i'll hold on to you 78 - unexpected call

[Brent]

Huminga ako ng malalim as soon as I sat on the edge of the bed. Kararating ko lang galing sa Oceanside at nag-enroll kasama sina Mayu at Relaina. Well, kami lang pala ni Relaina dahil nagkaroon na ng sariling mundo sina Mayu at Neilson pagkakita nila sa isa’t-isa.

Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na inabisuhan ako ni Relaina sa plano nitong pagpapalit ng kurso. Kung tutuusin, hindi naman na nito kailangang gawin iyon. But she still mentioned it to me. Kung alam lang nito kung gaano kaimportante sa akin iyon. She never excluded me and kept it a secret from me.

Hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip na baguhin ang ilan sa mga schedule ko para kahit papaano ay makasama ko pa rin si Relaina sa ibang oras. Lalo na sa mga minor subjects at vacant periods. Of course, it made me happy na kahit papaano ay umaayon sa akin ang tadhana.

But I had another motive kung bakit ko naisipang gawin iyon. I had to make sure that Relaina would be okay. And most of all, out of danger.

What did you do this week that moved you closer to reaching your goals?

I've only taken a small step, and honestly, it's still not enough for me. Sure, it's still a step. But I wasn't satisfied with it. I kept on having procrastination moments that makes it hard for me to stop. I do feel ashamed of such actions and the results that came because of that. But for some weird reason, I still keep at it. Keep on dreaming about that particular scenario. Keep on visualizing it. Is it a bad idea that I end up procrastinating because of doing so?

Anyway, I still write. But at some point, I wasn't writing fiction. I kept on writing essays, my thoughts on the quotes I made up and some song lyrics that caught my attention. Sure, most of them were like futuristic, dream-like and wishful, in some sense. But they all hold some of the feelings and wishes I kept over time, especially with regards to love that I truly desire to experience. And yet, I haven't been going out much or even interacting that much for something to actually happen.

But maybe... those words I've been posting, those stories I've been sharing online, can provide a way -- whether unexpectedly or intentionally -- for a miracle like that to happen. Writing those words may, in fact, become a pathway to let me reach one of my goals.

🌺 Florence Joyce 🌺

 

i'll hold on to you 77 - enrollment plans

[Relaina]

“So ano ang pag-uusapan natin?” agad na tanong sa akin ni Brent nang marating namin ang puno ng mangga na may kalayuan sa CEA department.

In other words, ang paboritong tambayan ko. At… ang lugar kung ako hinalikan ni Brent for the second time noong gabi ng Christmas Ball.

Of all places naman, bakit dito ako naisipang dalhin ng lalaking ito? “Nang-aasar ka lang talaga, ‘no?”

“Laine, this is the only place I know na hindi tayo masusundan ng mga babaeng gusto ka nang sugurin kanina nang hilain ko ang kamay mo para makaalis tayo roon.”

i'll hold on to you 76 - change of plans

[Relaina]

Natapos na ang summer vacation. Well, technically, may ilang linggo pa ang natitira bago mag-umpisa ang bagong semester sa Oceanside. Natural, umpisa na ng enrollment period sa ganitong panahon. Iniisip ko kung magpapalit ba ako ng kursong kukunin this semester.

Pero siyempre, kung gagawin ko iyon, ibig sabihin lang ay hindi na magtutugma ang mga schedules namin ni Brent. May palagay akong mag-i-stay si Mayu sa Architecture dahil sa tatay nito at pati na rin kay Neilson. But I had a feeling na may posibilidad na magpalit ng kurso si Neilson, tulad ko. At least, iyon ay kung ibabase ko sa minsang napag-usapan namin noon ng fraternal twin brother ni Brent.

Nasabi ko na ito sa mga magulang ko may isang linggo na ang nakakaraan. Wala naman daw kaso sa kanila na magpalit ako ng kurso dahil alam naman daw nila na temporary option ko lang ang Architecture nang maisipan kong kunin ang kursong iyon. But when they learned that I was thinking of studying Journalism, bigla silang natahimik. Doon ako nagtaka.

“Grabe din ang Kuya Evon mo, ‘no? Siya pa talaga ang nag-decide na paaralin ka sa kursong ‘yan kung talagang maisipan mong mag-switch ng kurso,” komento ni Mayu na pumutol sa pag-iisip ko.

i'll hold on to you 75 - in revealing the reason

[Relaina]

Things between us proceeded well after that. Or at least, iyon ang naiisip kong nangyayari sa pagitan namin ni Brent. Hindi ko na siya tinanong pa tungkol sa panaginip nito. At hindi naman na ito kumikilos na para bang malalim ang iniisip nito at wala sa sarili. Then again, looks and sometimes actions could be deceiving. Kaya hindi pa rin nawawala sa akin na obserbahan ito kapag may oras ako.

Of course, I had to make sure he didn’t notice me observing him. Gagamitin kasi nito iyon na pang-asar at pangtukso sa akin. Marunong naman akong gumanti ng sagot dito kapag nalaman nga nito iyon. Pero masakit sa ulo ang mag-isip ng isasagot kung minsan.

Kaya mas mabuti pang gawin ko na lang na discreet ang ginagawa kong pag-obserba sa lalaking iyon.

“Wala ka na naman sa sarili mo.”

Since the angel-themed story I submitted a long time ago was finally approved (late news, sorry), I ended up actually expanding the story of the Angel Knights mentioned in that story into a series. Yes, I know I'm putting more pressure on myself by adding another series to write. But I don't want to lose the idea just yet. Well, from the submitted story, Aithen and Neriah had made an appearance and both were introduced as Maxiel's friends. But there were other Angel Knights, as well, who were close to Maxiel and were very dedicated to their duty as the Angel Knights on Earth.

After A Celebration Comes This...

Okay. This just came as a bit of a shock for me. I only learned the news due to a post of a Facebook friend. But December 1st? Seriously? That early? Why is that? I maybe complaining nonsense here, but it's still unfair. She was still young to leave this world.

I've always wondered why Mana left the later parts of Ryusoulger when it was still airing. Sure, I knew there were issues (not bad ones, I hoped at the time). But never did it come to me that it was because of an illness. Though I'm curious as to what illness had exactly contributed to her death, I'm quite sure the pandemic had nothing to do with it. Or maybe that's just me thinking. Who knows what really happened. It's quite admirable that she still did her best in her career even though she was dealing with such predicament.

Even through this, I still want to extend my condolences to her friends and family. I know many people loved her so much.

I know I shouldn't be talking about this here. But since I made her one of my visual inspirations in a planned fantasy story that I have inspired by an old story I wrote a long time ago based on Encantadia, because of this news, I intend to change her as a visual inspiration. I tend to do this as a sign of respect, similar to what I've already done before when an actor/actress died or left the entertainment industry. This is going to be the fifth time I'm doing this.

Wherever you are, 金城茉奈さん, I hope you're happy and in a better place now. No more sufferings. 😣😭⤵︎

【personal thoughts】생일 축하 합니다, 김석진씨!

This will be the first for me. At least on the part of greeting a Korean celebrity on his/her birthday on any of my social media accounts, let alone my blog. But as they say, there's a first time for everything. So here I am.

Happy birthday to my BTS bias, Kim Seokjin!

I know, I'm not much of a fan of K-Pop. But I do listen to some of their songs, and it was because of my youngest sister who introduced this group to me. Jin was the very first that I noticed among the member, so I guess you could say he stood out a lot for me. Funny thing, though, I only noticed that Jin and my sister Des were born on the same month and year ー just different dates. Knowing that, it would definitely be easier for me to recall his birthday. 😁✨

I hope you have a great birthday today, in spite of the pandemic. Do take care of yourself. And I'm pretty sure you haven't shown at least majority of your true self to other people. But the are people who still cares for you, so don't lose hopeand keep having faith in life. I know you won't be able to read this. Even with that knowledge, please know that a lot of people loves you, and not your family, friends, and ARMY. Thank you for being born in this world and doing your best to become an inspiration to many.

Along with this celebration, this day happens to be another first time for us. This is the first time in (I guess) five years that we have  Christmas decorations in our house. I don't want to delve deeper into the reason as to why we didn't put up decorations in that long. But some of those reasons had something to do with growing up and also my parents' separation back then.

Things had changed over time, I guess. And I'm glad that these changes are happening even with the current world situation. 😌💗

【personal thoughts】お誕生日おめでとうございます、尾碕真花さん!

Okay. I know I haven't done something like this in quite a long while. But only because I usually ran out of things to type here whenever I would try to greet someone when it was their birthday, especially if it is a celebrity. I intend to change that, though. So I'm starting today, during the birthday of Asuna/Ryusoul Pink's actress, Osaki Ichika.

I really like her character in Ryusoulger, prompting me to follow her both in Instagram and Twitter. I even turned on the notifications for her posts.

This might not be much, but I do hope you have a great day today. You might not understand what I'm writing here. But know that I like you as an actress and I can see that you're doing your best in your chosen career. I have faith that you can do a lot more, as long as you do your best. Thank you for protraying Asuna and becoming one of the actresses that I follow on social media. Here's me, wishing you a happy birthday once again and that you have a wonderful time on your special day, regardless of the pandemic still raging about.

お誕生日おめでとうございます！ 👑✨🎂🎈🎁🎉

i'll hold on to you 74 - a matter of having faith

[Relaina]

Sa huli, hindi ko rin nagawang kumbinsihin si Brent na sabihin sa akin ang gumugulo sa utak nito. Pero siguro, sapat na sa akin ang itinanong nito sa akin bilang sagot sa tanong ko. Ang consolation ko na lang siguro ay mukhang hindi na masyadong nag-aalala ang lalaking ito.

Wait… Was that supposed to be the term? Hindi lang pag-aalala ang nakikita ko sa mga mata nito. Naroon rin ang takot. Possibly the rare times that I'd ever seen in Brent's eyes. At hindi na ako nagtaka nang maramdaman kong parang piniga ang puso ko nang makita ko ang takot na iyon.

"Ikaw naman ngayon ang hindi nagsasalita. Napapaisip ka na rin ba sa mga sinabi ko sa 'yo?"

Napatingin ako kay Brent nang sabihin nito iyon, dahilan upang bumalik sa realidad ang isip ko. Nginitian ko lang ito, pero alam kong hindi umabot sa mga mata ko ang ngiti kong iyon.

Story Scenario: Hatsue and Ralnor

Hatsue: I don't know why I once believed that I wasn't meant for something great. But this world had shown me so much more of what I'm capable of doing, with or without magic...

Ralnor: I wish I could've seen the same thing as you do in this world where I was born and raised. That way, I would've discovered my real destiny a long time ago, before doing something irreversible...

***

At this point of the conversation between Hatsue (Osaki Ichika) and the Cloudbreakers' leader Ralnor (Kizu Takumi), it appeared that the war had escalated in a way that truly forced each of the warriors to realize what exactly was their destiny in order to liberate the entire Cloud Dimension.

Story Scenario: Miho and Zelross

Miho: I can't believe you have that kind of faith in us who wasn't even born and raised in this world that we can be of help to you to end this long war...

Zelross: The determination and faith I saw in your eyes makes me so sure that you can do it and you will let nothing gets in your way of achieving it...

***

Forming the Cloudbreakers team was just the first step for the dragon-like director and leader of the agency to put an end to the senseless war that terrorized the dimension for so long. But knowing that the legend of the Daughters of Light has come to life and meeting Miho (Okuyama Kazusa) in the process of finalizing his plan, he knew that having faith after all this time has always been worth it.

Story Scenario: Corym and Hatsue

Hatsue: Nothing is ever going to end if you truly decide to die. Not this war and not even your sufferings all this time...

Corym: For a young girl such as yourself, living is still a far-fetched dream. And yet here you are, fighting for this war for us to truly live...

***

For a long time, Corym (Minami Keisuke) was only doing his best to live in order to figure out what really happened to his fallen comrades at the time of the first war. Having a long life since then felt like a curse to him. So the arrival of the Daughters of Light and meeting one of them, who happened to be Hatsue (Osaki Ichika), his perception about life and the way it was supposed to be lived was starting to change before he could even realized it.

Story Scenario: Arun and Miho

Arun: You don't realize how much your presence means to someone like me who was starting to lose hope that this world could even be liberated...

Miho: The most important thing for you to do right now is to protect what's left of the ember of hope still lingering in your heart. Just continue having faith...

***

For someone like Arun (Yamazaki Taiki) who grew up seeing nothing but the war that took his father away from him, having hope and faith on the fate of his own world to ever change is something akin to a miracle. But just like what he said to Miho (Okuyama Kazusa), the presence of someone from a legend is enough to lit up the long gone cold flame of hope in his heart that something can still change.

Story Scenario: Horith and Hatsue

Hatsue: For a robot Power Caster, your creator sure have instilled you with the kind of belief that even normal people like me are having a hard time putting in their hearts in the tough times...

Horith: That's because my creator didn't restrict me from realizing what justice is, especially in this war-torn world that us Power Casters here should've been watching over...

***

Hatsue (Osaki Ichika) encountered the bull robot Horith while on a mission-like test alone. Well, she didn't mean to be separated with Miho at this point. It was just that someone was truly trying to separate the Daughters of Light from each other. Then again, even while alone, with Horith's guidance and presence, something told her that distance doesn't mean anything to people who truly knew their worth with hearts that believed in each other.

Story Scenario: Raimos and Miho

Miho: We're not suppose to be the one who has to deal with this war at all. And yet you keep on saying that this light we have in us will never choose you at all?

Raimos: That's because the war that you're

witnessing right now is the reason why the hearts and judgment of the Power Casters in this world became clouded, thus blocking what's left of our chances to even be chosen to possess such incredible power in

us...

***

The other person that greeted the Daughters of Light on their first arrival in the Cloud Dimension together with Aznos was Raimos (Inaba Yuu) who had been wandering the world to search for the truth about the legend of the Daughters of Light. Logical as she tried to be, Miho (Okuyama Kazusa), at this point, couldn't help questioning the credibility of their presence as the chosen saviors of the Cloud Dimension together with Hatsue. To her surprise, though, the answer she got from one of the Power Casters she encountered turned out to be something that made her start to question her true heritage, as well.

Story Scenario: Aznos and Hatsue

Hatsue: Why do we have to fight like this only to lose more people when we can't even ensure the victory we needed to attain the peace you've always wanted?

Aznos: Now you know the treacherous war that we've endured for so long and the desperate attempts we did just to end all of this. Enough is enough...

***

Aznos (Suzuki Shogo) was one of the two Power Casters who made sure the two Daughters of Light arrived safely at the Cloudbreakers' headquarters. But this point of their conversation appeared to have taken place at the time of their battle when someone close to them or someone they knew was killed. Hatsue (Osaki Ichika), who wasn't used to such violence, couldn't help being emotional at the knowledge of it all.

Story Scenario: Miho and Hatsue

Miho: I'm not like those people who would choose to leave someone behind when something isn't going in their favor. We're the Daughters of Light, remember?

Hatsue: Our duty according to the prophecy isn't something that can be done by one person. We made a promise that we'll help them end this war once and for all...

****

Finally! It's time for the two Daughters of Light Miho (Okuyama Kazusa) and Hatsue (Osaki Ichika) to have their scenarios featured. This will be the first of the many. In this case, they appeared to be talking to someone or to each other about their realization when it comes to the war that they didn't really expect to encounter in the Cloud Dimension. They made their choice here, and had done it with such conviction.

【Book Comment】 "The House With A Clock In Its Walls" by John Bellairs

Okay. Maybe I ended up a bit disappointed about the turn out of the story in this book. But hey, I guess I also ended up forgetting this book is a YA story. So sorry for that.

With that in place, let me tell you what I thought about this book after reading it. I actually learned that this book existed after seeing a trailer of the movie version of it. Maybe that's one reason why I expected a lot on the book version. I tried to find a copy of this and luckily, I got to buy a book of it at a cheaper price. But that was a long while ago, before the pandemic started. I also learned that this book is part of a series and now I made it my task to look for physical copies of them.

It wasn't as scary as I initially thought it would, regardless of the ghost thing that appeared in the book. I could relate to it in a way since there was an issue of trying to fit in or have some friends in a new environment and when you thought you did with the help of one person who we wanted to be our true friend, it didn't pan out as we thought it would. Well, the magic thing did filter out who was meant to stay and accept something that was already a part of Lewis' life. Having a weird uncle wasn't easy, but it was beautiful of Lewis to accept the true nature of his uncle. Their neighbor, who happened to have the same given name as mine, made it quite enjoyable for Lewis. At least, that's how it looked like to me.

There were two things that made me a little disappointed about the story, though. One, it's the clock itself. And second, the rather bland ending. I don't know why I fet such disappointment. Or maybe I expected too much?

In any case, that's all I can rake out of from my mind about this book. It's rather cold out here where I live due to storm surge, so it was a little hard for me to concentrate without thinking how cold it is here. Anyway, I'm not sure when would I be able to read the next adventure of Lewis Barnavelt. But I'll post my comment about that as soon as I'm done reading it. Let's make it a habit, shall we?

Something you always think "what if" about.

🔹 What if I was as aggressive as my sister when it comes to what I intend to do?

🔹 What if I was as mature as that of my sister?

🔹 What if I would meet someone that would eventually change my life for the better, no matter how unexpected -- at least career-wise?

🔹 What if I believed in myself more that I can be a successful published author and writer, maybe similar to Cassandra Clare or Rick Riordan?

🔹 What if the stories I wrote and posted online would lead me to something unexpected in the world of writing?

🔹 What if I took the chance to accept that guy's affection, even though I truly had no idea about it at all?

🔹 What if I did intend to become a scriptwriter and an actress, even though it's truly unexpected for me to dream of being the latter one at my age now?

Honestly, I have a lot of "what if's". But for now, these are the main ones that would constantly create a loop in my head.

🌺 Florence Joyce 🌺

【Book Comment】 Mister Monday (Keys To The Kingdom # 1) by Garth Nix

A long, overdue review.

That's all I can tell about this post. I mean, I know I was already done reading this first book at the start of the year ー or maybe even last year. Wait, I still need to recall the exact date. Maybe I'll read back on my journal to do that.

Anyway, so yes, this is seriously a long overdue. So my book comment could be a little vague. Who knows?

I love the adventures that Arthur went through in the House. I mean, they are pretty amazing (not to mention dangerous for his age) for him to go through that and survive, considering his condition. I could clearly see in my head the description of the creatures belonging to that realm. They are scary ー and should I say disgusting? ー so I'm not wondering why they're not in the Human World.

It's the frog (turned out to be the Will) that really gets on my nerves sometimes that at some point, I wanted to throw him and drown him. Suzy's fine by me. I like her, honestly. She was fun. Dusk really came off different to me, even at the start of his appearance. So I wasn't surprised when he did what he did to help Arthur during his fight with Mister Monday.

But the one particular scene that really gets to me was Arthur's encounter with the Old One and hearing that entity's story as to why he was chained there and continued to suffer for a long time. I don't know, but I think that was the best part for me.

Anyway, a lot more can happen as I was only on the first book of the series. I'm not sure when would I be able to read the rest of the books within the series. But I'll make sure to write a review of it (or should I say book comment) as soon as Im done reading.

i'll hold on to you 73 - your safe place

[Relaina]

Hindi ko alam kung dapat ko bang ikainis o ikatuwa ang inaakto ni Kamoteng Brent ngayong araw na ito. Then again, hindi ito ang unang beses na napansin kong may kakaiba sa ikinikilos ng lalaking ito. Mula nang gumaling ako may isang linggo na rin ang nakakaraan, wala na itong ginawa kundi ang araw-araw akong puntahan dito sa bahay namin.

And I have to say, it was a little inconvenient for him. Not to mention, way too distracting for me. Pakisabi nga sa akin. Kailan pa naging charming at appealing sa mga mata ko ang stressed, worried, at slightly overprotective na Brent Allen Montreal, ha?

Lumala na ba ang sitwasyon para sa akin, ha? Did I have the need to be so worried for my heart now? Umabot na ba ako sa puntong iniiwasan ko mula nang magpahayag ang lokong ito ng gusto nitong mangyari raw para sa aming dalawa?

"Laine!"

【about writing】Titles For "Chronicles Of The Roses" Series

*italics - currently writing
*italics with underline - done writing

First Generation:

1. I Won't Ever Leave You (Alexis Cervantes)
2. My Destiny From A Dream (Elena dela Vega)
3. Just One Chance (Kevin dela Vega)
4. Until You Learn To Love Me (Nathan Cervantes)
5. You And Me This Time Forever (Cecille Cervantes)
6. All That Heaven Allows (Joel dela Vega)
7. Too Good To Be True (Aaron dela Vega)
8. Those Hands I've Held Onto (Cheska Cervantes)
9. Waiting For Someone Like You (Joaquin Cervantes)
10. In The End, It's Still You (Fate Cervantes)

Second Generation:

1. Wishing For A Fairytale (Aldrich dela Vega-Cervantes)
2. Even If It Takes A Lifetime (Gabriel dela Vega-Cervantes)
3. Will there Be A Second Chance? (Daryll dela Vega-Valencia)
4. A Minute I Want To Last (Keith dela Vega)
5. To The One I'm Waiting For (Jianne Fatima dela Vega)
6. Two Hearts' Wish (Cherisse Angeline dela Vega)
7. Let Me Stay With You (Vladimir dela Vega-Cervantes)
8. Until We Meet Again (Vivianne Cervantes-Mercado)
9. Even If It Hurts (Celina Andrea Cervantes-Mercado)
10. I Would Definitely Find You (Ivan Christopher dela Vega)
11. After The Rain (Clyde dela Vega)
12. Will It Only Be A Dream? (Cedric Matthew dela Vega)
13. How Could I Forget You? (Dricsler dela Vega)
14. The Miracle Of Loving You (Lacey Grace dela Vega)
15. Heal My Wounded Heart (Gerald Brent dela Vega)
16. I Need You Back (Lucille Cervantes-de Cortez)
17. Can We Still Make It? (Novellina Cervantes-de Cortez)
18. Love Beneath The Night Sky (Garnet Cervantes)
19. A Lost Heart's Unbreakable Oath (Allen Anthony Cervantes-Olivarez)
20. Like The One I'm Wishing For (Jerique Alexander Cervantes-Olivarez)
21. Only Reminds Me Of You (Vincent Cervantes-Mercado)
22. To The One I Love (Samantha dela Vega-Cervantes)
23. The Key To Your Heart (Faith Nicole dela Vega)
24. A Lifetime Search For You (Carlos Armand Cervantes-Olivarez)
25. A Flight To Yesterday's Love (Deici Erica dela Vega)
26. Another One Like You (Charity dela Vega-Valencia)
27. Even If I Die (Julianna dela Vega-Cervantes)
28. Till The Sunset, Till My Last Breath (Francis Paul Cervantes-de Cortez)
29. A Reason To Stay With You (Luke Cervantes)
30. Where I Truly Belong (Cyrus dela Vega-Cervantes)
31. A Path Through Your Heart (Ericson dela Vega-Cervantes)
32. Another Chance To Love You (Zander Cervantes-de Cortez)
33. The Second Time (Drazen Cervantes)
34. From The Start (Kyaro Maree Cervantes-de Cortez)
35. Don't Run From Love (Froilan dela Vega)
36. For All That It's Worth (Jett Cervantes)
37. The Shadow Of My Heart (Sherwin dela Vega)
38. An Unfulfilled Promise (Aldine James Cervantes-Mercado)
39. Never Let Love Fade (Althea Cecilia Cervantes-de Cortez)
40. Longer Than Forever (Olivia dela Vega)
41. All I Ask Is You (Aleacera dela Vega)
42. The Touch Of Love (Arwin dela Vega-Valencia)
43. The Brightest Star In The Sky (Katherine Heidi Cervantes-Olivarez)
44. Once Again, I Love You (Alyssandra dela Vega-Cervantes)
45. The Rainbow That Touches My Life (Jeremy Aeron Cervantes-Mercado)
46. Tale Of A Kiss (Suzanne Cervantes)
47. Love's Eternal River (Rena dela Vega-Valencia)
48. Kiss Of The Storms (Iara Yuiko Cervantes-Olivarez)
49. The Will Of Time (Richard Cervantes)
50. Even If You Love Someone (Crystal Jane dela Vega)
    

i'll hold on to you 72 - nightmare

[Brent]

Kauuwi ko lang galing kina Relaina. Inabot din ako ng gabi bago ako nakauwi dahil nga sinabi ko rito na babantayan ko ito hanggang sa makatulog ito. And watched her, I did. Napangiti na lang ako nang maalala ko kung paano ko titigan ang mahimbing nitong itsura. Kahit may sakit ito ay hindi iyon nakabawas sa ganda nito.

But it would still hurt me to see her suffering like that. Oo nga't sinisinat na lang ito. Dagdag na pahinga pa at gagaling na ito. Alam ko iyon. Pero malaking bahagi ng sarili ko ang hindi talaga mapakali na nakikita itong may sakit.

And I couldn't help wondering... if she had ever thought the same way as I did nang magkasakit ako noon at binantayan ako nito.

My mind went back to that rainy day that Relaina had promised that she would stay by my side, if it would help me forget my revenge against the people who drove Vanz to his death a long time ago. Hindi nito alam kung paano nito pinakalma ang patuloy na nagagalit kong puso dahil sa trahedyang iyon. She had no idea what that promise had done to me.

i'll hold on to you 71 - taking care of you

[Relaina]

Not all days have been the best for me. Isa na ang araw na 'to sa mga iyon. Or at least, iyon ang gusto kong isipin. At the moment, I still didn't feel good. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Okay naman na ako kahapon, eh. Kaya nga akala ko, magiging okay na ako ngayon at mawawala na ang lagnat.

Well, I was wrong. And to think bibisita ngayong araw na 'to si Brent dito sa bahay. Paano kaya ako haharap sa lalaking iyon na ganito ako? Mag-aalala na naman iyon.

But it was too late to think of what to do to escape that, though. Wala na akong magagawa kundi ang salubungin si Brent na ganito ang sitwasyon ko. Hopefully ay hindi ko naman ito mahawahan. Ang dali pa man ding mahawa ng lalaking iyon.

I tried to sit up on my bed and look outside the window. Pakunsuwelo na lang siguro sa sitwasyon ko ng mga sandaling iyon ang magandang panahon sa labas ng bahay. Nakakalungkot lang na buong araw na naman ako rito sa bahay.

(one-shot) Stay By My Side

The sky continued to give off that ominous vibe that he started feeling as soon as Stephen stepped out of the mansion. Pero kahit ganoon ang pakiramdam niya, iyon lang ang gabay niya sa mga sandaling iyon para malaman kung nasaan si Maxiel. Mukhang ang mga katulad lang niyang may taglay na kapangyarihan ang nakakakita ng nagaganap na kababalaghan sa kalangitan.

Tama nga si Neriah—ang babaeng Angel Knight na nagsabi sa kanya ng tungkol sa gustong gawin ni Maxiel—sa sinabi nito sa kanya. Pero sapat din na rason iyon para lumala ang kabang nararamdaman niya. He wasn't someone who would always feel nervous like this, even while he was dealing with his own set of battles.

Pero siguro nga, kapag ang taong mahal mo ang dahilan, kahit ang pinakakalmadong nilalang ay makakaramdam ng 'di maipaliwanag na takot at kaba. Iyon ang minsang sinabi ni Francis sa kanya nang minsang tanungin niya ito kung bakit handa itong gawin ang lahat para sa kapakanan ng nobya nitong si Ilsie, lalo na nang hindi iilang beses na nalagay ang dalaga sa kapahamakan.

50 Random Facts About Me

This was actually an old list of this topic that I found while going through some old notes that I have when I was in college. I was looking for old story drafts that I think I can use (or at least, I intend to) to write something new under a different pseudonym besides dreamcoloredgift on Wattpad. I'm also debating whether or not I should create a new Wattpad account just for that new pseudonym.

Anyway, here's the list that I have about me. I might put up a part two of this one since a lot had happened since the last time I wrote this list. Let's go! 😄✌️

10 famous lines from books/movies I love (give explanation for each)

I guess it would do me better if I start doing this again. But hey, I want to fill this journal with more sensible ー if not, a little deeper ー topics to write about. Anything to divert my mind just a little bit about that scary (at least scarily accurate on my part) prediction about a certain person that resonated with me in a lot of ways. Maybe with this, I can do something to clear my mind a bit.

Here goes:

Sorry, I've Been Busy 😆✌️

Okay. The emojis might appear like I'm joking or something. But hey, I've definitely been busy... thinking of a new story plot. Or maybe a new story idea that I'd love to implement right away, but I'm still contemplating on that since I have a few more pending stories to consider finishing first before anything else.

I've started listening to subliminals again. But this time, I'm only going to focus on listening to 6 plus boosters, as well. And then there's some reiki sessions, too. They do help me relax before going to sleep, so I guess it's not a bad idea at all.

I'm still thinking if I should post the entries I have in my dream journal here, as well. But as I stated in my personal journal, my dream journal feels like a separate entity on its own. Joining it with my personal journal or posting it here in my blog would mean defiling it in some way. I don't know why, but it felt that way to me.

i'll hold on to you 70 - night time call

[Relaina]

I needed some fresh air. Kaya nandito ako sa labas ng kuwarto ko sa mga sandaling iyon. To be specific, I was on my bedroom's veranda. Natapos ko nang kainin ang mga prutas na inihain ni Mayu sa akin. Nakainom na rin ako ng gamot kaya hinihintay ko na lang na umepekto iyon. And at the same time, hinihintay ko lang na patulugin ako n'on.

Ang alam ko ay nasa isa sa dalawang guest rooms si Mayu para makapagpahinga na rin. At alam ko na tatawagan nito si Neilson dahil nga hindi natuloy ang date ng dalawang iyon dahil sa akin. Gustuhin ko mang tuksuhin ang pinsan ko sa pagiging malapit nito nang husto kay Neilson ay hindi ko na lang ginawa. Bukod sa wala ako sa mood na gawin iyon, may iba akong pinag-iisipang gawin.

That was when I looked at my cell phone. Ang totoo ay ilang sandali ko nang pinag-iisipang tawagan si Brent. Tutal, nasabi naman na ni Mayu kay Neilson ang sitwasyon ko na naging daan para malaman na rin ni Brent. I might as well do something para kahit papaano ay mapanatag ang kalooban nito.

I really had the strong urge to do that. And yet… ano'ng nangyayari sa akin at parang nag-aalangan pa yata akong tawagan ang lokong iyon? Kung umakto naman ako, para bang ang laki ng kasalanan ko rito. Or maybe I was just anxious dahil ilang araw na rin kaming hindi nagkita't nagkausap.

i'll hold on to you 69 - not letting you know

[Relaina]

Oo nga't mahaba-haba naman kahit papaano ang tulog ko. Pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit pakiramdam ko ay hinang-hina ako. Wala naman akong maalalang pinagod ko ang sarili ko. Pinilit na nga lang ako ni Mayu na magpahinga kaagad pagkatapos kong kumain.

I sighed as I tried to get up dahil kailangan kong pumunta ng banyo. Pero sa ginawa kong iyon ay naramdaman ko ang biglang pagsigid ng sakit sa ulo ko. Why did this have to feel like I had a hangover or something? Sobra ko na bang pinagod ang sarili ko at mukhang lalo pa yatang lumalala ang sakit ko kahit na nakapagpahinga na ako?

"Aina! Okay ka lang? Bakit ka naman tumayo?"

Napaangat ako ng tingin pagkarinig ko sa boses ni Mayu na hindi ko man lang namalayang nakapasok na pala ng kuwarto ko.

What character traits do you need to work on?

Setting my mind onto something and actually doing it. Over the years, this is something I actually struggled with. I know what I want to do. The main problem is the determination to put that intention into action. Why can't I do things the way I'd do them back then, when I was still in high school and college? What is it with adulthood that changed my determination to that of a slowly dissipating flame? Honestly, I can't help hating myself for that. Even though I know that it's a bad idea to hate myself for something that I'm slowly losing, I just couldn't stop. I badly intend to fight for it. But each time I try, there's a part of my mind that would just put me down on my knees and slowly lose hope.

I really need to put a stop to these negativity, before it could truly destroy me. I intend to seek the determination that would truly propel me to fight and reach for my true dreams.

🌺 Florence Joyce 🌺

List of Characters for "The Last Sky Of The Earth"

I made a list so that the readers of this story know who the characters that will appear here. It’s too long, by the way, just to warn you. Not really detailed. It's enough to give you an idea of who the characters are. I'll update this entry from time to time when I think of adding more info or characters. You might be wondering why I used various visual inspirations from Japanese, Korean, Chinese and Thai celebrities. Well, I'm more familiar with them, actually. So regardless of the nationality of the visuals I used, I still gave them Japanese names as my story actually focused on Japanese characters.

Here you go!

Do you have any trauma that you never heal from?

This is s a little hard to think about for me. I do recall getting spanked (or beaten should be the right word) by my paternal grandmother when I was a kid. But I got over it. I think the one I'd consider the trauma that I couldn't get myself out of would be my parents' separation and getting rejected by the guy I liked, complete with him tearing the love letter I wrote for him.

Both events had put me recently (or should I say, for a long time) in a place in which I couldn't even put myself out there to find the person I'm meant to be with and love in the long run. In me, there was a voice nagging that I'm not enough to even be with anyone at all. That I'm not meant for someone to love unconditionally and wholeheartedly.

It was around 2015 when my parents finally called it quits because it was hopeless for any of them to settle their differences. Not only that, it really hurts me so much for my father to not even support me in my writing endeavors. It scared me to an extent that I would meet a guy who wouldn't dare support my dreams and my journey to find the better version of myself ー the one I should've done a long time ago.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Last time you wanted to say something but didn't, why?

The only reason I could think of as to why I didn't say anything was because I was anxious of the possible results. It was as if my mind had already conjured the results long before they even happened. And most of the time, I saw negative results floating in my mind. A lot of negative words would echo in my mind, as well, no matter what I do to prevent them from completely invading it. And I guess you could add the fact that I was afraid of, basically, everything about that person. No matter how nice or how down-toned I say the words, that person wouldn't let it go. Or at least, won't let the faults from the past go.

I know, at this point, my explanation doesn't make any sense. But to simply put, I still couldn't get over or get pass through whatever fear was lingering in me. And it has been the main reason why I regret not saying the things that I needed to say, words that could've made someone stay in my life.

🌺 Florence Joyce 🌺

I'll Hold On To You 68 - What I Can Do For Now

[Brent]

Hindi na sana ako madedesisyong magpahinga muna dahil ilang araw na rin akong walang tigil sa paglabas ng bahay nitong mga nakalipas na araw. Pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kanina pa ako hindi mapakali. I wasn't sure what I should be worried about, to be honest. Pero hindi ko maitatanggi na sa isang bahagi ng puso ko, may pag-aalala akong nararamdaman.

Has this ever happened before? I had gut feelings that hadn't failed me most of the time. Honestly, the worry that kept on creeping since this morning never left me. Could this be another of that gut feeling? Pero para saan? Para kanino?

That was when I recalled that I haven't visited Relaina since yesterday. Para kaya sa babaeng iyon ang pag-aalalang nararamdaman ko sa mga sandaling iyon? But what could possibly happen to her for me to feel that way? Sa pagkakaalam ko, nasa kabilang bayan pa rin ang mga magulang nito. Ang tanging kasama lang nito sa bahay ay si Mayu.

Of course, it wasn't like I could just ask that young woman about Relaina so casually. Hindi na naman ako titigilan ng babaeng iyon ng pang-aasar. Kaya nga nagkakasundo ito at si Neilson, eh. It was a crazy thing dealing with their shenanigans whenever those two were together.

How is it for you to forgive those who have caused you pain?

It's not an easy thing to do, honestly speaking. They did put a scar in my heart that, I felt, even time couldn't heal. Then again, I realized that if I keep thinking about it in such an ill manner and let it affect me, then yes. Time wouldn't let it heal.

Forgiving may not be easy for me. But as I grow up, refusal to give forgiveness to those people who made me feel this pain is what's stopping me from truly growing.

Forgiving is not easy, but I realized that it's a must if I truly intend to do more in my life. Forgiving is, perhaps, one of the most important ways for me to discover what I should have a long time ago.

I still couldn't figure out a way to forgive those people, even if they were only a few. But I know I have to do so. But the most important person I should forgive is my loathing and ever doubtful self. Forgiving myself for all the mistakes and wrong choices I ever did in my life has proven itself to be the hardest of all. I made the wrong turn in my life, I know. And I have acknowledged that for a long time now. Yet even with that acknowledgement, how come I'm still stuck in this life? The self-blaming came in soon after that, and it's seriously making me crazy.

So, yeah. I guess the biggest challenge for me at the moment is to forgive myself that was left destroyed for all that I did and finally learn to start over and live a brand new life far from all that had happened in the past.

Fighting!

🌺 Florence Joyce 🌺

Last time you were put in the center of spotlight, what happened then?

I was nervous as heck. I'm pretty sure that was what happened. But I guess I'm quite good at not showing it. I tried to be composed and calm about it. But if I'm going to be honest, it was nerve wrecking inside that I wasn't even sure if I was doing the right thing or not. Facing a lot of people on stage or just in front of them would always make me feel nauseous. It is indeed scary. But each time, I'm doing my best to fight it down so it won't distract me or make me stop doing what I was supposed to do.

After all that, I would recount the feelings while I'm alone. Make me retrace the things I did and those that I shouldn't have done. It's not all the time that one should remain in the audience, hidden by the darkness, acting like a shadow. At some point, I did realize that being put in the center of the spotlight would let you experience new things. Good or bad, what matters is that you learned something from it. At least, I did learn something from all those times I stood in front of so many people and do something. It was a crazy feeling, but I did realize that out of all the stages and audiences I stood up on and faced, respectively, one thing I have to do is to be the brave person I've always aimed to be.

The last time I was put in the center of the spotlight, a different, braver me appeared. And I'd love it if I can be that person once again ー for a long time.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What does success mean to you?

Honestly, this pageant-like question I'm getting as a journal prompt of the day is enough to wreck my brain as I rake answers for it. In this case, I think I'll answer it in a way that I envision it in my life's current state.

For me, success can be equal to satisfaction. Regardless of what I should do to achieve this (in a good way, of course) being satisfied and fulfilled with all I have achieved is one means of success. It could be a fulfilling career, having amazing and supportive friends, happy family of my own (if ever I'd be able to have one), recognition for all the hard work I've done over the years... There are a lot of things that can define success for me.

Even with all of that, success for me would be something that can truly inspire someone or somebody to strive harder, live fuller, and believe earnestly that life still has its rainbows and gold pots at the end of the hard journey. Success for me is something I want to use to stop depressed people from resorting to suicide as an escape to the world's harsh realities. Over the years, I've been affected by any news related to suicide. I couldn't help wondering what could I have done to help that person live his life again and overcome that depressed state.

I want success (my success) as a way to inspire them to live truly.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Love was made of joy

Dear Sunrise,

It's a lovely day to feel loved, don't you think? And I think it should be that way, considering that even though we're far from each other at the moment, I can still feel you here with me. Right here in my heart. I may be alone at the moment, and at times I do feel alone even with the presence of my family beside me. But I have faith. At least, I feel that I should have faith.

Faith that we'll be seeing each other -- finally...

Faith that we'll love each other better than how we were imagining it in our heads...

Faith that we'll get through all this low self-esteem and lack of confidence moments that we could be going through...

Faith that this love we believe has always been meant for us to share and live through will bring us insurmountable joy one day...

Yes, let's both have faith that it will happen. It is going to happen. It is happening. The love we both dreamed of to become reality will come knocking in front of us before we can even realize it. And that joy brought about by the love we feel for each other will sweep over us and embrace us warmly like no other feeling have ever done to us.

Just have faith, my love...

Still believing,
Florence Joyce

A letter to someone you barely knew who has impacted you in some way.

To the Tarot Readers I subscribed on Youtube,

There are quite a few of you on my Youtube subscription list. But even so, I am so glad I did. For a long while now, I've been asking for something that will become a way for me to open my eyes to a lot of things. To be specific, to something I want to do in life. Wait, let me rephrase that. You guys became a way for me to learn about what I'm destined to do in life. If I'm going to be honest, I still have a long way to go in that department. I still have a lot to realize and to learn so I could discover the truth. I still have an ongoing battle in my mind for me to actually know what my soul is truly calling me for to do. I'm already 29, and clueless as heck. But thanks to you, guys (or girls since all of those I subscribed were females), I'm slowly getting there. I just have to win this big battle so I can finally pursue what I was intended to be and to do all this time.

So thank you. 😄

Your subscriber,

Florence Joyce

Open/read when: When we haven't talked in a while.

Dear Sunrise,

We surely didn't talk for a while. And I mean a long while. In my dreams, I'm pretty sure we did. But it's possible that I couldn't recall them at all. I could have dreams in which I talked to you a lot of times. But recalling them have been the hardest task of all.

I don't want to feel disappointed. I don't like feeling in despair. But at some point, I couldn't help it. I do want to talk to you. I do love to be with you and laugh and enjoy each other's company -- just as we've always wanted to feel when you and I will finally cross paths and meet.

Right now, I couldn't do anything. At the moment, all I can do is to earnestly believe that a magic can happen. Let this letter reach you one day when you have no one to talk to. Let this letter make you realize the truth that you seek. Let this letter form a thread that will connect us together even if we're apart at the moment. Allow this letter to let your heart feel the words of love and admiration that I'm sure can help you go through whatever challenges you're facing right now.

Let this letter reach you and one day, we'll reach each other and talk about each other nonstop -- finally cherishing the feeling of being together at last after all that.

With love,
Florence Joyce

5 Unforgettable Moments

Man, I guess I really need to rake my mind about this. I mean, I do recall some. But I'm a little unsure if I could actually recall 5. They should be unforgettable, but events in my life made me unable to let them remain in my mind for longer than I needed to.

Anyway, here we go:

1. When "Charming A Silent Heart" was finally approved for publishing. This is, in fact, my very first approved manuscript ever since I ventured into the writing and publishing world.
2. When "Mirui's Hyacinth: Smile At Me" was approved on PHR for the first time with no revision at all. And yes, I even cried when this happened.
3. When we went to Ilocos Sur (specifically Vigan) for the first time. Regardless of the hot weather, I got to enjoy it.
4. When one of the Japanese actors (Minami Keisuke) I followed on Instagram had actually liked not just one, but two of my posts. It was around 2017 when Kyuranger was still airing.
5. When I won 2 books on a book giveaway for the first time. I mean, I don't usually win anything, so this is unforgettable to me.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Shoot For The Stars

To my Sunrise,

Okay. So maybe writing this letter to you who I haven't met yet can be considered as shooting for the stars. And yet I'm still doing it ー all because I've been waiting for you to enter my life in such a long time. I kept on telling other people that I don't need to fall in love or to commit if I knew that I'd end up getting hurt in the end. Getting rejected, getting friend-zoned, and seeing other people's relationships fall apart right in front of me... These things had made my heart build up a wall to stop myself from feeling so bad about myself because no one would want to love me as the person that I am.

It's a scary feeling to encounter again, and so I made a resolution. I know in my heart that living my life with this lingering negative feeling won't do me any good. I know I'm not meant to live like this for long. At least, that's what I'm choosing to believe. I'm doing the best I can to change the course of my life at the moment. As I'm writing here, I'm sensing that I can only meet you and cross paths with you if I choose to finally let go of what's been holding me back from truly loving all this time.

At the moment, it's a slow process. At one point, I couldn't help feeling frustrated. Even with that, I'm doing what I can to fight that negative feeling. To be the best version of myself before meeting you without actually giving up ー this is shooting for the stars for me. At the end of it all, I only intend to shoot for the stars I'd like to call my destined love.

Until then, let's both do our best so we can finally meet one day.

The one who's continuously waiting,

Florence Joyce

What should you be famous for?

I've always envisioned myself getting known for the stories I write and the other words I wrote. Those that would give an impact on their lives and help them grow and change for the better.

I've always loved writing, so I'd like it the most if I can convey that love and my writing vision in the words I put on paper and online. As an introvert, it's hard for me to communicate well with people. And perhaps that's one reason why I chose writing as my means to communicate to the world.

It's going slow, but I have faith that in divine timing, I'll get these. The journey's already hard, but it's okay. One thing I'm asking from above, though, is for those words, as well, to reach the one destined for me to love for the rest of my life, whether it's a soulmate or a twin flame or both. I intend my words I've written to reach him and his heart somehow.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Generalizing People

Seriously, what is this #CancelKorea hashtag I kept on seeing on my FB newsfeed? Then again, why should I care? Yes, I know. That's a wrong way for me to put it her, considering the fact that Koreans are insulting Filipinos and I'm a Filipina. But honestly, the more I pay attention to these people who got nothing to do with their lives but put other people down and throw insults instead of settling things in a civilized manner, they chose to become warfreaks and overly opinionated that it's making my head hurts just reading about it.

So what's with the blog title?

This is what's wrong with most of us. A mistake of one person doesn't mean it applies to everyone who's the same race. Most of us have the bad habit of generalizing when, in fact, they should only reprimand that particular person for his/her mistake. Then again, I have this feeling that reprimanding both sides would just fall on deaf ears. It is the truth and I've seen a lot of them.

In my case, though, yes. I'm not going to lie. I do generalize people and at times, would lead me to hate that particular race or group. But I also know where to place myself when it comes to generalizing. I'd rather keep it to myself than let the world know how I hate or dislike something or someone. At times, if I can't really hold it in, I would write about it as anonymously as I can. Not like this.

So when it comes to this particular issue as to why this hashtag trended, I have no say on this. Both sides have their reasons. But the more I pay attention to it, the more it's going to ruin my day even without intending to. And I'm not aiming for that at the moment.

NP: "Again (English Version)" by Beverly

How do you tell if someone can be your friend?

One thing that I've noticed over the years of doing my best to be friend is that it's really hard for me to approach people. I still have this habit of observing people before I make my move. And maybe that's one of my ways of trying to determine if someone can become my friend.

But I guess at this point, I'll do my best of trying to break it down since I can't exactly select just one way. Anyway, here goes:

1. I can feel that I can be comfortable with that person, even through observing them from afar.
2. That person's smile can make me feel I actually exists, and not just some wallflower that people usually pass me by. He/she actually notices me in a good way.
3. That person doesn't make me feel inferior, even in other people's eyes.
4. We could have clicked because of the same interests, at some point. His/her knowledge about other things won't be something that can make me feel dumb and in fact, willing to teach me those things without pretense and hesitation.
5. That potential friend is nice and kind, but doesn't use those traits to hide who he/she really is inside.

Okay. I may be a little picky at this point. I guess that's one reason why I don't have much friends? Or maybe because I kept on relying on my gut instincts when it comes to making a decision on whether or not that person can become a potential friend. Bad idea? I don't know. But more often than not, my gut instincts didn't fail me, especially when discerning a person to br a possible friend. At least, that's what I've observed all this time.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Your favorite affirmations.

I have a lot, to be honest. Ever since I got to discover LOA and the use of affirmations to reprogram my mind, I ended up thinking of a lot of affirmations for myself. I've seen little progress, by far. Then again, I still have more negative thoughts than positive ones. So I guess I need to work hard on getting rid of that. Or if not completely, at least I should do my best to dissipate it a little.

Anyway, I'm only listing my top 5 of this. Here goes:

1. I am an inspiration to others through my writings.
2. I am a great author on the road to being world famous.
3. I am writing to follow my bliss.
4. I am worthy of love.
5. I am committing to writing everyday with confidence and enthusiasm.

Yes, I know. A lot had to do with my writing journey. But I am a writer at heart, and it's a dream I couldn't let go at all, even if my parents don't exactly agree to the path I chose. I just have to actually commit to becoming the best writer/author I can become for the people to know.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Name one of the conspiracy theories that you want to be real.

From what I know, there's a lot of them. Though most of them were pretty interesting, I'm pretty much inclined in letting the ancient aliens/astronauts theory to be real. Sure, they clashed with a lot of sectors both in the field of science and various religions around the world. But the only part I want on this particular conspiracy theory was about the ancient aliens (or even modern ones) providing insight/intelligence and messages to various but selected people to help enhance the world and humanity. Or like angels and spirit guides delivering messages and things like that. It might sound crazy and even other connections can seem logical at some point. Even with that notion, it still sounded interesting in more ways than one.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Who do you miss at the moment?

My younger, slightly confident and more creative self. Though I've strayed away from the people I got close to before, and even though I have lost quite a number of people in my life, they don't give me that much impact as the one I've mentioned above. I've missed that part of myself more than anything else. I miss that part of me every time I would try to write something ー at least on the fiction writing. I have been uninspired for quite a long time now, so I guess I couldn't really help it if I start missing that part of myself at the moment. I'm yearning to be that person once again. 😄💕

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

The best thing that ever happened to me is you.

To my (future) Sunrise,

One thing I can tell after all that has happened in my life ー you are the miracle that I asked for from the heavens. The best gift that I've ever received in my life. As exaggerated as it might sound right now, what I'm writing here at the moment is the truth.

You will surely be my life's game changer.

Yes, I'm aware that I haven't met you yet. Right now, you are probably living your life the way you wanted it to a long time ago. Even though I don't know anything about it, I'll continue believing that our separate paths will meet one day. Whatever life that you have now, I'm praying that it's going to provide a way for us to meet and be close to one another.

We both have no knowing if our meeting will lead to a love so beautiful, as if we've dreamed it to life. But I do know one thing. You coming into my life and giving you the love I never thought I'd give to anyone will put me in a pedestal I could only dream of reaching. Your love ー so true and unconditional ー will become one of my greatest inspirations as I continue reaching towards the dreams I only gazed at from afar.

I know and I'm sure I'd love the support we both give to each other towards the things that make us happy ー individually and together as best friends and lovers we're going to become. One day, loving each other will not be a distant dream anymore.

I'm still waiting, and I'm doing so patiently. I'm waiting for the day where I can proudly tell to the world how much I love you and how you've become the greatest and the best thing that will ever happen to me. On that day, I'm sure I've also loved myself even more and I'm willing to show to the world the best version of me that I've strive to become so that I can feel that I'm deserving for the true and unconditional love I'm receiving from you.

Till that day, let's do our best and let's pray for each other to fulfill our dreams and meet with pride and joy to our destiny of loving one another.

Always waiting,

Florence Joyce

Foods you would like to try.

I think I'm just going to list things here with no explanation for now. I'm not much of a binge eater, but I still would love to try foods from other places one day.

1. Tteokbokki (떡볶이)
2. Miso ramen (味噌ラメント)
3. Melon bread (メロンパン)
4. Dalgona coffee (달고나 커피)
5. Cubano sandwich
6. New Orleans beignet
7. Baumkuchen
8. Croquembouche
9. Dango (団子)
10. Onigiri (おにぎり)
11. Ohagi botamochi (牡丹餅)
12. Gelato
13. Hot-pot
14. Omurice (オムライス)
15. Taiyaki (鯛焼き)

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Ways in which you are awesome.

• My imagination can become a way for me to be successful.
• I still haven't given up on my dreams.
• I still believe that life will take an awesome turn for me.
• I'm doing my best to fight off negativity hovering in my mind.
• I can smile through all the pain and trouble, not as a mask but as a way of providing power for my heart to endure the dark times of my life.
• My age doesn't matter to me anymore, as long as I know that I still have the drive for me to fulfill my dreams in God's perfect timing.
• I still love my life in spite of it all. 😄💕

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

I'll Hold On To You 67 - Currently Sick

[Relaina]

Hindi rin hambog ang sira-ulong iyon. Ngayon ko na talaga napatunayan na hopeless na ang pagiging hambog nito. At talagang malakas pa ang loob nitong sabihing magiging future Mrs. Brent Allen Montreal daw ako. Hello? Not to mention, ang kapal din ng mukha. Mapagsamantala pa ng pagkakataon.

Diyos ko! Hindi ko na alam kung paano ko pa pakikisamahan nang maayos ang lalaking iyon na hindi nagre-react ang puso ko at hindi rin lumilipad sa kung saan ang isip ko.

Gaya na lang ng nangyayari sa mga sandaling iyon sa silid ko. Nakatingin lang ako sa kawalan habang nag-iisip ng isusulat sa journal ko para sa gabing iyon. I just got back to writing in a journal may isang buwan din matapos ang araw na nangako ako kay Brent that rainy day.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pumasok sa kukote ko at naisipan kong gawin ito ulit after my break-up with Oliver. Pero iniisip ko na lang na... baka kailangan ko nang ilabas mula sa isip ko ang mga nararamdaman at naiisip ko. The changes, the fear, the excitement, the worries... All of it.

What does your ideal day looks like? Be specific.

Ideal day? I would say my ideal day could be a little boring to some. But I do believe that my ideal day would involve me not too much. Like, there wasn't a care in the world when I choose what I want to do in a day. But this prompt said that I have to be specific, so let's see if I could actually do so.

Morning:

• To wake up at my own pace, but not later than 8 or even 7:30, if I say so myself.
• Not getting fussed over a dream I can't remember. Just being calm and actually cool about it.
• Do my morning stretches with no interruption.
• No errands or people with favors to ask me to do.
• Have a proper breakfast. And yes, no interruption again.

Afternoon:

• Read a book, even if it's just 2-3 chapters ― or longer.
• Write an update for my pending stories with no distractions and interruption from other people.
• Have a nap that can truly refresh me.
• By this time, I already had a proper energy-filled lunch.

Evening:

• Have my dinner, but not the heavy one since it's bad for my stomach.
• Do my usual night time routine before going to sleep.
• Write on my journal freely.
• Sleep early.

I think I made it specific enough. At least, I tried. Or perhaps I haven't fully figured out my ideal day to look like.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Your current relationship. If single, describe how single life is.

Single life? Monotonous, in my case. But worry free, as well. At least on the aspect of thinking someone other than myself. Selfish and boring as it might have sounded, but I actually prefer it that way. At least for now.

Why I stated it like this? It's because I know fully well that I still have a lot of things to do and think about in order for me to grow (physically 😄 and mentally), mature and love myself without these limiting beliefs. I have all the time and attention I can give to myself to accept everything about my life. Being in a relationship at this point made me feel as if it's going to hinder that progress. So for me, single life (at least mine) is a period I can use for me to improve.

I just have this belief that if I finally find myself ー the one I can truly be proud of after all this time of searching, wishing, hoping, and yearning for a beautiful and fulfilling romance ー then the long journey will definitely be worth it. I have so much disappointments in my life that more often than not, I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I'm aiming for the day that I can say I've finally done it ー I found my true self ー and look in the mirror with pride and fulfillment and happiness beaming from my eyes.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

My saddest memory is...

I have a lot of sad memories in my life, including deaths of relatives and severed relationships within the family. But if I'm just going to pick one out of those memories, the saddest one for me would be when my father had totally expressed his distaste in my writing endeavors. I mean, I did cry my eyes out when he said that I should just throw the papers and even the stories I wrote on those papers to the trash.

To some, it might be something petty. But to a writer like me, it feels damaging ー especially if it actually came from your family. That's how I value writing in my life since then, I guess. I know I still have a long way to go, even now. But at least a support is what I'm asking. Then again, I don't think I'll ever get that from him. Not back then. Not now. Not ever.

Death is also something to be sad about, I know. But as heartless as it sounds, I haven't actually cried when both of my grandfathers died (in different years, of course). Maybe because I wasn't that close to any of them? I'm not really sure.

But I guess the death (or even the near death) of a dream is sadder than ever to someone who truly values it in their heart. And perhaps that is why something related to writing is what I chose as a saddest memory to me.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What makes you a good friend?

• I listen. At least I know I'm a good listener. At times, as well, I also analyze the situation laid out in front of me involving a friend before I judge.
• I might come out as standoffish at times. Or snobbish. But know that when you become my friend, I will treasure it in every way possible. I will be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on.
• I also appear as a loner and anti-social and most of the time, this is the image I end up projecting. But I can be bubbly and outgoing, especially when the people or the situation can be so much fun. So know that even with such an image, I do my best to make someone smile.
• People tell me that I do give a lot of advice ー good ones, in fact. I have to admit, the advice I give to people tend to come from a different source and not from my personal experience. But as a friend, please know that advices are guides to stir you back to the right direction. When all else fails and you think the world has given up on you, I'm still here to believe in you and have faith in your true strength that you can get through this. As long as I know that you're not doing anything bad or illegal, I will do my best to be your greatest strength provider in this life

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Describe your dream holiday.

I haven't really given it much thought, to be honest. But I do envision some things when I actually find myself going on a holiday.

• I'd love it if I can have a holiday alone.
• It would be somewhere scenic ー both in the city/town proper visit and the rural area visit.
• I'd be having a blast ー not too much ー on taking pictures of my vacation.
• Everything around me, everything I see, would be putting a smile on my face that will surely last.
• Having a slow walk ー either on the beach or somewhere with a bridge ー in which it can definitely help me absorb everything in. From emotions, to sensations that the vacation brings to me.
• Even from my hotel room, it's amazing to see a beautiful sunrise and sunset that I can take photos of.
• Somewhere I can definitely enjoy going to where people are friendly and the energy is amazing.

I guess the answer went quite well. They might have come out as a little vague. Or at least I thought of it that way. But I don't exactly have a specific place in mind yet as to where I actually want to spend a vacation and spend my holiday there.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What beliefs are holding you back from living your dream life?

I don't know what to say with regards to this prompt. But I guess that it's just right to answer this since I do need it to fully assess myself about this particular area in my life. This might be a bit too much in my perception, though.

Anyway, here goes:

• I don't have what it takes to do it. → This is the main one, if I say so myself.
• That dream is too great for you to even handle. → This just came recently, to be honest, when everything started to go downhill.
• Stepping out of your comfort zone won't do you any good. → And I guess this is why I'm trying my best right now to do something I've never done before, in spite of the pressure.
• You don't have the courage to take the risk. → Or maybe I just haven't found that real courage I need the most to risk a lot for my dreams.
• Why are you even born here in this world? → I guess this belief actually goes hand in hand with me feeling such a useless person. I'm not going to lie, I did have suicidal thoughts echoing in my mind a lot of times, especially when I was in college after failing my NCII test for Computer Troubleshooting. More like this followed after that. But as they've always been, they were all passing thoughts. I haven't actually attempted to do any of those suicidal thoughts and tactics because like what I kept on saying, I still love my life. Maybe I just need the drive to actually propel my life to the right direction. Or to the true direction that I've missed all this time.
• You're such a useless woman! → This, to me, is the most painful belief that's been rolling in my head for quite some time now, ever since being laid off from the two jobs I've ever had since graduating. Until now, it still echoes in my head, but not as prevalent as it used to be. I'll do my best to not let it affect me even further.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

The best compliments you've received.

You're smart.

You're a talented writer.

You're a creative writer.

These were just, for me, the best compliments I've received since I started writing. Well, that goes back to when I was in high school and I'm still unaware of what to actually do with my life. At the point I received these compliments, I was pretty much a wallflower. No one noticed me and I guess no one wanted to be friends, let alone be close, to someone as plain as me. Anyway, I didn't even care. I was so much caught up with how to keep up with my studies that I don't even pay attention to how I should project myself to the class.

Writing was just a hobby to me at the time. Nothing more than a past time and a way for me to get out of reality for a little while. So to be complimented for the world I created through the stories I write, it was an amazing experience for me. For people to believe that I can achieve more for doing something I love, it was something unbelievable.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

The Story Behind The Secret Of The Rose Clans

Medyo mahaba-haba ang entry na 'to considering the fact na ito ang background story ng "Chronicles of the Roses". As usual, isinulat ko ito way back 2008 pa, kaya may kadramahan ang writing style ko rito. Since nai-share ko na rito ang mailking description ng series na ito, gusto ko na ring i-share ang background story ng dalawang pamilyang ito.

By the way, sinubukan ko lang gumawa ng aesthetic ng mismong series. I think I captured most of the topic tha surrounded the romance series of these two clans. Baka nga gawan ko rin ng ganito ang "Eight Thorned Blades" one of these days. Tingnan natin. 😄✌️💕

Here goes:

What does love mean to you?

You've got to be kidding me. I actually got this prompt to answer tonight? But since it's a question that's needed to be answered, possibly for my sake, then I have to do my best. Take note, though, that for someone who still has yet to experience what it's like to truly fall in love, my answer here can be a little vague.

Love is always there. It doesn't fade, it won't vanish. It's just that people do tend to neglect it. And for me, that's one reason why people fall out of love.

Love is unconditional. Love is ever the greatest power that can change someone's life, along with faith and trust. Love holds the greatest magic that this world can ever experience in one's life. Love can transcend space and time, as long as one believes in it.

Love will always be something that can shed a light on my rather gray life and put colors to it, as well. Love will always be the sunrise that my heart longs to see all this time. Love will become the key for me to find my life purpose. Self-love, filial love, platonic love, romantic love ー these kinds of love will definitely change my life for the better.

ETB Book 2 Trivia

This is the trivia I compiled with regards to the story and upcoming second book of "Eight Thorned Blades" series entitled "The Last Sword Of The Cross". Mostly, ang magiging topic nito ay sa mga bagong characters na magpapakita rito sa Book 2 at ang pinagbasehan ko ng mga pangalan at portrayers nila. With that, enjoy reading. At sana, kahit papaano, maka-relate kayo. Kung may mga questions kayo, huwag kayong mahihiyang magtanong. Okay? Magdadagdag pa ako ng mga information dito kapag natapos ko na ang Book 1 at napag-isipan ko na talaga nang husto ang magiging takbo ng kuwento sa Book 2. Marami ring spoilers ito pero kung okay lang sa inyo at hindi na kayo madidismaya sa pagbabasa nito kahit na anong mangyari, thank you very much! Hehe!

One other visual inspiration changes I did for TLSOTE was about another Dark Rose character codenamed Ares. Originally, I used Ok Taecyeon for that. But for reasons I can't recall now, I decided to change it to this guy — Nomura Shohei. So, yeah. More changes coming up, for sure.

So after posting that last update, I finally decided on the visual inspiration to replace the one I used for Crius. It's this guy right here — Woo Do Hwan. I know I hadn't posted any character bio for the characters of TLSOTE. But I guess I'll do that later. Or maybe not at all. We'll see.

What always brings tears to your eyes? (Tears are words that need to be written. - Paulo Coelho)

A lot, honestly, considering the fact that I'm such a sensitive person. Reunion, deep conversations, reconciliation, even songs bring tears to my eyes.

If I'm going to be particular about this, however, I think I should just list them down here:

1. Watching videos about reunions and homecoming.
2. My self-pity moments, even when I wasn't scolded by anyone.
3. Father and daughter dance at weddings, only because I can already feel that I won't be able to experience it at all with my father.
4. When I'm frustrated with myself, which happens a lot.

I have to admit, I'm quite sad for # 3. I may not be looking for a romantic partner at the moment since I did say to myself that I have to fix my life first. But think about a future where I can't do that when the time really did come that I find that special person. Things were not the same anymore.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What are 3 things you can do to enhance your mental well-being?

So it has come to this ー talking about mental well-being. It is a bit appropriate, though, as I kept on seeing issues of depression that leads to self-harm online. It's disturbing, to be honest. At one point, I've been thinking of doing something to bring awareness, even if it's something I've not encountered or done personally. Sure, I had suicidal thoughts passing in my mind from time to time, especially when other people's words would get to me and start invading my mind. They would really put me in such a bad mood that I'd even cry because of all the negative thoughts (degrading ones, unfortunately) at night, making me unable to sleep ー sometimes. My imagination could get really wild most of the time and I'm having a hard time putting a stop to it, to be honest.

With that, I've come to start doing something to tone it down slowly and make my mental health less worrying for me. I'm not sure if I could list three, but let's see. 😄

1. Journaling ➡️ Yes, this includes my scripting journal (that I put to a stop a few months back) and my personal journal where I'm writing a lot more than usual. Yes, a lot of times, all I do in my journal is to write rants and complaints and disappointments. But ever since I started having a journal back in June 13, 2019, it became helpful for me to release the burdens in my mind. Sure, it can be burdening, as well, to write my entries in English. But this also serves as a writing practice for me (at least for fiction stories that I'm writing and planning to write).
2. Walking ➡️ Okay, I know I don't walk everyday (the long distance ones, I mean). And now, because of the pandemic, it's not going to be an everyday thing to walk around in long distance for a long time. But even with that, walking provides an outlet for me to imagine, to clear my mind, to visualize, to practice my singing (?) voice (at times). Especially with clearing my mind. Walking helps in calming me down, especially when I'm truly upset over something.
3. Listening to instrumental music ➡️ Most of the time, I'm going straight to ballads. But lately, I've been listening to epic music, as well. You know, the one used as background music. True, no words can be hurt from it. But those music provides a lot of inspiration and has also cleared my mind when I'm frustrated. The epic music I tend to listen to seemed like talking to me and saying that I can do it and I can get through the fight.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸