What did you do this week that moved you closer to reaching your goals?

I've only taken a small step, and honestly, it's still not enough for me. Sure, it's still a step. But I wasn't satisfied with it. I kept on having procrastination moments that makes it hard for me to stop. I do feel ashamed of such actions and the results that came because of that. But for some weird reason, I still keep at it. Keep on dreaming about that particular scenario. Keep on visualizing it. Is it a bad idea that I end up procrastinating because of doing so?

Anyway, I still write. But at some point, I wasn't writing fiction. I kept on writing essays, my thoughts on the quotes I made up and some song lyrics that caught my attention. Sure, most of them were like futuristic, dream-like and wishful, in some sense. But they all hold some of the feelings and wishes I kept over time, especially with regards to love that I truly desire to experience. And yet, I haven't been going out much or even interacting that much for something to actually happen.

But maybe... those words I've been posting, those stories I've been sharing online, can provide a way -- whether unexpectedly or intentionally -- for a miracle like that to happen. Writing those words may, in fact, become a pathway to let me reach one of my goals.

🌺 Florence Joyce 🌺

 

After A Celebration Comes This...

Okay. This just came as a bit of a shock for me. I only learned the news due to a post of a Facebook friend. But December 1st? Seriously? That early? Why is that? I maybe complaining nonsense here, but it's still unfair. She was still young to leave this world.

I've always wondered why Mana left the later parts of Ryusoulger when it was still airing. Sure, I knew there were issues (not bad ones, I hoped at the time). But never did it come to me that it was because of an illness. Though I'm curious as to what illness had exactly contributed to her death, I'm quite sure the pandemic had nothing to do with it. Or maybe that's just me thinking. Who knows what really happened. It's quite admirable that she still did her best in her career even though she was dealing with such predicament.

Even through this, I still want to extend my condolences to her friends and family. I know many people loved her so much.

I know I shouldn't be talking about this here. But since I made her one of my visual inspirations in a planned fantasy story that I have inspired by an old story I wrote a long time ago based on Encantadia, because of this news, I intend to change her as a visual inspiration. I tend to do this as a sign of respect, similar to what I've already done before when an actor/actress died or left the entertainment industry. This is going to be the fifth time I'm doing this.

Wherever you are, 金城茉奈さん, I hope you're happy and in a better place now. No more sufferings. 😣😭⤵︎

생일 축하 합니다, 김석진씨!

This will be the first for me. At least on the part of greeting a Korean celebrity on his/her birthday on any of my social media accounts, let alone my blog. But as they say, there's a first time for everything. So here I am.

Happy birthday to my BTS bias, Kim Seokjin!

I know, I'm not much of a fan of K-Pop. But I do listen to some of their songs, and it was because of my youngest sister who introduced this group to me. Jin was the very first that I noticed among the member, so I guess you could say he stood out a lot for me. Funny thing, though, I only noticed that Jin and my sister Des were born on the same month and year ー just different dates. Knowing that, it would definitely be easier for me to recall his birthday. 😁✨

I hope you have a great birthday today, in spite of the pandemic. Do take care of yourself. And I'm pretty sure you haven't shown at least majority of your true self to other people. But the are people who still cares for you, so don't lose hopeand keep having faith in life. I know you won't be able to read this. Even with that knowledge, please know that a lot of people loves you, and not your family, friends, and ARMY. Thank you for being born in this world and doing your best to become an inspiration to many.

Along with this celebration, this day happens to be another first time for us. This is the first time in (I guess) five years that we have  Christmas decorations in our house. I don't want to delve deeper into the reason as to why we didn't put up decorations in that long. But some of those reasons had something to do with growing up and also my parents' separation back then.

Things had changed over time, I guess. And I'm glad that these changes are happening even with the current world situation. 😌💗

お誕生日おめでとうございます、尾碕真花さん!

Okay. I know I haven't done something like this in quite a long while. But only because I usually ran out of things to type here whenever I would try to greet someone when it was their birthday, especially if it is a celebrity. I intend to change that, though. So I'm starting today, during the birthday of Asuna/Ryusoul Pink's actress, Osaki Ichika.

I really like her character in Ryusoulger, prompting me to follow her both in Instagram and Twitter. I even turned on the notifications for her posts.

This might not be much, but I do hope you have a great day today. You might not understand what I'm writing here. But know that I like you as an actress and I can see that you're doing your best in your chosen career. I have faith that you can do a lot more, as long as you do your best. Thank you for protraying Asuna and becoming one of the actresses that I follow on social media. Here's me, wishing you a happy birthday once again and that you have a wonderful time on your special day, regardless of the pandemic still raging about.

お誕生日おめでとうございます！ 👑✨🎂🎈🎁🎉

【Book Comment】 "The House With A Clock In Its Walls" by John Bellairs

Okay. Maybe I ended up a bit disappointed about the turn out of the story in this book. But hey, I guess I also ended up forgetting this book is a YA story. So sorry for that.

With that in place, let me tell you what I thought about this book after reading it. I actually learned that this book existed after seeing a trailer of the movie version of it. Maybe that's one reason why I expected a lot on the book version. I tried to find a copy of this and luckily, I got to buy a book of it at a cheaper price. But that was a long while ago, before the pandemic started. I also learned that this book is part of a series and now I made it my task to look for physical copies of them.

It wasn't as scary as I initially thought it would, regardless of the ghost thing that appeared in the book. I could relate to it in a way since there was an issue of trying to fit in or have some friends in a new environment and when you thought you did with the help of one person who we wanted to be our true friend, it didn't pan out as we thought it would. Well, the magic thing did filter out who was meant to stay and accept something that was already a part of Lewis' life. Having a weird uncle wasn't easy, but it was beautiful of Lewis to accept the true nature of his uncle. Their neighbor, who happened to have the same given name as mine, made it quite enjoyable for Lewis. At least, that's how it looked like to me.

There were two things that made me a little disappointed about the story, though. One, it's the clock itself. And second, the rather bland ending. I don't know why I fet such disappointment. Or maybe I expected too much?

In any case, that's all I can rake out of from my mind about this book. It's rather cold out here where I live due to storm surge, so it was a little hard for me to concentrate without thinking how cold it is here. Anyway, I'm not sure when would I be able to read the next adventure of Lewis Barnavelt. But I'll post my comment about that as soon as I'm done reading it. Let's make it a habit, shall we?

Something you always think "what if" about.

🔹 What if I was as aggressive as my sister when it comes to what I intend to do?

🔹 What if I was as mature as that of my sister?

🔹 What if I would meet someone that would eventually change my life for the better, no matter how unexpected -- at least career-wise?

🔹 What if I believed in myself more that I can be a successful published author and writer, maybe similar to Cassandra Clare or Rick Riordan?

🔹 What if the stories I wrote and posted online would lead me to something unexpected in the world of writing?

🔹 What if I took the chance to accept that guy's affection, even though I truly had no idea about it at all?

🔹 What if I did intend to become a scriptwriter and an actress, even though it's truly unexpected for me to dream of being the latter one at my age now?

Honestly, I have a lot of "what if's". But for now, these are the main ones that would constantly create a loop in my head.

🌺 Florence Joyce 🌺

【Book Comment】 Mister Monday (Keys To The Kingdom # 1) by Garth Nix

A long, overdue review.

That's all I can tell about this post. I mean, I know I was already done reading this first book at the start of the year ー or maybe even last year. Wait, I still need to recall the exact date. Maybe I'll read back on my journal to do that.

Anyway, so yes, this is seriously a long overdue. So my book comment could be a little vague. Who knows?

I love the adventures that Arthur went through in the House. I mean, they are pretty amazing (not to mention dangerous for his age) for him to go through that and survive, considering his condition. I could clearly see in my head the description of the creatures belonging to that realm. They are scary ー and should I say disgusting? ー so I'm not wondering why they're not in the Human World.

It's the frog (turned out to be the Will) that really gets on my nerves sometimes that at some point, I wanted to throw him and drown him. Suzy's fine by me. I like her, honestly. She was fun. Dusk really came off different to me, even at the start of his appearance. So I wasn't surprised when he did what he did to help Arthur during his fight with Mister Monday.

But the one particular scene that really gets to me was Arthur's encounter with the Old One and hearing that entity's story as to why he was chained there and continued to suffer for a long time. I don't know, but I think that was the best part for me.

Anyway, a lot more can happen as I was only on the first book of the series. I'm not sure when would I be able to read the rest of the books within the series. But I'll make sure to write a review of it (or should I say book comment) as soon as Im done reading.

Titles For "Chronicles Of The Roses" Series

*italics - currently writing
*italics with underline - done writing

First Generation:

1. I Won't Ever Leave You (Alexis Cervantes)
2. My Destiny From A Dream (Elena dela Vega)
3. Just One Chance (Kevin dela Vega)
4. Until You Learn To Love Me (Nathan Cervantes)
5. You And Me This Time Forever (Cecille Cervantes)
6. All That Heaven Allows (Joel dela Vega)
7. Too Good To Be True (Aaron dela Vega)
8. Those Hands I've Held Onto (Cheska Cervantes)
9. Waiting For Someone Like You (Joaquin Cervantes)
10. In The End, It's Still You (Fate Cervantes)

Second Generation:

1. Wishing For A Fairytale (Aldrich dela Vega-Cervantes)
2. Even If It Takes A Lifetime (Gabriel dela Vega-Cervantes)
3. Will there Be A Second Chance? (Daryll dela Vega-Valencia)
4. A Minute I Want To Last (Keith dela Vega)
5. To The One I'm Waiting For (Jianne Fatima dela Vega)
6. Two Hearts' Wish (Cherisse Angeline dela Vega)
7. Let Me Stay With You (Vladimir dela Vega-Cervantes)
8. Until We Meet Again (Vivianne Cervantes-Mercado)
9. Even If It Hurts (Celina Andrea Cervantes-Mercado)
10. I Would Definitely Find You (Ivan Christopher dela Vega)
11. After The Rain (Clyde dela Vega)
12. Will It Only Be A Dream? (Cedric Matthew dela Vega)
13. How Could I Forget You? (Dricsler dela Vega)
14. The Miracle Of Loving You (Lacey Grace dela Vega)
15. Heal My Wounded Heart (Gerald Brent dela Vega)
16. I Need You Back (Lucille Cervantes-de Cortez)
17. Can We Still Make It? (Novellina Cervantes-de Cortez)
18. Love Beneath The Night Sky (Garnet Cervantes)
19. A Lost Heart's Unbreakable Oath (Allen Anthony Cervantes-Olivarez)
20. Like The One I'm Wishing For (Jerique Alexander Cervantes-Olivarez)
21. Only Reminds Me Of You (Vincent Cervantes-Mercado)
22. To The One I Love (Samantha dela Vega-Cervantes)
23. The Key To Your Heart (Faith Nicole dela Vega)
24. A Lifetime Search For You (Carlos Armand Cervantes-Olivarez)
25. A Flight To Yesterday's Love (Deici Erica dela Vega)
26. Another One Like You (Charity dela Vega-Valencia)
27. Even If I Die (Julianna dela Vega-Cervantes)
28. Till The Sunset, Till My Last Breath (Francis Paul Cervantes-de Cortez)
29. A Reason To Stay With You (Luke Cervantes)
30. Where I Truly Belong (Cyrus dela Vega-Cervantes)
31. A Path Through Your Heart (Ericson dela Vega-Cervantes)
32. Another Chance To Love You (Zander Cervantes-de Cortez)
33. The Second Time (Drazen Cervantes)
34. From The Start (Kyaro Maree Cervantes-de Cortez)
35. Don't Run From Love (Froilan dela Vega)
36. For All That It's Worth (Jett Cervantes)
37. The Shadow Of My Heart (Sherwin dela Vega)
38. An Unfulfilled Promise (Aldine James Cervantes-Mercado)
39. Never Let Love Fade (Althea Cecilia Cervantes-de Cortez)
40. Longer Than Forever (Olivia dela Vega)
41. All I Ask Is You (Aleacera dela Vega)
42. The Touch Of Love (Arwin dela Vega-Valencia)
43. The Brightest Star In The Sky (Katherine Heidi Cervantes-Olivarez)
44. Once Again, I Love You (Alyssandra dela Vega-Cervantes)
45. The Rainbow That Touches My Life (Jeremy Aeron Cervantes-Mercado)
46. Tale Of A Kiss (Suzanne Cervantes)
47. Love's Eternal River (Rena dela Vega-Valencia)
48. Kiss Of The Storms (Iara Yuiko Cervantes-Olivarez)
49. The Will Of Time (Richard Cervantes)
50. Even If You Love Someone (Crystal Jane dela Vega)
    

50 Random Facts About Me

This was actually an old list of this topic that I found while going through some old notes that I have when I was in college. I was looking for old story drafts that I think I can use (or at least, I intend to) to write something new under a different pseudonym besides dreamcoloredgift on Wattpad. I'm also debating whether or not I should create a new Wattpad account just for that new pseudonym.

Anyway, here's the list that I have about me. I might put up a part two of this one since a lot had happened since the last time I wrote this list. Let's go! 😄✌️

10 famous lines from books/movies I love (give explanation for each)

I guess it would do me better if I start doing this again. But hey, I want to fill this journal with more sensible ー if not, a little deeper ー topics to write about. Anything to divert my mind just a little bit about that scary (at least scarily accurate on my part) prediction about a certain person that resonated with me in a lot of ways. Maybe with this, I can do something to clear my mind a bit.

Here goes:

Sorry, I've Been Busy 😆✌️

Okay. The emojis might appear like I'm joking or something. But hey, I've definitely been busy... thinking of a new story plot. Or maybe a new story idea that I'd love to implement right away, but I'm still contemplating on that since I have a few more pending stories to consider finishing first before anything else.

I've started listening to subliminals again. But this time, I'm only going to focus on listening to 6 plus boosters, as well. And then there's some reiki sessions, too. They do help me relax before going to sleep, so I guess it's not a bad idea at all.

I'm still thinking if I should post the entries I have in my dream journal here, as well. But as I stated in my personal journal, my dream journal feels like a separate entity on its own. Joining it with my personal journal or posting it here in my blog would mean defiling it in some way. I don't know why, but it felt that way to me.

What character traits do you need to work on?

Setting my mind onto something and actually doing it. Over the years, this is something I actually struggled with. I know what I want to do. The main problem is the determination to put that intention into action. Why can't I do things the way I'd do them back then, when I was still in high school and college? What is it with adulthood that changed my determination to that of a slowly dissipating flame? Honestly, I can't help hating myself for that. Even though I know that it's a bad idea to hate myself for something that I'm slowly losing, I just couldn't stop. I badly intend to fight for it. But each time I try, there's a part of my mind that would just put me down on my knees and slowly lose hope.

I really need to put a stop to these negativity, before it could truly destroy me. I intend to seek the determination that would truly propel me to fight and reach for my true dreams.

🌺 Florence Joyce 🌺

Do you have any trauma that you never heal from?

This is s a little hard to think about for me. I do recall getting spanked (or beaten should be the right word) by my paternal grandmother when I was a kid. But I got over it. I think the one I'd consider the trauma that I couldn't get myself out of would be my parents' separation and getting rejected by the guy I liked, complete with him tearing the love letter I wrote for him.

Both events had put me recently (or should I say, for a long time) in a place in which I couldn't even put myself out there to find the person I'm meant to be with and love in the long run. In me, there was a voice nagging that I'm not enough to even be with anyone at all. That I'm not meant for someone to love unconditionally and wholeheartedly.

It was around 2015 when my parents finally called it quits because it was hopeless for any of them to settle their differences. Not only that, it really hurts me so much for my father to not even support me in my writing endeavors. It scared me to an extent that I would meet a guy who wouldn't dare support my dreams and my journey to find the better version of myself ー the one I should've done a long time ago.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Last time you wanted to say something but didn't, why?

The only reason I could think of as to why I didn't say anything was because I was anxious of the possible results. It was as if my mind had already conjured the results long before they even happened. And most of the time, I saw negative results floating in my mind. A lot of negative words would echo in my mind, as well, no matter what I do to prevent them from completely invading it. And I guess you could add the fact that I was afraid of, basically, everything about that person. No matter how nice or how down-toned I say the words, that person wouldn't let it go. Or at least, won't let the faults from the past go.

I know, at this point, my explanation doesn't make any sense. But to simply put, I still couldn't get over or get pass through whatever fear was lingering in me. And it has been the main reason why I regret not saying the things that I needed to say, words that could've made someone stay in my life.

🌺 Florence Joyce 🌺

How is it for you to forgive those who have caused you pain?

It's not an easy thing to do, honestly speaking. They did put a scar in my heart that, I felt, even time couldn't heal. Then again, I realized that if I keep thinking about it in such an ill manner and let it affect me, then yes. Time wouldn't let it heal.

Forgiving may not be easy for me. But as I grow up, refusal to give forgiveness to those people who made me feel this pain is what's stopping me from truly growing.

Forgiving is not easy, but I realized that it's a must if I truly intend to do more in my life. Forgiving is, perhaps, one of the most important ways for me to discover what I should have a long time ago.

I still couldn't figure out a way to forgive those people, even if they were only a few. But I know I have to do so. But the most important person I should forgive is my loathing and ever doubtful self. Forgiving myself for all the mistakes and wrong choices I ever did in my life has proven itself to be the hardest of all. I made the wrong turn in my life, I know. And I have acknowledged that for a long time now. Yet even with that acknowledgement, how come I'm still stuck in this life? The self-blaming came in soon after that, and it's seriously making me crazy.

So, yeah. I guess the biggest challenge for me at the moment is to forgive myself that was left destroyed for all that I did and finally learn to start over and live a brand new life far from all that had happened in the past.

Fighting!

🌺 Florence Joyce 🌺

Last time you were put in the center of spotlight, what happened then?

I was nervous as heck. I'm pretty sure that was what happened. But I guess I'm quite good at not showing it. I tried to be composed and calm about it. But if I'm going to be honest, it was nerve wrecking inside that I wasn't even sure if I was doing the right thing or not. Facing a lot of people on stage or just in front of them would always make me feel nauseous. It is indeed scary. But each time, I'm doing my best to fight it down so it won't distract me or make me stop doing what I was supposed to do.

After all that, I would recount the feelings while I'm alone. Make me retrace the things I did and those that I shouldn't have done. It's not all the time that one should remain in the audience, hidden by the darkness, acting like a shadow. At some point, I did realize that being put in the center of the spotlight would let you experience new things. Good or bad, what matters is that you learned something from it. At least, I did learn something from all those times I stood in front of so many people and do something. It was a crazy feeling, but I did realize that out of all the stages and audiences I stood up on and faced, respectively, one thing I have to do is to be the brave person I've always aimed to be.

The last time I was put in the center of the spotlight, a different, braver me appeared. And I'd love it if I can be that person once again ー for a long time.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What does success mean to you?

Honestly, this pageant-like question I'm getting as a journal prompt of the day is enough to wreck my brain as I rake answers for it. In this case, I think I'll answer it in a way that I envision it in my life's current state.

For me, success can be equal to satisfaction. Regardless of what I should do to achieve this (in a good way, of course) being satisfied and fulfilled with all I have achieved is one means of success. It could be a fulfilling career, having amazing and supportive friends, happy family of my own (if ever I'd be able to have one), recognition for all the hard work I've done over the years... There are a lot of things that can define success for me.

Even with all of that, success for me would be something that can truly inspire someone or somebody to strive harder, live fuller, and believe earnestly that life still has its rainbows and gold pots at the end of the hard journey. Success for me is something I want to use to stop depressed people from resorting to suicide as an escape to the world's harsh realities. Over the years, I've been affected by any news related to suicide. I couldn't help wondering what could I have done to help that person live his life again and overcome that depressed state.

I want success (my success) as a way to inspire them to live truly.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Love was made of joy

Dear Sunrise,

It's a lovely day to feel loved, don't you think? And I think it should be that way, considering that even though we're far from each other at the moment, I can still feel you here with me. Right here in my heart. I may be alone at the moment, and at times I do feel alone even with the presence of my family beside me. But I have faith. At least, I feel that I should have faith.

Faith that we'll be seeing each other -- finally...

Faith that we'll love each other better than how we were imagining it in our heads...

Faith that we'll get through all this low self-esteem and lack of confidence moments that we could be going through...

Faith that this love we believe has always been meant for us to share and live through will bring us insurmountable joy one day...

Yes, let's both have faith that it will happen. It is going to happen. It is happening. The love we both dreamed of to become reality will come knocking in front of us before we can even realize it. And that joy brought about by the love we feel for each other will sweep over us and embrace us warmly like no other feeling have ever done to us.

Just have faith, my love...

Still believing,
Florence Joyce

A letter to someone you barely knew who has impacted you in some way.

To the Tarot Readers I subscribed on Youtube,

There are quite a few of you on my Youtube subscription list. But even so, I am so glad I did. For a long while now, I've been asking for something that will become a way for me to open my eyes to a lot of things. To be specific, to something I want to do in life. Wait, let me rephrase that. You guys became a way for me to learn about what I'm destined to do in life. If I'm going to be honest, I still have a long way to go in that department. I still have a lot to realize and to learn so I could discover the truth. I still have an ongoing battle in my mind for me to actually know what my soul is truly calling me for to do. I'm already 29, and clueless as heck. But thanks to you, guys (or girls since all of those I subscribed were females), I'm slowly getting there. I just have to win this big battle so I can finally pursue what I was intended to be and to do all this time.

So thank you. 😄

Your subscriber,

Florence Joyce

Open/read when: When we haven't talked in a while.

Dear Sunrise,

We surely didn't talk for a while. And I mean a long while. In my dreams, I'm pretty sure we did. But it's possible that I couldn't recall them at all. I could have dreams in which I talked to you a lot of times. But recalling them have been the hardest task of all.

I don't want to feel disappointed. I don't like feeling in despair. But at some point, I couldn't help it. I do want to talk to you. I do love to be with you and laugh and enjoy each other's company -- just as we've always wanted to feel when you and I will finally cross paths and meet.

Right now, I couldn't do anything. At the moment, all I can do is to earnestly believe that a magic can happen. Let this letter reach you one day when you have no one to talk to. Let this letter make you realize the truth that you seek. Let this letter form a thread that will connect us together even if we're apart at the moment. Allow this letter to let your heart feel the words of love and admiration that I'm sure can help you go through whatever challenges you're facing right now.

Let this letter reach you and one day, we'll reach each other and talk about each other nonstop -- finally cherishing the feeling of being together at last after all that.

With love,
Florence Joyce

5 Unforgettable Moments

Man, I guess I really need to rake my mind about this. I mean, I do recall some. But I'm a little unsure if I could actually recall 5. They should be unforgettable, but events in my life made me unable to let them remain in my mind for longer than I needed to.

Anyway, here we go:

1. When "Charming A Silent Heart" was finally approved for publishing. This is, in fact, my very first approved manuscript ever since I ventured into the writing and publishing world.
2. When "Mirui's Hyacinth: Smile At Me" was approved on PHR for the first time with no revision at all. And yes, I even cried when this happened.
3. When we went to Ilocos Sur (specifically Vigan) for the first time. Regardless of the hot weather, I got to enjoy it.
4. When one of the Japanese actors (Minami Keisuke) I followed on Instagram had actually liked not just one, but two of my posts. It was around 2017 when Kyuranger was still airing.
5. When I won 2 books on a book giveaway for the first time. I mean, I don't usually win anything, so this is unforgettable to me.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Shoot For The Stars

To my Sunrise,

Okay. So maybe writing this letter to you who I haven't met yet can be considered as shooting for the stars. And yet I'm still doing it ー all because I've been waiting for you to enter my life in such a long time. I kept on telling other people that I don't need to fall in love or to commit if I knew that I'd end up getting hurt in the end. Getting rejected, getting friend-zoned, and seeing other people's relationships fall apart right in front of me... These things had made my heart build up a wall to stop myself from feeling so bad about myself because no one would want to love me as the person that I am.

It's a scary feeling to encounter again, and so I made a resolution. I know in my heart that living my life with this lingering negative feeling won't do me any good. I know I'm not meant to live like this for long. At least, that's what I'm choosing to believe. I'm doing the best I can to change the course of my life at the moment. As I'm writing here, I'm sensing that I can only meet you and cross paths with you if I choose to finally let go of what's been holding me back from truly loving all this time.

At the moment, it's a slow process. At one point, I couldn't help feeling frustrated. Even with that, I'm doing what I can to fight that negative feeling. To be the best version of myself before meeting you without actually giving up ー this is shooting for the stars for me. At the end of it all, I only intend to shoot for the stars I'd like to call my destined love.

Until then, let's both do our best so we can finally meet one day.

The one who's continuously waiting,

Florence Joyce

What should you be famous for?

I've always envisioned myself getting known for the stories I write and the other words I wrote. Those that would give an impact on their lives and help them grow and change for the better.

I've always loved writing, so I'd like it the most if I can convey that love and my writing vision in the words I put on paper and online. As an introvert, it's hard for me to communicate well with people. And perhaps that's one reason why I chose writing as my means to communicate to the world.

It's going slow, but I have faith that in divine timing, I'll get these. The journey's already hard, but it's okay. One thing I'm asking from above, though, is for those words, as well, to reach the one destined for me to love for the rest of my life, whether it's a soulmate or a twin flame or both. I intend my words I've written to reach him and his heart somehow.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Generalizing People

Seriously, what is this #CancelKorea hashtag I kept on seeing on my FB newsfeed? Then again, why should I care? Yes, I know. That's a wrong way for me to put it her, considering the fact that Koreans are insulting Filipinos and I'm a Filipina. But honestly, the more I pay attention to these people who got nothing to do with their lives but put other people down and throw insults instead of settling things in a civilized manner, they chose to become warfreaks and overly opinionated that it's making my head hurts just reading about it.

So what's with the blog title?

This is what's wrong with most of us. A mistake of one person doesn't mean it applies to everyone who's the same race. Most of us have the bad habit of generalizing when, in fact, they should only reprimand that particular person for his/her mistake. Then again, I have this feeling that reprimanding both sides would just fall on deaf ears. It is the truth and I've seen a lot of them.

In my case, though, yes. I'm not going to lie. I do generalize people and at times, would lead me to hate that particular race or group. But I also know where to place myself when it comes to generalizing. I'd rather keep it to myself than let the world know how I hate or dislike something or someone. At times, if I can't really hold it in, I would write about it as anonymously as I can. Not like this.

So when it comes to this particular issue as to why this hashtag trended, I have no say on this. Both sides have their reasons. But the more I pay attention to it, the more it's going to ruin my day even without intending to. And I'm not aiming for that at the moment.

NP: "Again (English Version)" by Beverly

How do you tell if someone can be your friend?

One thing that I've noticed over the years of doing my best to be friend is that it's really hard for me to approach people. I still have this habit of observing people before I make my move. And maybe that's one of my ways of trying to determine if someone can become my friend.

But I guess at this point, I'll do my best of trying to break it down since I can't exactly select just one way. Anyway, here goes:

1. I can feel that I can be comfortable with that person, even through observing them from afar.
2. That person's smile can make me feel I actually exists, and not just some wallflower that people usually pass me by. He/she actually notices me in a good way.
3. That person doesn't make me feel inferior, even in other people's eyes.
4. We could have clicked because of the same interests, at some point. His/her knowledge about other things won't be something that can make me feel dumb and in fact, willing to teach me those things without pretense and hesitation.
5. That potential friend is nice and kind, but doesn't use those traits to hide who he/she really is inside.

Okay. I may be a little picky at this point. I guess that's one reason why I don't have much friends? Or maybe because I kept on relying on my gut instincts when it comes to making a decision on whether or not that person can become a potential friend. Bad idea? I don't know. But more often than not, my gut instincts didn't fail me, especially when discerning a person to br a possible friend. At least, that's what I've observed all this time.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Your favorite affirmations.

I have a lot, to be honest. Ever since I got to discover LOA and the use of affirmations to reprogram my mind, I ended up thinking of a lot of affirmations fir myself. I've seen little progress, by far. Then again, I still have more negative thoughts than positive ones. So I guess I need to work hard on getting rid of that. Or if not completely, at least I should do my best to dissipate it a little.

Anyway, I'm only listing my top 5 of this. Here goes:

1. I am an inspiration to others through my writings.
2. I am a great author on the road to being world famous.
3. I am writing to follow my bliss.
4. I am worthy of love.
5. I am committing to writing everyday with confidence and enthusiasm.

Yes, I know. A lot had to do with my writing journey. But I am a writer at heart, and it's a dream I couldn't let go at all, even if my parents don't exactly agree to the path I chose. I just have to actually commit to becoming the best writer/author I can become for the people to know.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Name.one of the conspiracy theories that you want to be real.

From what I know, there's a lot of them. Though most of them were pretty interesting, I'm pretty much inclined in letting the ancient aliens/astronauts theory to be real. Sure, they clashed with a lot of sectors both in the field of science and various religions around the world. But the only part I want on this particular conspiracy theory was about the ancient aliens (or even modern ones) providing insight/intelligence and messages to various but selected people to help enhance the world and humanity. Or like angels and spirit guides delivering messages and things like that. It might sound crazy and even other connections can seem logical at some point. Even with that notion, it still sounded interesting in more ways than one.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Who do you miss at the moment?

My younger, slightly confident and more creative self. Though I've strayed away from the people I got close to before, and even though I have lost quite a number of people in my life, they don't give me that much impact as the one I've mentioned above. I've missed that part of myself more than anything else. I miss that part of me every time I would try to write something ー at least on the fiction writing. I have been uninspired for quite a long time now, so I guess I couldn't really help it if I start missing that part of myself at the moment. I'm yearning to be that person once again. 😄💕

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

The best thing that ever happened to me is you.

To my (future) Sunrise,

One thing I can tell after all that has happened in my life ー you are the miracle that I asked for from the heavens. The best gift that I've ever received in my life. As exaggerated as it might sound right now, what I'm writing here at the moment is the truth.

You will surely be my life's game changer.

Yes, I'm aware that I haven't met you yet. Right now, you are probably living your life the way you wanted it to a long time ago. Even though I don't know anything about it, I'll continue believing that our separate paths will meet one day. Whatever life that you have now, I'm praying that it's going to provide a way for us to meet and be close to one another.

We both have no knowing if our meeting will lead to a love so beautiful, as if we've dreamed it to life. But I do know one thing. You coming into my life and giving you the love I never thought I'd give to anyone will put me in a pedestal I could only dream of reaching. Your love ー so true and unconditional ー will become one of my greatest inspirations as I continue reaching towards the dreams I only gazed at from afar.

I know and I'm sure I'd love the support we both give to each other towards the things that make us happy ー individually and together as best friends and lovers we're going to become. One day, loving each other will not be a distant dream anymore.

I'm still waiting, and I'm doing so patiently. I'm waiting for the day where I can proudly tell to the world how much I love you and how you've become the greatest and the best thing that will ever happen to me. On that day, I'm sure I've also loved myself even more and I'm willing to show to the world the best version of me that I've strive to become so that I can feel that I'm deserving for the true and unconditional love I'm receiving from you.

Till that day, let's do our best and let's pray for each other to fulfill our dreams and meet with pride and joy to our destiny of loving one another.

Always waiting,

Florence Joyce

Foods you would like to try.

I think I'm just going to list things here with no explanation for now. I'm not much of a binge eater, but I still would love to try foods from other places one day.

1. Tteokbokki (떡볶이)
2. Miso ramen (味噌ラメント)
3. Melon bread (メロンパン)
4. Dalgona coffee (달고나 커피)
5. Cubano sandwich
6. New Orleans beignet
7. Baumkuchen
8. Croquembouche
9. Dango (団子)
10. Onigiri (おにぎり)
11. Ohagi botamochi (牡丹餅)
12. Gelato
13. Hot-pot
14. Omurice (オムライス)
15. Taiyaki (鯛焼き)

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Ways in which you are awesome.

• My imagination can become a way for me to be successful.
• I still haven't given up on my dreams.
• I still believe that life will take an awesome turn for me.
• I'm doing my best to fight off negativity hovering in my mind.
• I can smile through all the pain and trouble, not as a mask but as a way of providing power for my heart to endure the dark times of my life.
• My age doesn't matter to me anymore, as long as I know that I still have the drive for me to fulfill my dreams in God's perfect timing.
• I still love my life in spite of it all. 😄💕

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What does your ideal day looks like? Be specific.

Ideal day? I would say my ideal day could be a little boring to some. But I do believe that my ideal day would involve me not too much. Like, there wasn't a care in the world when I choose what I want to do in a day. But this prompt said that I have to be specific, so let's see if I could actually do so.

Morning:

• To wake up at my own pace, but not later than 8 or even 7:30, if I say so myself.
• Not getting fussed over a dream I can't remember. Just being calm and actually cool about it.
• Do my morning stretches with no interruption.
• No errands or people with favors to ask me to do.
• Have a proper breakfast. And yes, no interruption again.

Afternoon:

• Read a book, even if it's just 2-3 chapters ― or longer.
• Write an update for my pending stories with no distractions and interruption from other people.
• Have a nap that can truly refresh me.
• By this time, I already had a proper energy-filled lunch.

Evening:

• Have my dinner, but not the heavy one since it's bad for my stomach.
• Do my usual night time routine before going to sleep.
• Write on my journal freely.
• Sleep early.

I think I made it specific enough. At least, I tried. Or perhaps I haven't fully figured out my ideal day to look like.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Your current relationship. If single, describe how single life is.

Single life? Monotonous, in my case. But worry free, as well. At least on the aspect of thinking someone other than myself. Selfish and boring as it might have sounded, but I actually prefer it that way. At least for now.

Why I stated it like this? It's because I know fully well that I still have a lot of things to do and think about in order for me to grow (physically 😄 and mentally), mature and love myself without these limiting beliefs. I have all the time and attention I can give to myself to accept everything about my life. Being in a relationship at this point made me feel as if it's going to hinder that progress. So for me, single life (at least mine) is a period I can use for me to improve.

I just have this belief that if I finally find myself ー the one I can truly be proud of after all this time of searching, wishing, hoping, and yearning for a beautiful and fulfilling romance ー then the long journey will definitely be worth it. I have so much disappointments in my life that more often than not, I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I'm aiming for the day that I can say I've finally done it ー I found my true self ー and look in the mirror with pride and fulfillment and happiness beaming from my eyes.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

My saddest memory is...

I have a lot of sad memories in my life, including deaths of relatives and severed relationships within the family. But if I'm just going to pick one out of those memories, the saddest one for me would be when my father had totally expressed his distaste in my writing endeavors. I mean, I did cry my eyes out when he said that I should just throw the papers and even the stories I wrote on those papers to the trash.

To some, it might be something petty. But to a writer like me, it feels damaging ー especially if it actually came from your family. That's how I value writing in my life since then, I guess. I know I still have a long way to go, even now. But at least a support is what I'm asking. Then again, I don't think I'll ever get that from him. Not back then. Not now. Not ever.

Death is also something to be sad about, I know. But as heartless as it sounds, I haven't actually cried when both of my grandfathers died (in different years, of course). Maybe because I wasn't that close to any of them? I'm not really sure.

But I guess the death (or even the near death) of a dream is sadder than ever to someone who truly values it in their heart. And perhaps that is why something related to writing is what I chose as a saddest memory to me.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What makes you a good friend?

• I listen. At least I know I'm a good listener. At times, as well, I also analyze the situation laid out in front of me involving a friend before I judge.
• I might come out as standoffish at times. Or snobbish. But know that when you become my friend, I will treasure it in every way possible. I will be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on.
• I also appear as a loner and anti-social and most of the time, this is the image I end up projecting. But I can be bubbly and outgoing, especially when the people or the situation can be so much fun. So know that even with such an image, I do my best to make someone smile.
• People tell me that I do give a lot of advice ー good ones, in fact. I have to admit, the advice I give to people tend to come from a different source and not from my personal experience. But as a friend, please know that advices are guides to stir you back to the right direction. When all else fails and you think the world has given up on you, I'm still here to believe in you and have faith in your true strength that you can get through this. As long as I know that you're not doing anything bad or illegal, I will do my best to be your greatest strength provider in this life

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Describe your dream holiday.

I haven't really given it much thought, to be honest. But I do envision some things when I actually find myself going on a holiday.

• I'd love it if I can have a holiday alone.
• It would be somewhere scenic ー both in the city/town proper visit and the rural area visit.
• I'd be having a blast ー not too much ー on taking pictures of my vacation.
• Everything around me, everything I see, would be putting a smile on my face that will surely last.
• Having a slow walk ー either on the beach or somewhere with a bridge ー in which it can definitely help me absorb everything in. From emotions, to sensations that the vacation brings to me.
• Even from my hotel room, it's amazing to see a beautiful sunrise and sunset that I can take photos of.
• Somewhere I can definitely enjoy going to where people are friendly and the energy is amazing.

I guess the answer went quite well. They might have come out as a little vague. Or at least I thought of it that way. But I don't exactly have a specific place in mind yet as to where I actually want to spend a vacation and spend my holiday there.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What beliefs are holding you back from living your dream life?

I don't know what to say with regards to this prompt. But I guess that it's just right to answer this since I do need it to fully assess myself about this particular area in my life. This might be a bit too much in my perception, though.

Anyway, here goes:

• I don't have what it takes to do it. → This is the main one, if I say so myself.
• That dream is too great for you to even handle. → This just came recently, to be honest, when everything started to go downhill.
• Stepping out of your comfort zone won't do you any good. → And I guess this is why I'm trying my best right now to do something I've never done before, in spite of the pressure.
• You don't have the courage to take the risk. → Or maybe I just haven't found that real courage I need the most to risk a lot for my dreams.
• Why are you even born here in this world? → I guess this belief actually goes hand in hand with me feeling such a useless person. I'm not going to lie, I did have suicidal thoughts echoing in my mind a lot of times, especially when I was in college after failing my NCII test for Computer Troubleshooting. More like this followed after that. But as they've always been, they were all passing thoughts. I haven't actually attempted to do any of those suicidal thoughts and tactics because like what I kept on saying, I still love my life. Maybe I just need the drive to actually propel my life to the right direction. Or to the true direction that I've missed all this time.
• You're such a useless woman! → This, to me, is the most painful belief that's been rolling in my head for quite some time now, ever since being laid off from the two jobs I've ever had since graduating. Until now, it still echoes in my head, but not as prevalent as it used to be. I'll do my best to not let it affect me even further.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

The best compliments you've received.

You're smart.

You're a talented writer.

You're a creative writer.

These were just, for me, the best compliments I've received since I started writing. Well, that goes back to when I was in high school and I'm still unaware of what to actually do with my life. At the point I received these compliments, I was pretty much a wallflower. No one noticed me and I guess no one wanted to be friends, let alone be close, to someone as plain as me. Anyway, I didn't even care. I was so much caught up with how to keep up with my studies that I don't even pay attention to how I should project myself to the class.

Writing was just a hobby to me at the time. Nothing more than a past time and a way for me to get out of reality for a little while. So to be complimented for the world I created through the stories I write, it was an amazing experience for me. For people to believe that I can achieve more for doing something I love, it was something unbelievable.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

The Story Behind The Secret Of The Rose Clans

Medyo mahaba-haba ang entry na 'to considering the fact na ito ang background story ng "Chronicles of the Roses". As usual, isinulat ko ito way back 2008 pa, kaya may kadramahan ang writing style ko rito. Since nai-share ko na rito ang mailking description ng series na ito, gusto ko na ring i-share ang background story ng dalawang pamilyang ito.

By the way, sinubukan ko lang gumawa ng aesthetic ng mismong series. I think I captured most of the topic tha surrounded the romance series of these two clans. Baka nga gawan ko rin ng ganito ang "Eight Thorned Blades" one of these days. Tingnan natin. 😄✌️💕

Here goes:

What does love mean to you?

You've got to be kidding me. I actually got this prompt to answer tonight? But since it's a question that's needed to be answered, possibly for my sake, then I have to do my best. Take note, though, that for someone who still has yet to experience what it's like to truly fall in love, my answer here can be a little vague.

Love is always there. It doesn't fade, it won't vanish. It's just that people do tend to neglect it. And for me, that's one reason why people fall out of love.

Love is unconditional. Love is ever the greatest power that can change someone's life, along with faith and trust. Love holds the greatest magic that this world can ever experience in one's life. Love can transcend space and time, as long as one believes in it.

Love will always be something that can shed a light on my rather gray life and put colors to it, as well. Love will always be the sunrise that my heart longs to see all this time. Love will become the key for me to find my life purpose. Self-love, filial love, platonic love, romantic love ー these kinds of love will definitely change my life for the better.

What always brings tears to your eyes? (Tears are words that need to be written. - Paulo Coelho)

A lot, honestly, considering the fact that I'm such a sensitive person. Reunion, deep conversations, reconciliation, even songs bring tears to my eyes.

If I'm going to be particular about this, however, I think I should just list them down here:

1. Watching videos about reunions and homecoming.
2. My self-pity moments, even when I wasn't scolded by anyone.
3. Father and daughter dance at weddings, only because I can already feel that I won't be able to experience it at all with my father.
4. When I'm frustrated with myself, which happens a lot.

I have to admit, I'm quite sad for # 3. I may not be looking for a romantic partner at the moment since I did say to myself that I have to fix my life first. But think about a future where I can't do that when the time really did come that I find that special person. Things were not the same anymore.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What are 3 things you can do to enhance your mental well-being?

So it has come to this ー talking about mental well-being. It is a bit appropriate, though, as I kept on seeing issues of depression that leads to self-harm online. It's disturbing, to be honest. At one point, I've been thinking of doing something to bring awareness, even if it's something I've not encountered or done personally. Sure, I had suicidal thoughts passing in my mind from time to time, especially when other people's words would get to me and start invading my mind. They would really put me in such a bad mood that I'd even cry because of all the negative thoughts (degrading ones, unfortunately) at night, making me unable to sleep ー sometimes. My imagination could get really wild most of the time and I'm having a hard time putting a stop to it, to be honest.

With that, I've come to start doing something to tone it down slowly and make my mental health less worrying for me. I'm not sure if I could list three, but let's see. 😄

1. Journaling ➡️ Yes, this includes my scripting journal (that I put to a stop a few months back) and my personal journal where I'm writing a lot more than usual. Yes, a lot of times, all I do in my journal is to write rants and complaints and disappointments. But ever since I started having a journal back in June 13, 2019, it became helpful for me to release the burdens in my mind. Sure, it can be burdening, as well, to write my entries in English. But this also serves as a writing practice for me (at least for fiction stories that I'm writing and planning to write).
2. Walking ➡️ Okay, I know I don't walk everyday (the long distance ones, I mean). And now, because of the pandemic, it's not going to be an everyday thing to walk around in long distance for a long time. But even with that, walking provides an outlet for me to imagine, to clear my mind, to visualize, to practice my singing (?) voice (at times). Especially with clearing my mind. Walking helps in calming me down, especially when I'm truly upset over something.
3. Listening to instrumental music ➡️ Most of the time, I'm going straight to ballads. But lately, I've been listening to epic music, as well. You know, the one used as background music. True, no words can be hurt from it. But those music provides a lot of inspiration and has also cleared my mind when I'm frustrated. The epic music I tend to listen to seemed like talking to me and saying that I can do it and I can get through the fight.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Weird things you do when you're alone.

Should I consider talking to myself as a weird thing? Yeah, I guess that's one of them. I'm not going to lie, I do feel withdrawn to the world, even to my family. Then again, I guess I could say that it was a choice. I can feel that I am not truly connected to any of the people I got close to. At some point, I couldn't help wondering if I'd ever be connected to someone in my life.

Acting out the things I imagined (while sitting and only the conversations happening in my mind) could be another. Yes, it's weird. I'm totally aware of that. That's why I only actively (and discreetly) do it when no one would disturb me and when I'm in my personal space. I mean, it's like when I was a kid. The bedroom (or at least the area where I sleep) has always been my own secluded world. No restrictions when it comes to the way I act out the scenes in my imagination. Doing so, in return, has helped me with my writings and the way I want to describe the scenes and stuffs like that.

I guess these weird things can be way too much for an ordinary person to comprehend, huh? At times, I even felt scared that it could lead to maladaptive daydreaming. Then again, I guess I should do it in moderation so it won't happen.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Write a letter to the friendliest person you knew for only one day.

I don't know if I could write a letter with regards to this person, though. But that's only because I can't recall meeting anyone for one day and actually befriended. For real. So... for this prompt, I thin I'm going to be writing this in a future sense. I don't go out that much, anyway.

Let's go!

To that friendliest person I'm going to meet,

It can only be for one day, and it will not be enough, I'm quite sure of that. And yet I have this feeling that it's going to be okay. That the day is enough because it turns out to be something amazing for a quite dreary day. I love it if it can change my day in so many ways, or maybe make me feel better and enlighten me a lot. For now, I'm quite unsure of how it's happening. Yet reality can surely works it way to create miracles. And yes, I am considering meeting you as one amazing miracle in this life.

Thank you.

The stranger whose day changes because of your friendliness,

Florence Joyce 😄❤

How do you want your room to be? (color of the wall, decoration, size, bed placement...)

Now this is something. I haven't given much thought about this, though I have to admit that at times, I envision myself being in a relaxing bedroom of my own. But if I'm going to be specific, it goes like this:

I've always liked a cloud-themed bedroom and that theme should be prominent with the walls. It makes me feel like I'm flying and free. Not to mention, I'm pretty much drawn to air powers ー in a fantasy aspect ー so I guess this is why. I don't like putting too many decorations on the walls, but I do love seeing beach-themed pictures and sunset photos, as well. Having a bedroom with the size that can fit a workspace and a few bookshelves is lovely, considering the fact that I can concentrate more in doing work ina bedroom. Separating the space with a folding shoji screen with either a lotus or a sakura design is amazing. I'd love it if the bed is placed near the window, just in case I'd think about gazing at the stars at night.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

10 likes and dislikes

As for this prompt, I guess I'm going with random details here.

10 Likes

1. Fantasy genre
2. Japan and most things Japanese
3. Color blue (pastel and pale ones, mostly)
4. Coffee. That's obvious, right?
5. Having a collection of journals and random notebooks.
6. Ballad music
7. Writing stories with no disturbances
8. Ocean and light floral scents
9. Eating donuts, marshmallows and wafers.
10. Having a piggyback ride with the man I (will come to) love

10 Dislikes

1. Bruises and injuries. Then again, I tend to get them a lot.
2. Rock metal music.
3. Feeling uncomfortable because of stalkers/admirers.
4. Feeling useless and frustrated for having no clue of my life purpose
5. Anything paranormal. I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to this stuff.
6. Gore stuff in films, cartoons, anime or even in real life.
7. Having no direction on the course of my life.
8. Losing my pens.
9. Having people telling me to stop writing all in all.
10. Revealing parts of my past that I hate.

I guess I went a little dramatic on the dislikes part. 😄

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

If you can live in any country, which one will you choose?

I love this journal prompt, to be honest. But I'm going to answer this as simply as I can. Only because I don't know any reason why I should make it longer.

That country would be Japan. Regardless of the issues that the country was facing over the years, it's the place that actually calls out to me, for some reason. I don't know if it's about my fascination to the country, or (according to my mom) me and my sisters have Japanese heritage from my father's side of the family, it seems that I wasn't meant to stay in the Philippines at all. Perhaps at one point in my life, I'd be able to actually live there. I just had to deal with the high cost of living in that country. And perhaps even discrimination and racism.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Other Story Titles (pending stories to write)

Some of the stories and series that I planned to write a long time ago, but still haven't found a chance to do so. So here I am, writing them down all here as a reference for the future. Who knows, right? Those in italics, by the way, are the ones that I got to start writing. The ones with italics and underlined are those I've finished writing.

A letter to the leader of your country.

To His Excellency, The President of the Philippines;

Forgive me for making this short, Sir. But I just want to tell you that you are doing a good job in leading our country. Regardless of the negative feedbacks other people keep on giving you, including my own that I do not dare speak anywhere, I am amazed by all that you have done for this country. Please remain humble and keep having strong faith in what you believe in, regardless of your beliefs and as long as it won't degrade our country. I admire your strict way of implementing rules even though so many still complains ー like people who haven't done a lot to save our country from its corrupt nature.

Thank you for stepping forward to lead the Philippines and the Filipino people until now.

Florence Joyce

How have you changed in the past 2 years?

Not so much, if I'm going to be honest. Or at least, I'd like to think that there wasn't so much changes because of my way of thinking. I do have sensitivity issues now compared to before. I was writing a lot before and I was more inspired about a lot of things before. I don't have much of a care about the world (or should I say, my surroundings) before compared to now. I did notice that I have heightened sensitivity towards my surroundings now and I decided to work on heightening my intuition now, as well. If it was from 2 years ago, I would have ignored this intuition issue, to be honest.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What do you want to do with your free time today?

Write and read. Big time.

Okay. This is just between you and me. But you see, these two are the activities I've been neglecting to do for quite a while now. I got so caught up in reality, daydreaming, and overthinking that there was no room for me to do the things that gave me comfort and boost before.

By the way, on the writing part, journal writing is not included there, okay? What I mean by this is fiction writing. I haven't done that for a while. Same goes to fiction reading ー or I guess I should include nonfiction here, as well. But only if the subject is something that caught my interest.

Yes, I know free time is suppose to be for resting and enjoying to do relaxing things. But these are the activities I'd like to do without distractions at all. I'd like to do it together with a peaceful flow, you know?

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Dear Past Me...

Dear Past Me,

Forgive me for writing here at the start that I want to say sorry to you if this would make you scared or emotional in some ways. I want to say sorry for disappointing you in so many ways. Forgive me... for not being the confident person you once wished to become when you reach this age. A lot of things had happened, and a lot of them had either broken my heart, disappointed me, or shattered my confidence over all. Because of that, I've missed a lot of opportunities in life. I've garnered a lot of regrets in life that even you would feel ashamed that you are about to go through all that. So forgive me for being such a huge disappointment to your hopeful young self.

One thing I can tell you to change it all ー be more aggressive in pursuing what you want to do in life. Yes, even more aggressive than your younger sisters. Be yourself, but don't forget to do a little glow-up methodology and techniques so that it's not only your brains that people would notice about you. Have your own beauty routine so that you won't fall behind your sisters. Maybe ー just maybe ー it can help you get the attention of whoever guy (cute or smart or handsome) captures your young heart.

I know that these are weird advices coming from your older self, but I'm doing this for your sake. I'm doing this so that you could have at least a chance to do your best your life the way you deemed fit for your age and mindset. I love you so much, that's why I'm writing you this. Do this, so you won't have anything to regret once you reach my age. Be yourself, and it's not going to be a hard thing for you to love yourself more.

I love you, and I hope you take the advice I wrote here.

From your 28-year-old self

What is your favorite personality trait?

If this prompt is about personality trait that I see on other people, then I would say (or write) patience and being warm. I don't know which among the "Big 5" these traits fall under, but I'd rather not delve into that since it's just going to give me more headache, to be honest.

Why patience? Maybe because I've exhibited this particular trait for as I can remember. I tried my utmost best not to rush things even though at times, I do get frustrated when things don't come or happen when I expect them to be or when the waiting turned out to be longer than anticipated. But yeah, I can say being patient is one of those personality traits that I love.

As for warmth (or being warm), I consider this as a favorite because this is something that I actually lack. I've known for a long time that I'm not as warm or congenial aa that of my sister. But I try. At least I know I've tried. Even though I lack warmth, it's still a wonderful personality trait for me since this can lead to a very congenial relationship with someone.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

A letter to your body.

To my still striving body,

First of all, forgive me for letting you endure a lot because of all that I'm doing. I know we both had to deal with muscle strain and muscle pain due to all the lifting we had to do. But in all that, I am still glad that I could rely on you most of the time. I'm pretty much aware that you need a long rest and here I am again, apologizing for not being able to let you do so.

I'm proud of you, though, for being able to handle a lot, for being able to stay strong enough not just for me but also for those who needs that strength. Over the next years, let's stay healthy so we could do more for our dreams still waiting to be fulfilled.

Love,

Florence Joyce

What do you envy of your partner or your friends?

Wow. Talk about a trip down the memory lane type of question again for tonight's journal prompt. Then again, a lot of the prompts I'd pick up have that kind of vibe. Let's see... I'm going to be pointing it towards friends as I still don't have a partner at all. And this might come out as lame, cringey or childish at some point, so I'm warning you.

I really envy their determination, their humor, the way they handled their challenges. I envy a lot about my friends ー both in real world and online. More often than not, I envy about their confidence and the way they present themselves to the world. They didn't let the world cooped them up in one corner and forever hide from everyone.

Even if I say "I wish...", wishing won't lead me anywhere. I got to have my own confidence, as well, so that it won't be hard for me to show myself that this is me and this is what's going to make me successful. In my own way, I'm doing it ー that's something I'd like to say to myself confidently.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Open/read when: You need some love...

Dear (Future) Sunrise,

Here I am, writing to you again. I hope you won't mind. I know I still haven't met you yet. We haven't crossed paths at all ー at least not yet. But you know I can wait. I'm willing to wait until I can finally meet you. We do stand under the same sky, regardless of where you are right now. And that sky will become my guide to meet you one day.

Wherever you are, I hope that you are okay. That you are healthy. That you are loved ー both by your family and by many people around you. And here I am, actually grateful that you are living a well-off life (both literally and metaphorically). Then again, I can tell that there could be moments when it wasn't enough. Or maybe you can't feel it, for some reasons. Whatever the case, let this love I saved for you reach you in some ways.

I'd love it so much if this letter would help you remember why (one day) I will choose to love you. It's because you're you. You, at some point and I can tell, will change my life for the better. You will make me find one best part of myself that I didn't even know I have in me. If you're losing the reason to continue, please know that I'm still here. In time, we'll meet each other. In God's perfect timing, we'll love each other deeply and unconditionally. Don't ever think that no one loves you when a moment for you to think like that. I love you. I will love you. And I will always find a way to love you, even at your worst. Don't lose hope. Don't lose faith. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.

These words might not be enough for now. One day, I know and I'd love to see how these words can somehow change you. In time, if fate allows it, then I can show it to you and prove it to you in ways I know. I may be lacking in some parts, but let me do my best to show to you that are loved, whoever you are. You are the one I will choose to be with and you will be the one who I can love with all my heart. I hope you will remember that before we meet ー finally.

With all the love I have,

Florence Joyce

What's a funny story that makes you laugh every time?

Funny story? Okay, now I have to rake my mind to actually recall one. Because seriously, I can't recall anything like that at all. Or maybe I'm just refusing to even remember? But why is that? Have I truly encountered a funny story that can still make me laugh until now?

If it is something I experienced or encountered, then I couldn't recall any. Sorry, but I really rake my mind for anything about this. As sad as it may seem, but there's nothing that comes in mind at all. I feel bad, for some reasons I can't tell.

But if it is from what I've been watching or reading, then I guess I could mention a few of them. They came from watching Kalyeserye, though. Of course, it's because the people who told them were comedians. But that's to be expected. And watching them again, they still make me laugh. Every time. Without fail.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What famous world festivals would you like to attend?

Well, this is a fun prompt. It's something new. But come to think of it, have I actually thought of traveling the world with the intention of attending a festival? I need to get to have a passport and the necessary funds to actually do this in the future. But hey! A person can dream, right? And who knows? It can manifest right in front of me before I know it.

Anyway, I guess I'll just list 15 of those festivals here, just in case. And one day, perhaps I could cross it out one by one. Either alone or with someone I love. Here goes:

1. Sky Lantern Festival (Taiwan)
2. Yeouido Cherry Blossom Festival (South Korea)
3. Sapporo Snow Festival (Japan)
4. Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta (New Mexico, USA)
5. St. Patrick's Day (Ireland)
6. Verona In Love Festival (Italy)
7. Jinju Lantern Festival (South Korea)
8. Hwacheon Sancheoneo (South Korea)
9. Venice Carnival (Italy)
10. Maskara Festival (The Philippines)
11. August Moon Festival (Greece)
12. Aomori Nebuta Matsuri (Japan)
13. Frankfurt Bookfair (Germany)
14. Seollal (South Korea)
15. Pahiyas Festival (The Philippines)

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What is the one thing you are excited about?

This is just what I've noticed over the years. But it seems that traveling is the one thing that can really make me hyper ― besides new story ideas, of course. Even as a child, it's something that could really make me stay up all night because of excitement. Riding somewhere far and watch the scenery as it goes can make me feel elated in some ways and I love that feeling. I always do.

Sadly, because of the CoViD-19 situation, it's unsure if we could still do it again. But I'm feeling it somehow that before the year ends, things can get better. I'm believing it and I am continuing to do that. There's nothing wrong with that, right?

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

I Love When...

To my (future) Sunrise,

I love it when you give me the best smile you can show me each time I wake up. Beside you or when you enter the room, bringing me breakfast even though you don't have to. You have no idea how those smiles of yours would provide an energy booster for me to get through another treacherous day.

I love it when each "I love you's" you'd speak would not only make my heart flutter, it also gives me the confidence and the faith that I always lack before. Each different ways you'd say the word "love" brings me closer to the reason why I know I chose the right person to love and be with for the rest of my life.

I love it when each tight embrace would crumble the walls I surround myself effortlessly and still warm enough to make me feel secure. Your embrace becomes the strongest shield I have and can use to protect my heart from getting hurt even more by the demons of this world and my life.

I love it when, in spite of everything you've learned about me, good or bad, you stayed by my side with no hesitation. You held my hand and kissed it gently, like a princes you'd always treat me to be, and believed that I can be more than what I usually think I am.

And because of all the things I love about you, it only gives me more reason to love you even better each day without holding back. With all these, I know and I can tell that it was just right that my heart, once broken and lost, would always be grateful to the heavens above that I came to love you today and for all of my life.

I love you. ❤

The one who will love you this much,

Florence Joyce

Write down one thing that you can not let go of.

I have a lot to list down with this prompt. But since it only asked for one, then let's start picking one. For me, it would be a pen. Yes, my writer self is striking again, seriously! Sorry for that, but I can't really help it. It's just a part of me, I guess. And I guess between a pen and a phone or a tablet, I'd still pick pen.

Though I've used a lot of them over the years, pen had become a tool for me to realize a lot and experience a lot. Rejection, achievement, confusion, pain ー all the words I've written using a pen will always stay as a part of me. One day, if I'd end up forgetting everything and everyone ー whether intentionally, by force, or by accident ー the words I jotted down will become a way for me to reconnect with things. To reconnect with life.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Things you worried about in the past that never happened.

Let's see.

Though if I'm going to be honest, I can't recall anything that goes with this. Or maybe I just couldn't remember since it happened a long time ago? As a kid, I don't recall having too much worries. When I was a teenager, the only thing that worried me was about my grades, my crush not noticing me, and maybe even bullies.

Out of those things, however, I guess the one thing that I could use as an answer to this prompt could be something silly to others, but something I'd consider a big deal to a self-proclaimed (and obvious) wallflower like me. It's about... having no one to actually have feelings for me or even just having a crush on me. It was sad enough that no one would even pay that much attention to someone simple like me. Having sisters who many have always considered to be prettier and attention-catcher (and smarter) than I am doesn't really gives me the boost in my self-esteem and self-confidence over the years. So having someone to consider me as much more than a classmate or a friend is already a miracle to me.

But a certain story from high school that I didn't know existing had changed my perception on that. There was someone who actually thought of me as such. And yet, for some reason, I felt conflicted knowing that. I was happy, I was sad, I was regretful, I blamed myself at some point for not noticing, and I felt relieved.

Yes, it was weird for me to feel that way. But at some point, it did change my life ー even just a little.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What makes you the most angry, the most frustrated, the most annoyed, and why?

Here's one thing to know before I write my answers on this prompt ー I rarely get angry. My family can attest to that. I get frustrated and annoyed a lot and most of the time, I try to hide it but fails. 😆

Most angry: When insults and degrading words thrown at me or someone I care about became too much for my ears and my mind to even handle. I can take insults, I'm not going to strike you about it, as long as I can handle it. But when the verbal abuse had crossed the line way too much, then don't be surprised if I actually snapped. In my opinion, I think I'm like a dormant volcano that suddenly turns active when I'm angry. And I have this feeling that I can be a dangerous person when that happens.

Most frustrated: When even my best doesn't seem to be enough to get me through the day. It's something I've been feeling since graduating from college, to be honest. And then there's people pressuring me to find work (though I know I should really do this), even get married. Seriously, why are you forcing me to do something that I can tell I'm going to curse for a long time if I actually do so? Can't you just live your own life and stop minding mine?

Most annoyed: People who seem to have the talent of irritating everyone or someone just to have fun. Oh, and should I add people who are attention seeker? And I mean the worst ones. I don't think I have to explain this since it would only ruin my night.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What do you wish you could magically make happen at the snap of a finger?

I'm not going to lie. I ended up thinking of a lot of things when this prompt came up. Let me list it out here and then I'll choose one from them. Okay?

1. Fix my birth certificate.
2. Go to either Japan and Korea.
3. Provide an opportunity to meet my soulmate.
4. Easily print out all the scenes of various stories in my head and be a recognized writer because of those stories.
5. Have a beautiful singing voice.
6. Have the ability to be an actress.
7. Meet the people I admire.
8. Earn a lot from writing.

But out of these choices I have, if I'm only going to choose one, it will be number 4. Yes, I know. Writer's dreams. Maybe not so much on the getting highly recognized part. But at least on the ideas running in my head that I'm doing my best until now to keep up. The only way for me to actually keep on track is to imagine it over and over again until I can finally put it to paper and online. I would definitely love that to happen.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Your hopes for this blog.

...and to think I just finished transferring the journal prompt answers I posted first on IG to this blog. I just smiled at the sight of this prompt, to be honest. But by doing so, I sort of started envisioning something about this.

I know my life isn't perfect. But I started my blog for the reason that even with the imperfect and (majorly) boring life I have, I still want to document some of them here. Share my interests, my comments/reviews/opinions, share my thoughts. Lately, placing my journal prompt answers I have on my blog makes me think that it's going to be a gateway to a part of me ー for people to know me better.

Even though not many people read them right now, I still have hopes that it can reach a lot of people. I have hopes that the words I placed there will give them a better insight in life as I go on a journey to seek the life I'm meant to have for myself. Open letters, little trivias, sentiments on an issue, revelation of worries and anxieties ー I'm placing something important about myself in those prompts. I have this hope that those important parts of me can become a way for people to discover what they want, what they are capable of, and what I can learn more about myself that I'm still unaware of.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Where do you see yourself in 3 months, 6 months, and 12 months? Be specific.

In all of these, I would answer one thing.

I'd like to see myself having a clear path ー or if not, a clear vision ー of what I truly want to do in my life. A clear vision of my true life purpose. 28 years of wondering and walking aimlessly is enough for me. I just don't want my life to remain aimless as it was all those years ago since those failures had hit me hard.

I knew I had it bad, but it didn't occur to me before that it would put a toll on me, on my self-esteem, on my confidence. It doesn't matter if it's in 3 months, in 6 months, or in one year.

I only want one thing ー and that is clarity towards the path I have to take or the dreams I truly aim to fulfill before my life ends.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

If you were unapologetically and truly yourself, day in and day out, and if you fully accepted and loved yourself, what would change for you moving forward?

Okay. Now I'm not going to lie, this is going to be a hard prompt to answer for me. Even though I am trying my best to truly be myself every day, there are still instances that I find it so hard to actually do so.

Majority of my school days, I felt like doing my best to be myself makes me sort of an outcast from the clique. Growing up, being myself made me feel like a loner. I do have close friends, but a part of me truly knew that they would end up deciding to stay away once they find me too quiet and maybe even boring for their taste. With them staying away from me was my fear.

If I'm truly myself and I unconditionally loved myself regardless of my past faults and setbacks, I know that my life would propel forward for the better. If not, for the best. The best of me that I didn't realize I even have in me.

No more nagging thoughts. No more hesitation in chasing after what I want. No more "I can't do this because blah blah blah...". No more fear of what the people around me would say. I'd be doing a lot of things I've never done before. I would've met amazing people I haven't crossed paths with before. Learn new lessons that will provide me the push and the stepping stones into reaching the life I can only dream about.

If I'm truly myself and have fully accepted myself, doubt can never destroythe faith I have gained for myself over time. Nothing can destroy that.

Your favorite shows.

I got a long list for that, to be honest. Even with no television and just the tablet that I have right now, I still have a lot of TV shows to watch. But for this entry, let me list the 15 shows that have become my favorites over time. Be it a documentary, or a drama. There's nothing wrong with that, right?

There isn't any particular order for this list, by the way. I'm just writing them as I recall the answer. Okay?

🔹Ancient Aliens

🔹Ancient Megastructures

🔹Hollywood Medium with Tyler Henry

🔹The UnXplained

🔹CSI: Miami

🔹CSI: New York

🔹Totally Spies!

🔹Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger

🔹The Moon That Embraces The Sun

🔹Samurai Sentai Shinkenger

🔹Kamen Rider Build

🔹Kishiryu Sentai Ryusoulger

🔹Sungkyunkwan Scandal

🔹Busted!

🔹Detective Conan

Someone once wildly told you...

...that I am mataray. Or at least I look like that. "Mataray" is a Tagalog word, by the way and it means "arrogant" or "churlish". Most commonly, though, the word "mataray" applies to girls and women. I was in third year high school when someone told me this. What's surprising for me at the time was that it was the first time someone actually described me as such. Their most common description of me prior to that was quiet, naive, introverted, anti-social. But not "mataray". Then again, my mom was and is always known for being "mataray" and "suplada" (snobbish). So I guess I could say that it's a hereditary trait. 😆 Though in my case, I'd say I only have the mild version of it.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What is one brave thing you have done?

Still holding on to my dreams, believing that they will come true even though the people around me kept on telling tha I'd never be able to go anywhere in life with just that. But I'm still holding on, doing small steps to fulfill them because in my heart, I know, I'd never be able to let it go no matter how much I try to cast it away from my life. I know I'm hurting (and disappointing) a lot of people around me for doing this. But forgive thi silly old me. I just couldn't find it in me to let my dream go. Too much time might have already passed. But in my heart, it's still burning inside. All the efforts I placed to see it all fulfilled will bear fruit one day. I just have to bravely believe that. 😄

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

"If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; tell yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its trickles." - Rainer Maria Rilke

So I guess this quote would fall to some sort of human mindset about his current reality, huh? This would be the first for me to have a quote/saying as a prompt. And yes, I'm a little unsure if I'd be able to answer it right. But I'm going to answer it as to what I truly feel about this prompt.

I do feel at times that my life seemed poor in so many ways that I want to do something to actually escape it. But at some point, I don't think I'm not doing a good job at it. I'm not mindful enough to realize what I truly have to do to achieve the riches that I want. Or maybe not what I want, but what I truly need. I have to do something about my mindset ― my poor, limiting mindset ― to be changed when the worst actually hits me.

🔅🔅🔅

Not so much as a sensible answer, huh? Sorry. But I guess this only means one thing. I'm not good at interpreting quotes/sayings like this. Or perhaps my mind isn't "poetic enough" yet to actually interpret this the way I want to. I guess I need to do something for that to happen.

Then again, I think it'll take a long time for me to actually become "poet enough" to interpret the complexities of the world and to literally call forth riches for myself.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

What does unconditional love look like to you?

Why is it that the prompt I keep on getting are becoming more and more complicated for me to answer? And to think I could only get the answer in the realm of my imagination ー a part of me in which I wasn't sure if it would even exist in reality at some point in my life. Though I could ask my heart on that, I have a feeling that the answer I can come up with wouldn't suffice somehow. I don't know why I had this kind of feeling.

Unconditional love...

Is there even such a thing? In a world where we live right now, should I still believe that it exist? Sorry, I didn't mean to be dramatic here, considering the fact that I haven't written on my journal yesterday. But I'm going to answer this as truthful as I can. As sincere as I can. Maybe that way, I could discover a path for me to actually experience this in the near future.

For me, this type of love looks like a rock. This type of love can become a strong foundation to build a beautiful and harmonious relationship. A rock-like love that no storm nor fire could ever break. A rock-like love that holds firmly and true to the promise and resolve to only feel it towards that special person they've chosen to love through it all. This is a love that will not be forgotten regardless of the passage of time. An unconditional love is the one that can accept everything (past mistakes and troubles, haunting faults) and still remain by that person's side with no questions, no judgment, no holds barred. A rock-like love that will forever remain true to the most beautiful person in his/her eyes and prove each other's love every chance they get.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸

Describe one of your hobbies.

You're kidding, right? Then again, the question/prompt is already placed here, so I might as well answer it properly. By far, the only hobby I'm aware of is writing. Like nonstop. Listing things, journaling, fiction writing ー you name it. It felt to me that out of all that I've done since elementary to discover what I truly want to do in life, writing might have been the last thing to enter my mind. Then again, my imagination is something, as well. It led me to discover that, though I can't believe that I had to go through a rejection from a love confession a long time ago for me to fully realize that and truly delve into it. It's crazy.

Writing as a hobby has always been my companion since then. And honestly, it's only through writing that I've been able to avoid doing something stupid and irreversible at the same time. Being the eldest hasn't been easy. Being the eldest who couldn't provide a thing for her family is self-degrading. Being the eldest who couldn't help deeming herself as useless and worthless is enough to challenge the way I handle my mental health. It's in writing that I've been able to find solace through the combined power of my imagination and the words I'm writing. It's in writing that I find hope in which things will be fine soon.

I owe a lot to this articular hobby I have.

🌸Florence Joyce🌸