lot more than I was expecting to read. I changed the rating of this book from ⭐⭐⭐⭐ to ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐. Maybe because I loved it more the second time I read it compared to the first time I read the light novel. Especially since I also watched the second half of the anime version. This is actually the volume that made me love and root for Ivy and the adventurers that stayed with her till the end of that really hectic and dangerous mission with the enemy.

As for the novella "With Any Luck" by Ashley Poston, I rated it ⭐⭐⭐⭐ since I love the banter between the two leads. Well, minus Audrey's drunken version and I would not deal with her when she's like that. I really thought she did it with her best friend. Who would've thought it actually happened with that guy? Crazy, right? It's the switching of timelines that I didn't like a bit since it happened in every chapter. I wouldn't mind if there was like 2-3 chapters gap for the timelines, but that's not what happened.

I just read 11 pages of the third volume of "By the Grace of the Gods" yesterday since I was not in the mood to continue reading it. That's worth two chapters, by the way. And if I were to base it on the titles of the chapters, this volume will cover the remaining episodes of the first season of the anime version. And I still have a lot of chapters to read, to be honest.

Okay. It's now 9:42 PM (🇵🇭 standard time) and I think I should continue reading so I can finally reach that page count quota. Oh, yeah. I still have to write on my journal, as well. So I think this is where I end my entry. Hopefully, I won't be as late as I am today when I write my blog entry tomorrow. 😂😂

See you tomorrow! Happy reading. 😊✌️💕📚📖

016: what the heck? i actually read steamy novellas? 😱😮🤯

Here we are with another... really late entry. As if there was something new with that. I didn't sleep through when I woke up at 5 AM. But it seemed that my mind was still in dreamland the whole time and all I did was to contemplate about a lot of things.

I watched some reading vlogs yesterday ㅡ reading challenges, mainly. This time, I came across a reading challenge about reading 60 books in 60 days. That means 30 books in 30 days. Right off the bat, it was crazy. Without a doubt. But if I really want to tackle down my insane amount of TBR in a (somewhat) desperate manner, then this challenge could seriously be the one for me. And as I want a challenge, I want to choose the books I'd read using a generator or something. By author or series or just some random standalone book. Oh, yeah. Even novellas and Christmas stories. Let's see how I'm actually going to do this.

015: did i cheat on this?

Yes, I know. What a title for today's rading/book blog. I don't know, but I couldn't help feeling that way just for me to catch up with my reading challenge. I mentioned that on yesterday's blog entry, I know. But I couldn't help feeling frustrated about my reading journey as I keep on seeing the number of books that was behind schedule. So I did what I considered to be the weirdest thing ever ㅡ at least for me.

I read short stories and novellas. And thanks to that, I finally got back on track on my reading challenge. And maybe I went a little overboard on that one, now I'm 3 books ahead of schedule. Just so you know, almost half of them were novellas. Should I call that cheating? Maybe. But I think this is just helping me read more, regardless of the length of the book.

014: crunch reading just to be back on track

Good afternoon!

Yes, I know. This is a lot later than my usual blogging time. You could say things had gotten busier around here since I woke up this morning. It's 3:46 PM here as I'm writing here. But I did read for today. I think that's a good thing. I tried to read as much as I can while doing things around here.

As for my reading update from yesterday,  I got to finish reading several books! What do you know? Then again, three of them were just the shortest books from my old currently reading list that were added since the early 2024, to be honest. You could say I'm in a hurry to be on track with my Goodreads Reading Challenge for this year. And what better for me to do that?

013: Blogging Plans And Just Reading One Book

Good morning!

This is actually a blog entry at past 8 AM here in 🇵🇭 since... sleep keeps winning. Urgh! Of course, there is a reason. I really couldn't sleep last night and I ended up sleeping at past 1 in the morning. It's a good thing that it's weekend. I don't have to wake up early to help my sister prepare for work. Maybe that's why I ended up sleeping that late. I just know I don't have to wake up way too early. 😁✌️

One more day before I reach my second week of daily reading. What do you know? I made it! Well, I did fail at reading as soon as I wake up. Sleep always wins on me. So the challenge that I chose to keep up was to reach my reading goal and write about it the next day to give updates. And so far, I was able to do both. Maybe I should do a weekly recap blog entry? Or not. I mean, I've been writing my daily thoughts about what I've read here on my blog. So doing that would only feel repetitive. But I seriously think I should write something different each week that may or may not have something to do with reading. As a way to make this blog a little diverse, in my opinion.

012: Two Books Done And Started A New One!

Good morning! Here we go again with another daily blog entry about my reading journey, if it's actually right to call it that way. I'm trying my best to stay awake, to be honest. But maybe doing this will help in some way.

I removed my "Want to Read" book list in Goodreads yesterday. That's more than 300 books in the list that I declared to read over the years since having an account there. But looking at that list had ㅡ sometimes ㅡ give my mind some pressure and that sense of wanting to catch up with people reading so much who could "devour" books so easily. This shouldn't be, and yet it happened. And to be honest, deleting that list is better. It was like... giving off a sense of mystery, no matter how small, about what to read next (or even more so, what to finish reading next).

011: Started Reading New Books And A Realization

Good morning! Though in my case, it's a rather late, and also a rainy morning here in Baguio, 🇵🇭. It's nearly 7:30 AM as I'm writing here, just so you know. I'm pretty sure it was also raining in some other parts of the country because of the storm that, according to the internet, it already exited PAR (Philippine Area of Responsibility) since yesterday. But it would still bring rain to other areas for affecting the habagat (southwest monsoon).

I wasn't planning to make this blog entry a weather update or something. But I can't help it. The fogs and the rain was what greeted me when I woke up at 5:40 in the morning earlier and look out of the window. And since it was also cold, I also ended up sleeping a little more. Yes, as you guessed it, I slept late once again. Past 12 midnight while watching Youtube reaction videos and some reading challenge vlogs (again).

010: Another Novella Done While Trying To Figure Out My Blogging Pattern

Good morning! Welcome to another day of my daily blog. I hope that you have a good day, wherever you are in the world while reading this.

Oh, geez! I'm still sleepy. This is what happens when you end up sleeping at almost 1 in the morning even though you know you have to wake up at 5 AM. Seriously insane, if you ask me. I didn't think I'd end up writing this a little later than usual. But drowsiness got the best of me. Can't beat that at this point, so I let it.

009: 2 Books Down, Even Though They Were Just Novellas (⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠)

Good morning, y'all!

Oh, gosh! I feel like I'll have a headache any time soon. It's 5:12 AM as I'm writing here and I still feel sleepy. Then again, can you blame me? It's cold outside, woke up again at past 1 AM and didn't get to sleep at past 3 AM. That's the third time already, you know? It's crazy, to be honest. I didn't realize that this kind of pattern would start to emerge. I couldn't help wondering what brought this on, though. But I think I might be able to figure something out sooner or later. We'll see.

On the other hand, I have a good reading session yesterday that I couldn't even believe I did that. And the surprising thing for someone who was dealing with a major reading slump like me? I got to read a total of 214 PAGES! *internally screams so loud* That's insane, you know. Okay, maybe I was exaggerating what I was feeling here. But to think I would be able to actually read that many pages in one day, that's a lot. That's 257% more (thank you, percentage calculator) than my page count quota from yesterday.

008: Done Reading Another Book While A New Mental Debate Started

Gosh! I hate waking up like this when I only slept for an hour or so after waking up in an ungodly hour, if I say so myself. Shorter explanation? I was awaken at past 1 AM and didn't get to sleep until 3 AM, even when I tried my hardest. And to think I have to wake up at 5 AM... Urgh! I am not liking this at all.

On the lighter side, I GOT TO FINISH READING A BOOK! Yes, I have to write it in caps lock for emphasis. I'd rather do it that way. 😁😁 I'd still consider it a book even when it was just only a short amount of pages and it was meant for kids. I finished reading the 11th book of Hardy Boys, "While The Clock Ticked" in 3 days. It's a little slow for a middle grade (was it categorized there?) book. But I was only reading what was in my page count quota and would only add more if I have both the energy and the time to read more. I'd like doing my reading that way for now. No pressure, you know.

007: 6 Chapters To Go... And Then Some

Good morning! It's time of the week again where I have to wake up at 5 AM and I'm doing what I can not to fall asleep again after that. Maybe I should've fixed that other alarm clock so that I won't have to fall back asleep even on the weekends.

I don't know what to think about yesterday, to be honest. It felt like... everything passed by in a blur or something. I can't understand why I felt that way when I was just at home all day and doing my own thing. Thankfully, I got to finish my page count quota even with all my mind's craziness.

my thoughts on reading vlogs after watching a lot of them lately

It's too much for my brain to comprehend. It's a lot for my "reading urge" to keep up.

At least, that was the initial reaction, by the way. In this case, I've watched quite a number of reading vlogs since the start of the month and I have no idea why I decided to do that when I rarely (and I mean VERY RARELY) watch any reading vlogs until... this month of September. Strange, right? But here's the thing. I only choose certain topics when watching reading vlogs. In my case, I chose to watch reading challenges. Like:

006: Surpassing My Page Count Quota. A New Reading Plan.

Good morning! I honestly just woke up and it's already 7:03 AM here. Still feeling quite sleepy. But I know I should've done this when my alarm went off at 5 AM. Yikes! Done it again. I guess I was just too sleepy. It doesn't have to be this way, you know. I put a reading challenge to myself just so I can get over my bad reading slump.

Though the random number generator was helping in some way, I also want to do this early in the morning. Or was it because my body knew that it was a Sunday and I don't have a task to do on an early weekend? I'm not sure. But I still want to do something productive as early as possible.

005: Finished A New Book! And Started A New One...

Good morning... from a way too early riser (ish). Not really. 😕😕 I actually woke up at 1:52 AM for some reason, and I don't know what else to do since my brain just say that I don't want to continue sleeping just yet. So I'm doing a REALLY early blog entry for my daily blog. Maybe it's because not being able to write anything... is crazy. That's the only problem I have from yesterday. Okay, maybe even reading, as well. I mean, I didn't reach my page count quota for the day. 😔😞

On the bright side, I was able to finish "Daddy Long Legs" because of that page count goal. And I was shocked when I saw that I've been reading that book for more than two years already (since May 2022, according to my Goodreads data). Yikes! Just what the heck was I doing all this time? Then again, the same goes to the other books in my reading list. So who was I to complain? This is what happens when a lot of books keep enticing me to read them. Yup, blaming the light novels I kept seeing and been wanting to read. And more new books coming out every chance I get. 😬😬

004: Celebrating Small Wins: Reading, Writing, and Morning Struggles

Good morning! And as per usual, I didn't get up even after my alarm at 5 AM went off. This is what happens when I know I don't have to get up early to help my sister prepare for work since she wasn't here. 😂 It's crazy, I know. It's 6:55 AM and I only woke up when my mom called for me to check on her blood sugar since she has to leave a little later for her own errand. I ended up sleeping right after that alarm went off. Yikes! 🤭

But for a reading update, of course I was able to reach my quota and more. My reading pages quota yesterday was 15 pages and I was able to read 28 pages of (still) "Daddy Long Legs". I still have 27 pages left to read for that book before I can finally say that I finished reading it. Finally! Anyway, I think I'll celebrate when I actually did finish reading it. That's better, right?

003: Daily Update: Reading Triumphs and Writing Fails

Now where was I? Oh, yes. Another daily update of what I've been doing since yesterday. I didn't get to do much since I have to go out twice and I was tired because of that.

I managed to reach my reading quota from yesterday, which was 26 pages. That's short and doable, so thankfully, I managed to reach that page count. I'm still reading "Daddy Long Legs" and I think I might be able to finish reading this before the week ends. Who knows. And it also depends on the number of pages that I would end up reading every day. As much as I want to write my thoughts about the book right now, I don't want to. But I've already reached the part where Judy is a sophomore and had spent time with Jervis Pendleton. Wow, right? Honestly, every letter was too much for me. But I did dream of writing a story like that one day. An epistolary one.

002: an update from yesterday, and more...

So this is an early morning post that I decided to place here, just because I can't concentrate on continuing to write that one-shot I started last night or continuing to read "Daddy-Long-Legs". Yup, that's the book I'm trying my best to finish since I've been reading it on and off since last year. 

It's crazy, right? Just what the heck happened to me all this time for me to have such a bad case of a reading slump? In any case, I'm putting up a little update from yesterday before I formally start my day today. It's a bit weird writing here in the early morning. But I think this is better than not writing anything here at all. I might be able to do this on a daily basis. Of course, that still depends on whether I want to actually write about a certain topic or not.

001: a short update since i haven't been posting here

So I finally finished reading one book this year... after setting it up since the start of the year. Like what the heck? Are you kidding me? I'm seriously in the middle of a bad reading slump right now. And to think that has been going on for such a long time. Urgh!

In any case, I just finished reading "What Happened At Midnight" by Franklin W. Dixon. And as you guessed it, this is just a pending reads that I seriously wanted to finish reading already. It took me a long while to finally finish reading the entire thing ever since adding it on my Goodreads shelf back in March 2023. You're kidding, right? Apparently for me, that's not the case at all. It took me that long to read the whole thing even though it's only 191 pages.

this could still be considered a progress

Ten days have already passed since my birth month started. But here I am, still unable to do a daily blog post. It's actually one of the things I said I'd do since last month if I truly wanted to make any progress in any of my writings.

I was able to do so with the 27th of July as my starting point. It's only been two weeks, I know. But I'm still happy with all the progress I've made. And it's crazy! Now I've just started doing a daily update on 2 of the fanfics posted on FFN. Well, it's only been two days since I did that. So maybe I shouldn't fully celebrate fully just yet.

my thoughts as a writer

Not all writers are the same. Not all writers can achieve the aesthetic style corner for them to write on. I'm one of the lazy types to clean my writing space. But that doesn't mean I can't write in this mess. In my case, all I have to do is push through regardless of the state of my writing space.

some of the many things i want to do

Things I filmed this one particular day were just random. Yup, just trees, some flowers and me walking. But I'd like filming these particular subjects when I don't want to film my day that could be repetitive in more ways than one. This way, I can just talk about certain internal topics that sometimes, might take me a long time before I could get deeper insights and proper answers.

being productive even in the mess

It's been a while since I posted any video here. You could say I got discouraged before. But now... let me face this with a new mindset when it comes to uploading videos on Youtube. Let me do it... even when no one's watching.

Hi, everyone!

For one, I don't know what to post here. Gosh, even the blog title sounds silly. I have various plans, but I kept putting them on hold, for some reason. There's book reviews, series reviews, love letters... The last one, though, was something I just thought about as I'm writing this entry.

Cringey, if you ask me. I mean... it's been a long time since I've written a love letter to the guy I liked. Well, it was more of a confession letter than an actual love letter to someone I liked. And I sort of a trauma for writing love letters (personal ones) after that. You can already guess what happened when I had someone hand him the letter for me. It was a disaster, in my opinion. So yes, you could say I strayed away from writing letters after that. I just didn't realize it until I graduated college and got flunked on the only two jobs I ever had.

my hidden dream

I was never the person who likes being filmed. And yet on the contrary, there is this hidden part of me that wanted to be in front of the camera. It's the one that struggles to come out whenever I'd declare to myself of my small dream about becoming an actress.

But... me? As an actress? Sounds like a far-fetched dream, right? Especially at my age, and also someone who has no experience in acting at all. In my opinion, it was possibly one of the craziest ideas I'd end up thinking of about my life. About my dream, I mean.

I mean, can a shy woman ever find that courage to actually act? Yes, woman. Not girl. I'm 32 years old, turning 33 this August. And in society's opinion, it's already too late to even start aiming to be an actress.

Silent vlogs may never be a way for me to achieve that. And I don't know if anything else will, if I don't learn how to get through my shyness. For now, all I can do is learn things by myself.

I'll have to film moments... memories... events... Things that could make me realize something much more about a hidden flame waiting to burn brighter, without hiding it from the world anymore.

Messy Journal

I'm posting this since I still haven't finished writing my last update for OMOTD. And also because I want to post something here.

New Month, More Thoughts

It's a new month... and honestly, I have nothing much to write here. But this is better than writing my thoughts on Facebook. If I have to be honest, that site had become quite toxic for me. I don't know why... Or maybe I just refuse to know why. Then again, social media had become such a place lately, right? So for now, let me state my thoughts here. Not many people see this, I know. But there are some who would, whether they intend to or not.

What I did today... while learning Spanish

So, honestly... Why am I making my blog as a social media account or something? I mean, I know I could do this in Facebook. But... if I'm going to be honest, I really have this urge to delete that account already. It's a rather rash decision on my part. Or for now, that's what I think. But hey, I can still change my mind if it comes to that. Right?

Okay, back to the topic.

i don't have any reasons to hate weddings, right?

Okay. Let me clarify this for a little bit.

For a long while now, I've never really liked the idea of weddings -- at least for myself. I'm 32 years old, turning 33 this August. And to be honest, to our society (or at least what the society thinks), I've already passed the average age to get married. To their standards, maybe I did. But to my own, I don't have it in me or even the most plausible reason to get married.

Why?

My life isn't still how I wanted it to be. Maybe my introverted and shy personality could also be the factor for me being a certified NBSB, as well. Add the fact that my surroundings (or at least, the events around me that had happened over the years) changed my perception about love and relationship (even weddings) drastically. And can I also attribute it to the fact that it was my choice not to be involve in any commitment or relationship? Yes, maybe I'm the one to blame. And yes, I don't mind taking that blame for that choice.

I only realized this after my second sister got married last April 20. I can't really pinpoint the feeling at first during my first sister's wedding last November 25, 2022. All I could recall was the apathetic attitude I have about it and also the fact that I don't want to attend that wedding. I wouldn't be able to, but they still managed to convince me to do so. Weird, right? Why wouldn't I attend my sister's wedding at the time?

It was only in this recent wedding that made me fully acknowledge the answer. My perception about love, relationship, and especially weddings was destroyed because of a certain event back in 2015. I can't recall the exact date, but I know that it happened a year after I graduated college. Then adding to that was the series of rejections I got before that, back in high school. I want to remain positive even at the time, to be honest. But how can I stay positive if my surroundings have given me reasons not to like things like this anymore or even believe in any of these things that's supposed to make someone happy?

But like I said, I don't have any reason to continue hating love and weddings. At least, I'm sure of it now...

i still feel worthless... even as a 32-year-old...

I know I shouldn't be talking negatively like this about myself. But you know I can't help it, especially when a certain occasion had made me feel like this. There was no one to blame but myself and my choices, of course. In a way, I know I have to admit that to myself.

This is (currently) who I am... and I'm in the middle of working on getting out of this mentality. Even when society's dictation proved that I'm such a person by their standards.

I made my choice back then. And I'm able to stand my ground on that choice since then. It's hard, without a doubt. But I still try what I can to live everyday without regretting the choice I made. I decided to become a hardheaded daughter and choose what I want to do. It's not enough to make me live the life I want. And I'm fully aware of that.

Yet, when I made that choice, I felt... like myself in a way. It's strange, but I know that this is what I want to do. What I want to walk on to, even when I could see that the road will already be a rough one. I maybe crazy for thinking this. And maybe this is why I feel worthless since nothing much had happened since I chose this path.

But I know it'll be okay soon. Not because I believe in it, but because I'm claiming it -- one way or another...

when nature is the only thing that calms you down in a nerve-wrecking world filled with both fun and anxiety

People can still do that, right? But even so, nature has this incredible talent of making you realize a lot of things even when you can't talk to them. They can't talk to you, and yet they love to confuse you in more ways than one. I'm 32, and feeling most of the time that life might have already given up on me. And because of that, all I could do was to overthink of where my life could be heading at this rate.

But because of that, I ended up loving to watch the nature, you know. The sky... The sun... Feel the wind... Watch the trees... Even in the city where I live in which nature is something that would sometimes disappear before you know it just to make way for development. They help me realize a lot of things that bothered me. They help me downside my overthinking since I do that a lot. When people can be so annoying and irritating (that happens a lot, as well), nature -- even in the city where I live -- had helped me a lot in more ways than one. In more than one occasion.

I still love to have someone that I can talk to, that I can relate to, that I can do my best with to become the person I aim to be. But for now, nature is the one doing that to me. It doesn't help all the time. At least, I have to admit that. And yet, it's nice to know that I have something I can rely to, even for a while, just so I can make sure that my mind wouldn't feel overwhelmed by all the craziness of my own world...

when i realized that i've never become who i wanted to be... at least, not yet

At the age of 32, to some, this is a huge drawback on someone's self-esteem. Believe it or not, it made me even more insecure about myself than I've ever been. I've long held insecurity towards my sisters who had achieved at least some of the things that I never did. I achieved something what I wanted at the cost of... probably the life that I should be living if I had strived more. Worked harder. Hustle so much. Just like those people I've known before. But I also gave up midway because the pressure overwhelmed me. I cried that this is the path I took and nothing came out of it.

It was frustrating to the point of wanting to pull my hair hard. It was frustrating to the point that I've cursed (almost) my life because of my incompetence. It was frustrating for me to live my life in a routine that I badly wanted to escape from, but couldn't. All I could think of were reasons and more reason why I couldn't. Why I shouldn't do this or that.

But I still want to believe -- to claim -- that it wasn't over for me just yet. That my life is just about to start. I don't know how it will start. Maybe it already started before I realized it. Who knows. All I know is that I wanted to start believing in something that would benefit my mind in some way. It could be small. But all that matters is for me to believe that something is starting to move behind the scenes.

when i just want to use my voice somehow...

I mean, we all have that desire, right? In our own ways, we wanted to be able to have the voice to convey what we truly feel. Even when, at times, having that kind of voice leads us to more pain and suffering. I only wanted to be able to help others in my own way. And maybe someday, I'd be able to find my own voice to truly deliver the words I wanted others to know. 

Just So I Could Post Something

Yes... And I'm doing it after a long while of not doing so. It's 11:28 PM already and I haven't even written in my journal. But I think I can do that tomorrow -- if I would just recall the things I did today. My head's not functioning well right now. Or should I say, my brain.

Okay, that was a mistake on my choice of words. Sorry. 😅

Anyway, I still don't know what else to do with this blog, if I'm going to be honest. I still love writing and I also love writing my thoughts, especially those that I could never blurt out to anyone. Well, maybe not every thoughts since there are some that I would consider very private. So I still choose the topics that I'd like to talk about here.

Since I don't even post a lot in any of my SNS accounts that much, maybe I could pay attention to this. That's not even hard, right?

WRONG!

Now that it came to this, I was thinking for a while of going back to writing my book comments and series/movie reviews/thoughts. I could do a lot of them -- especially the series ones since I was able to watch an entire series lately. It's been A LONG WHILE since I last did that. I think the last one I did -- at least, writing a series review as a whole -- was when I wrote a review on "A Tale Of Thousand Stars". And the last review I did for a series in which I would write comments per episode would be about "Kishiryu Sentai Ryusoulger". And to think I've only written reviews for, maybe... 2-3 episodes? I still have to check since I'm writing here without checking my previous posts.

That's not a bad idea, right?